Child Abuse Story From Sharon4

by Sharon
(Australia)

It all began when I was around 6, or thereabouts. I remember Mum telling me I couldn't sit on Dad's knee or cuddle him anymore because I was too old now. I also remember crying as she cut off my hair from around my waist, to above my ears and all crooked. It's all a bit jumbled up and I can only put it all together roughly.

I spent a few frosty nights locked in the shed, but I can't remember why. Most of my clothes were ugly. She would belt me often and with almost anything, but usually a willow duster handle. I don't think I was a bad child, but I can't remember why this happened.

My older brother experienced beatings, but much less often than me. She would belt me, and my baby brother would be encouraged to watch and laugh. She never laid a hand on him. Often she would tell me I was ugly and she wished she had never had me. As a teenager she told me I was a tart and would amount to nothing.

My father never hurt me, but he never stopped her either.

When I was in high school, I had to knock on the door before I was allowed in. There were many other humiliating things she would do, like tip drinks over my head.

I left home at 16. I am 42 now. Lately, I remember things at random times. I have for years suffered clinical depression and have had some drug issues and alcohol as well. I don't drink or use any substances now except cigarettes. I have 5 very loved and adored children and have never beaten any of them, but have been terrified at times that I might be like her.

My father died recently, and my mother was ok to me and my family for awhile when he was ill. Just recently we discovered my 8-year-old son is autistic, and she began to become hostile to me and my oldest daughter and nasty to my son at this time.

She likes to talk about the men she has been dating, within 2 weeks of my father's death, to me but I'm sure she knows this upsets me as I change the subject, but she keeps speaking about it.

I have been married 3 times and have always been very unsure of my own worth. I worry all the time that someone will harm my children. I am too afraid to seek advice because I'm not sure how I could explain everything and remember it all. Reading this back makes me feel like it's all lies, and I don't know why because it all happened and lots more.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.