Child Abuse Story From Tabi

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Child Abuse Story From Tabi

by Tabi
(Canada)

18 years of anger:
When I was 8, my uncle was my best friend. That quickly ended when he decided to force me to perform oral sex on him. Now I have a big problem when people say, "Don't tell anyone, they won't believe you!" because most times it's true. It is in my case.

I held my anger until I was 10, and then I told my father and stepmother. They called Child Welfare on my mother because we told her about it and she said it was all my father's lies and that he corrupted us into saying it all and that's bull crap. I can remember right back to the smell of the car, and all the places he did this to me. I have been living for all these years being told by my mother that I am a liar, and the horrible thing is since I've had kids, my mother is more interested in my life now than before but loves to tell me how to raise my children.

I'm not like her. I won't let anyone get away with hurting my kids. Now here's the stickler. Because I'm a bit lost, I have questioned my uncle recently about why he did this to me and my sister (via Facebook) and he told me he was young and dumb and didn't know what he was doing. HE'S A LIAR! He was 28 years old. I'm 26 years old and I have 3 of my kids living with me and I'm pregnant again. There's no excuse for him. But also, I am tired of feeling every day like I've done something wrong because my mother treats me like crap, so I've printed off the conversation between my uncle and I and I wanted to just send her a copy of it all and then I will feel better and hopefully she will feel stupid but I know that won't be the case because she'll think of someway to say that I've written it or something.

Now I also want something done about the last 18 years of emotional abuse I have gone through, and the emotional damage my kids and my relationships have suffered because of his "young and dumb" stupidity. After all these years, I don't know if I am able to open a case about it. I'm so lost.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Tabi

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Mar 25, 2009

No statute of limitations on child abuse in Canada...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tabi, of course you would feel lost. I am so sorry that your mother, the person who should have kept you safe from harm called you, and continues to call you, a liar over your disclosure of sexual abuse. It was so brave of you to tell; and she betrayed and abandoned you when you did. She was not, and does not appear to be yet, a support for you. You need supportive people to rally around you, people like your father and stepmother, who were a support for you when you first disclosed.

As to whether or not you are able to "open a case" with regard to the sexual abuse at the hands of your uncle, in Canada, there is no statute of limitations on child abuse. As long as the abuse occurred in Canada, you can file a statement of historical sexual child abuse against your uncle through the police department. But you must be prepared for what may or may not come to pass if you decide to go this route.

If you go into such litigation with the expectation that justice will be served, it is quite likely you will be disappointed. In fact, you could be further victimized, because if you go through a court case, and then the court rules with a not guilty verdict, you will be dealing with the emotional residue of that. It was bad enough when your mother called you a liar; imagine what it might be like to have gone through the terrible ordeal of a trial, only to walk away after the system failed you and feeling as though that system called you a liar.

I'm not saying that you should or should not go through with such litigation; I'm only warning you of the possible consequences. But in truth, Tabi, it isn't you who decides whether or not a case goes to court. That is up to the prosecution. They determine whether or not there is enough evidence for a trial; and will only proceed if they believe the evidence could yield a conviction.

It is still highly advisable to file a statement with your local police department, because if others have also filed against this man, there would be more victims and thus more evidence against him. Not to mention that he is likely STILL sexually abusing girls.

Your anger is so justifiable. But you need to deal with that anger. You and your children deserve that. Please consider entering into some form of counselling in order to help you.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I do wish you and your children all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 26, 2009

Statute of limitations?
by: Scott Canada

I know how you feel Tabi,and I too wonder about punishing those who abused me. I have had this question on my mind for years and perhaps this is a good time for me to ask Darlene about it. I was wondering how the statute of limitations applies to those of us who were abused (beaten) in school. I was wondering Darlene if you could tell me if a teacher can be held responsible for the physical abuse(spanking) that I was forced to endure. I am aware that such treatment was condoned back then,(73)but can they be punished for it. Today,in Canada,it would be illegal for a teacher to spank a child not to mention bare a child in the classroom and spank them. I'm guessing it was legal back then so the statute need not apply.

From Darlene: Since I'm not a lawyer, Scott, I can't give you any legal advice. What I do know is that bringing a teacher to trial for historic child abuse when what she did was legal at the time would be very difficult. Without the likelihood of a conviction, a prosecutor would not take it on. There are precedents, but generally they deal with many victims (primarily sexual abuse) and are issues about misuse of trust, power and authority. One notorious case was that of 1970s teacher, Tom Ellison, who abused his position of trust and authority by having sexual relations with his teenage female students. A film titled School of Secrets, by filmmaker, Melanie Wood, that tells the story of these women was release in October 2007.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 27, 2009

I wish u the best
by: Anonymous

all that's very sad i feel for you i cant even imagine my self in ur position n i know it hurts for your mother to not even belive you relating to a subject like this but just keep the one you love very close to u know matter what

Dec 09, 2009

No excuse
by: BMW Princess

There is no excuse for doing that. Not drugs.
Not a bad day . Not being young and dumb nothing.
You were so brave toconfront him on facebook.
All the best to you.

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Child Abuse Story From Tabi

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Child Abuse Story From Tabi