Child Abuse Story From Scott H

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Child Abuse Story From Scott H

by Scott H
(Iowa, USA)

My story was a long and very brutal one. I could tell you I had a magical childhood in a way. I was lucky to ever have a day where I wasn't being raped or beaten, or verbally abused. My life was sh*t, but to tell this to anyone else, people didn't believe me because I was so detailed in it all and showed the scars and tried to get attention. No one believed me even to this day no one believes me. So I scratch at the scars hoping that someone will see me bleeding and come to cover them up.

I was molested by my older brother at the age of about 4 or 5. I was groomed by him and my cousins to like sex and give sex to them daily. I eventually became willing to give them the sex and I was told that I needed to keep doing it and sharing it with others. I became a monster of sorts. But people didn't see me as a victim and still don't. I have done a lot of illegal things throughout my years mainly because of the pain I get from not being sexual. It becomes too much to endure and the shame goes deeper than my soul can touch. I even wonder if God has felt this much pain on the cross. I hope that I die soon at times of great sorrow, and I know that I have hurt others, but I don't care. Others don't care about me so why should I worry about how they are hurting when I hurt them. I have been shown no love at all in my life, except one time with my wife and a female pastor who treated me better than anyone else in the world took me in and showed me how to truly be loved and to share that love with others. I didn't get to learn enough though because I still hurt and I am still hurting others, but not as much. Mostly mentally and emotionally. That is because I still receive that same feeling from others. I wish someone would stop and show me further how to remove these feelings.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Scott H

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Dec 07, 2011

Scott:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You don't remove those feelings. What you do is understand that they are as a result of being harmed; and then ensure you never ever inflict that same kind of harm onto others and leave them feeling the same way. You've had it happen to you, therefore, you know the pain; and don't want that pain for others. It's called empathy. If all the people in the world were to give themselves permission to harm another as a result of being harmed themselves, we wouldn't survive as a human race. Somewhere along the piece we as a human race must decide to end the cycle of violence. And that starts with you, Scott. Just as it started with me, and with every other person who was ever harmed. Mahatma Gandhi said: "An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind." And that's so true. You've decided that others deserve what you dish out because of what others did to you while you were a child. You've also decided that others owe you lessons in love because you didn't learn them well enough when they were freely given by others. You've also decided that others be damned. The truth is, you've decided. You are the one who always gets to decide. You can decide to take another path. You can make changes in your life. You can turn this around. But in order to do so, you must take responsibility for your life and your Self. You must stop blaming everyone else for the way you now respond, because the truth is, you get to choose how to respond, regardless of what you endured growing up. There's a spark there, Scott. I can see it. The spark can grow into love and light, but you must first choose to let it grow. Turn your pain into power, not by harming others, but by helping others. Please seek out some form of counselling or therapy in order to deal with the effects of childhood abuse. You didn't deserve to be abuse, just as others don't deserve to be abused by you. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were abused. Love, light and positive energy to you, Scott. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Scott H

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Child Abuse Story From Scott H