Child Abuse Story From Siobhan

by Siobhan
(Liverpool)

I was physically abused by my mum from a really young age, she was trying to get a good job and studying to feed me and my younger sister, but it reversed because she was soo stressed she beat me, but never my sister? my earliest memory is of her dragging me up the stairs by my hair after i snipped it a little. Then a minute later she sat me on the counter and put a bag of frozen veg on my eye. I always remember racing up the stairs trying to run to my room. hiding under the quilt before she came and just started punching like crazy & ragging my hair.

I was a misfit at the time of the sexual abuse, the teacher when i was 7 always treated me different, because i acted different, all adults hated me because i was always attention seeking. One day my dad asked me and my sister to go with him to the canal, which we jumped for joy at, but when there, he took us into this bush, deep into the bushes where he asked us both to remove our pants, my sister was only 5 and immediately just did it, but i said no and told her to pull them back up, i remember looking at the fence we just climbed over and wanting to just run and jump over, but my dad pulled his down, i was terrified, i'd never seen anything like that before,and he said "go on, touch it, it's not a monster, it won't bite" and he grabbed mine and pulled mmine down and i pulled on him once or twice.

Other than that i dont really remember what else happened there other than asking my dad what a "mary" as we used to call it was really called. It only really leasted for a few days, but there where signs earlier i feel my mum should of picked up on, like i have a memory of him pulling my skirt off and throwing it into the garden in front of two teenage boys, and he kept doing it again and again. and when i had chicken pocks, he insisted on putting the cream onto my vulva. and he had previously pulled my cousins towel off when she was really young. but my mum did nothing?

I knew it was weird and one night when my mum went out, he was left looking after me, he tried squeezing his finger in, it hurt and he stopped, he just sat next to me masturbating with a jacket over us both while my sister sat in front watching tv. And i remember him getting her involved, and doing things, which scar me, but she doesn't remember anything. i told my mum after that night, and she was going through a lot herself, but she carried on, she beat me until i was 11 or 12 even now, i still see glimpses on how her temper switches, but she always does the most she can for us now, and proclaims she always has, she always had a job, but she blocks out the facts she beat me, after she knew what i was going through and whenever i try to discuss it she says she was mentally ill and suicidal and leaves the room.

I was badly bullied in high school over my nose, called pinochio EVERY day, and all the teachers ignored it, same in primary i was made to go to stupid clases when i wasn't, i never was, i just left school with great grades. Most of my friends wonder why i dont have a dad, because i do seem quite well off compared to them now. A girl who i used to hang out with envied this, and the only thing she knew was that i didn't have a dad, and she did, so every day she would say stuff about her dad, saying my dad did this n that she deliberately would say "my dad" as many times as she could, because she is from a poor family, i dont brag, and she was compulsively lying to me every day. i never raelly was bothered at all about not having a father, but she mentally tested me too much.

I now have a really big problem with stalking people, this woman from spain, i save pictures of her from facebook, its nothing sexual, i thnik i kind of subconsciously envy her. She found out, i was discussing her with people she knew and blocked me, its crazier because she's my spanish tachers cousin. I only saw her profile picture, and out of nohere got really obsessed, but i've learned spanish from it, i'm taking it in college, and would say im pretty fluent. I feel crazy, but i can't stop, i want to. I'm gonna move and start a new life.

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