Child Abuse Story From Shane

by Shane - A Molested Boy
(Texas, USA)

I was sexually abused starting around the age of 5-6 years old by a male cousin that was five years older than me. This lasted up until I was 14. Sadly when it first started in my state of confusion I thought it was funny and kind of cool. I remember it started out by him wanting me to sit in front of him on a chair in the garage at his house, he grabbed my hand and placed it on his erected penis. I swung around fast-like to see what was happening. After exchanging some conversation, I recall telling him we could be "sex partners". (I'm so embarrassed by this because it looks like this is what I wanted).

So I would stay the night at his house and he would make me fondle him while he fondled me. This happened on alot of occasions. Then one day when I was 7 or 8 he had this tent set up in his backyard for some odd reason. He told me to lay on my stomach and he pulled my shorts and underwear down and tried performing anal on me. Luckily at that time he couldn't get it to insert. After that he started to force me to do oral. I didn't know what was going on. He held my head down so I wouldn't "take my mouth off of it". I was confused and disgusted and at the same time choking.

So some time went by and I remember I had walked to his house after school when I was in the 5th grade so I was 10 yrs. old by this time. He was the only one home. He told me to go to his bedroom where he undressed me and himself. I was very reluctant to do this because I was starting to get the belief of homosexuality being wrong. (I have nothing against it). At school kids were teasing kids about being gay and stuff so I didn't like it. He begins forcing me to grope him and notices I'm not into it. He forced me. It hurt so bad I had screamed out in agony. I pleaded and begged him to stop and he wouldn't. Finally his dad had showed up from work and we quickly got dressed and I was in such relief that this agonizing pain had stopped. This type of abuse just continued on until I got into highschool and he got married.

I'm so thankful that I no longer have to endure this. I'm also ashamed that I had to deal with this. Now when I look back on it I wish several things. I wish I hadn't "acted like it was funny and kinda cool", I wish I would have spoken up and told someone. This selfish act upon his part has ruined my life. I'm now 30 years old. I have no real relationship as I do not allow people to get close to me. I don't like being touched, and I don't mean in my private parts. I mean I don't like people touching me period. I have severe self-esteem issues obviously. I think I have anxiety. And everyday I tell myself that life isn't worth living and I should end it. I'm not going to cause I want to live and exist, but I have to admit not wanting to exist.

I know I'm not the only one that has been violated or wronged. I know I'm not the only one. They say it's suppose to get better. That's what I'm waiting for, no matter how long it takes. If you took the time to read my story, THANK YOU. Sharing this has been a huge help. And if you're currently being abused please tell someone and get help now. Again thank you for reading my story.

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Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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