Child Abuse Story From Tammy

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Child Abuse Story From Tammy

by Tammy
(Location Undisclosed)

I wanted to die!
I quess I knew early on not to upset my mother. She almost killed my brothers and started beating me when I was around 5 years old. I might have been younger but don't remember. I only remember that my mother was a respected kindergarten teacher, and for years she was widely respected in our town. People would tell me how lucky I was to have such a mother. They didn't know about the punches or the kicks. They didn't know about the verbal abuse I still receive when I go home to visit family.
I weigh 350 pounds and hate myself. I know I need help but I just don't care.

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Child Abuse Story From Tammy

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Jan 16, 2009

A time when I thought I didn't care, when I too "wanted to die"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tammy, I believe you DO care, you just don't know where to start. There was a time I was over 300 pounds myself. Even the thought of losing weight was overwhelming, not just because I had such a lot of weight to lose; but because eating was my fix. When I ate I didn't have to think, and when I didn't have to think I wasn't thinking about the pain I was in, and when I wasn't thinking about the pain I was in I believed I was functioning. But I wasn't functioning at all; I was slowly killing myself. And even though on some level I knew that eating vast quantities of food was killing me, in my less-than-healthy state of mind I had convinced myself that that was better than facing the pain.

On the few occasions where I did see my family during my heavier times (not after 222 pounds, though) they made fun of me and how "fat" I was. I told myself I didn't care, but I was only lying to myself. Their laughter and making fun of me added to the pain. And I carried all that pain and the pain of my childhood in the form of more pounds on my bones. There was no hiding it.

There was a point where I came to realize that my mother wasn't abusing me anymore; it was me who was doing the self-abuse. I had taken the torch from my mother; and not only was I eating to kill the pain (which was actually killing me, not the pain), as an adult I was berating and "beating myself up" every bit the way my mother had berated and belittled me when I was a child. This was a major turning point in my life (which I came to understand while in therapy) because I came to realize that I could make choices for myself. I could take control.

What you endured as a child is still with you, Tammy. And it is made so much worse by the fact that no one believed you were being abused, especially when your mother was considered such a pillar of the community. You know better, though. You know the facts. You know what your mother did to you. Now you must make choices for yourself. You cared enough to reach out to my visitors and me on this site. Take the next step: seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with all the emotional residue. Whether you're 350 pounds, 550 pounds or 150 pounds, you are worth getting help. You deserve to get help. Your healing journey has only just begun. Take baby steps if you must, just take them.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jan 16, 2009

How brutally horrendous is that...?!
by: Francine

Tammy, I can relate to your story; I went through the same thing with my parents (actually, the "true" beater was my mom while my dad was just a "lookout" and a "slapper") and everyone outside of my house ALWAYS loves them. You see, like your mother, my parents are always the kind of people that always seem nice to everybody else, and whenever the doors close behind us, they will LITERALLY become my worst nightmare. You might want to call the police on your mother. It may be best if you do it away from home, but only if yu are still a kid. But if you are an adult, you might want to try counselling or therapy cuz you don't deserve to be mistreated by your mother (and neither do your brothers). Remember, I AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE ON YOUR SIDE, NO MATTER WHAT, SO TELL EVERYONE AND KEEP TELLING UNTIL THEY BELIEVE YOU BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. DON'T WAIT TOO LONG.

Jan 19, 2009

you care... i care
by: touched2mysoul

I think you do care.. you have written your story here.. I think you care but dont know what to do... know that someone else has experienced similiar things...My family appeared to be the best family ever... my mother was mean, nasty and hateful to me... Behind close doors she was the devil... out in public others wanted her to be their mother... I can relate... I can relate to needing to get help... therapy was and is a god send... Though its rough and i still struggle.. it has helped...
I wish you safety, peace and love... fight for yourself... fight to stop the pain... its worth it..

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Child Abuse Story From Tammy

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Child Abuse Story From Tammy