Our thoughts persist...until we learn there is another way... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster
Scott, I agree with you. That teacher was twisted. The harm she's done...I do empathize with you. In the 70s, teachers were permitted, even encouraged, to dole out this form of discipline. The fact that she imposed it only on you does indicate that she was bound and determine to make an example of you, that she had it in for you. And yes, it is perfectly normal for a young male to have an erection when he is scared, anxious or nervous. These situations can leave a child with "imprinting", as the body confuses sexual feelings with tremendous anxiety; which can (not always, but can) lead to fetishes, fetishes the person does not want, but is often compelled toward. This in turn leaves the adult person in distress as s/he tries to reconcile how it is that painful and abusive acts done in childhood could possibly turn into a fetish...it's all so very confusing and disturbing.
Scott, what that woman did to you was a very long time ago. She can only continue to do what she did to you in your mind. She cannot inflict this pain on you any longer; only your thoughts about what she did can keep this alive. She has "ruined your life" only if you continue to give up your power to her. Please consider some form of counselling to help you with the emotional residue. But even more than that, I strongly urge you to pick up a book by Bryon Katie titled Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. Her approach is to simply question your thoughts. What have you got to lose, except maybe those horribly endless thoughts.
Below I've shared a similar story to yours—with some differences—in the hope you come to know that although only you were forced to endure that teacher's painful punishments, you really aren't alone.
A shared experience... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster
I had three teachers like this woman, two of them were female. The first was in grade one: Mrs. Boileau. She kept a large empty coffee can in the storage closet at the front of the room, close to her desk. On the first day of school she told all of us already scared first-graders that she collected children's tears. If we cried, we would have to cry in the bucket. It didn't matter if she used a ruler or a pointer on us—and she did so with great regularity, particularly with the boys—if we cried, we were forced to place our face over that bucket so that she could take our tears home with her. "Oh, how I love children's tears," she said as though she were some witch. We were all so terrified, several children peed themselves. She slowly walked between each of the rows, using her yardstick as a cane of sorts. She was doing a visual inspection, looking for evidence. When she saw that a child had a wet spot or if there was a puddle under the child's desk, she stopped and told that child to march up to the front of the room and to stand next to her desk for everyone in the classroom "to see and laugh at". No one was laughing that day. When she had finally finished with her "inspection" she went back up to the front of the room, to the closet that housed her bucket. She placed it on the side of her desk. One by one, she called over each child, made him or her bare their bottom, then she bent that child over the front of her desk for all the children in their seats to view what was about to come. She then gave each of those little 5- and 6-year-olds 10 hard swats with that yardstick, counting each one loudly. The marks she left made me almost passed out.
After she was done swatting a child, she made that child place his/her face into that bucket of hers to collect the tears, as she went on to paddle the next child and the next. When she finished swatting the third child, she gave permission for the first to pull up his pants and go back to his desk, and then instructed the second to put her face in the bucket. She went through each child in this way. By the time the third child had his head in the bucket, there wasn't a child in that classroom who wasn't crying. When she was done with all those poor little ones at the front of the room, she made each of us who had not been paddled, go to the front and put our face in that bucket to shed our tears. One little girl vomited. One little boy fell to the floor and curled up in a fetal position. The noise of those terrible swats and of 32 little kids crying profusely somehow caught the attention of our school principal. She was our rescuer that day; but Mrs. Boileau was back teaching us the next day and every day afterward. Most of us were forced to endure her beatings or that nefarious bucket of hers.
I wish you all the peace and healing you can find. I dare not say I have shared the extent of your humility from this sick (fill-in-the-blank explitive), though I did have a similar experience of being...well...
I am a teacher now...kids are safe with me.
Dec 25, 2008
I didnt think it was real. by: Scott ,N.S. Canada
Writing my story here turned out to be a big deal for me.I had held on to this secret so long that it got to the point that I didnt think it really happened.As I read others stories I commented on them and added more to my own story that way.I didnt think it was real.I felt so alone and embarassed writing this stuff down.But reading other stories,and your comments on mine I realized I was not alone.Unless everyone here is making this stuff up.I found it unbelievable.I cant believe corpral punishment was used in schools back then.You see,to others this may be just another story,But to me it was a major defining moment of my life.I will get over it,but will never let it go.Im told it was common and encouraged,and from my search on this subject it is still used in schools.Thank you for letting me tell my side of this story.People may think it is trivial,but if you had my memories,the pictures in my mind,you would know it wasnt trivial.This stuff aint funny!It was child abuse.It was legal,and it was encouraged.Should I just forget?....Dont think so.Those who dont remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
Dec 30, 2008
Whipped Naked by: Sean
That is gross - being whipped completely naked is so abusive, both physically and sexually. I had a teacher that would make kids strip to their underwear in front of the class, then whip them with a belt. If she asked you to stay after class or took you into the storeroom, that meant she was going to take off your underwear too and whip you naked. I know for a fact that she whipped both boys and girls on the bare genitals back in the storeroom. It happened to me and my sister. Thank you for sharing your story, it gave me strength to share mine.
Jan 19, 2009
oh sick witch!!! by: Anonymous
aaaaagrrrrrrhhhhh i wish i could turn back time, teletransport to that classroom, stop what she was doing to you, and pull down her pants in front of everyone!! so she could see what it feels like!!!!!!! WHAT A PERV SHE WAS!!
aww sunshine i hope your heart would heal one day :), just forgive her and forget about that, its over:)
Apr 09, 2009
Cry in a bucket by: fred
I've been looking all over the internet for the phrase "cry in a bucket." All I found were expressions for the amount of tears. But this is the first place I've seen it used as part of the punishment. I had two teachers (1st grade and 5th grade) who used the bucket as punishment: any kid who cried was placed over the wastebasket and told to "FILL IT!" This usually happened because a kid was slow and cracked under the teacher's impatience. We got smacked around a little bit, but never naked. This was all in small-town Kansas, by the way.
I appreciate these stories. They have helped me to understand that I wasn't making up that memory of the bucket. Maybe it was rare in the seventies, but it was going on. I have never been able to stay married or have children, but I have a wonderful girlfriend who listens and helps. She, along with martial arts and meditation, has saved me from suicide.
From Darlene: Thank you for sharing here, Fred. I'm glad the stories here have helped you with your own painful past. If you decide you'd like to share more of what you dealt with, go to my child abuse stories page. The link will take you to the invitation form.
Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 27, 2012
Scott1 by: Beverly Jones
Scott I have read your story and I am sorry you went through this, I am a child abuse survivor myself and it's been a very hard road. Trying to release the anger but ya gotta do it. have you charged this woman? you still can! as for your friend still haunting you about this, they are not your friends! they are as bad as she was/is! You need to free yourself and you can do this not just for yourself but for any other child she may have done this to. Be strong Scott show her how the tables have changed and how you have SURVIVED, do not allow to her to be in control anymore, these abusers have got to learn that we the victims back then have grown up to be SURVIVORS and that we will fight back! do this for yourself and do it for all the abused children
Apr 30, 2012
so far 1 by: Scott 1
Hi
I cant rememeber who this woman is. This I just dont understand. She may me right under my nose in this community and I wouldnt know it. This place makes my skin crawl. I feel violated every time I leave the house.
So far I have only a few trusted witnesses. They cant remember the offenders identity either, but they recall the events(abuse)well. These are the friends that in their youth made fun, but no longer. Weve grown. Why they cant recall her is beyond me. But then why cant I, how can I possably not remember her face..her name?
I have researched the local normal collage and none of the names ring a bell. Luckily it has a community feel and people post where they work and where they used to work and they are retired. No luck there.
I have tracked down my school records. They sit at the high school I attended. That is what happens to them, they move from school to school until the last school. I dont think they were moved to my trade school. Dont think it works like that. All that said I still havent gone to get them. There is a level of anxiety that wont allow my legs to carry me there and ask for them. So apparently there they sit. Just miles from here.
Ive contacted different teachers. Alls well until I dip into this subject. Then mail stops and e-mail adresses stop working. Its like they disapeared. Theyre online activity stops. I could just randomly email known teachers but do you really think the offender will reply with "yes its me!"
I have numerous former classmates searching, but I know they arent. They said they would. But Im affraid they found it is be a friend of theirs and they keep it quiet. I feel its almost a conspiracy of silence. I know that sounds paranoid, but after the initial "oh my god really, where was this?..Im so sorry" "yes Ill help" then thats the end of it. No return on mails. Email bounce back, people dissapearing. Am I supposed to go door to door knowing like a lost puppy in the rain?
Ive run out of people to ask for old school photos. Promises promises and the ones I have dont ring any huge bells. Its like my mind is numb. Am I staring right at her?
Apr 30, 2012
so far 2 by: Scott 1
It took decades for the "athorities" to take serious and take action the abuse claims at a local school for colored kids here. If they dont care about that who am I. This is a pending class action. I cant find another "surviver" of my lot, let alone enough for class action. I just dont think one person(me) is enough. And as Darlene pointed out, it was accepted and even ecouraged and extremely common. They hope that ill die soon and shut my mouth. Theyll get their wish as my heath nose dives.
Im sorry please excuse me while I go get another drink.
It was suggested I put an ad in the local newpaper, like the opinion section. But anything there reqiuers my full name and address and phone number. I wanted as much amunition as I could gather before I exposed myself to another pubic spanking. I really dont think these people get it, Im not a child anymore. Im a malfunctioning adult that they made. Im having a very hard time managing my anger these days and depression well....thats a given. This is the road to healing well its been fun so far. Ive read of former priests and such being held responsable for (bare bottom) spanking girls in the 60,s. How is it they were taken seriously?
Do you think this teacher even remembers me or what she has done?
