Child Abuse Story From Sarah A

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah A

by Sarah A.
(Ontario, Canada)

I can't remember how old I was when the first abuse took place. I think I was 3 or 4, just a baby. I only get vague flashbacks of details. My mother had left my father and we were living in a small apartment with only one bed. It must have been one of her boyfriends. When she dumped me with one of my aunts, I was very sick and had some severe emotional problems.

They took me to a babysitter during the day. She was in her living room most of the day watching TV while the kids where in the garage, which had been converted into a play room. I remember "playing" games which involved touching each others' genitals. When they found out about this, I was taken to a counsellor, and there I guess I had revealed some disturbing things.

At the same time, I started visiting my father on the weekends. He was very depressed and on drugs, I think. He started French kissing me and told me I reminded him of my mother. He would kiss me a lot that way and it felt wrong, but it was the only attention he had shown me. I also remember he had me rub his penis with baby oil and put it in my mouth. I can't remember if he actually penetrated me, but I do remember lying in front of him naked as he rubbed his penis against me and saying something so disgusting that I won't repeat it. I am so disgusted as I write this but I have to get these horrible things out of my head. This abuse happened when I was 5 and has had damaged me so bad that I am now struggling with alcoholism and depression. The thing that makes me the most angry is that my family knew about this and let me live with him after the abuse. They had me lie to social workers to protect him.

I have very little contact with him now. I got out at 16. He has 4 small kids now that he gets to see on the weekends. I pray that they never get abused in any way.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Sarah A" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah A

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Jan 29, 2009

Sex offenders don't change their ways...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sarah, your father's other children are very likely being abused in the same way you were. If you don't step up and tell Child Protective Services what he did to you, and thus try to protect the children he sees on weekends now, then you can expect that at some point, when those children grow up, they'll likely be asking you the same question you are now asking your family: You knew, so why didn't you do anything about it?

I know this is a lot to put on you, especially given all the pain, betrayal and abandonment you've had to face. But I'm betting you would rather be able to stand up and tell those children that you did everything in your power to help them from suffering the same fate you suffered than to have to justify why you didn't speak up when you could have. Keep in mind, there is no statute of limitations on child abuse in Canada.

I can certainly understand how disgusted you are at the thought of all the horrible things that happened to you, let alone actually writing them down. What your father did to you was perverted and sick. I just hope you understand that none of what happened to you was your fault. The fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your molesting father and your enabling family. I do hope you are in some form of counselling to help you deal with all the repercussions (depression, alcoholism, etc.) of having a sex offender for a father and a family that enabled the abuse when they chose to do nothing about it. You didn't deserve what you had to endure, Sarah, but you certainly deserve to get help for what you endured. You're worth that help; but you have to be the one to seek it out for yourself. I sincerely hope you do that.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Sarah.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jan 29, 2009

thank you Darlene
by: Sarah A

Thank you for your caring response.Your site has been very helpful to me and I have much respect for the work you do.
I have to tell you that after my father abused me during the age 4and 5 he asked me to forgive him for "the thing that happened between me and you".Ofcourse I said I forgive you Dad and it was not spoken about until he was married about 1 year later.He told his new wife what he had done and she divorced him right away and reported it to my school.I lied when they questioned me because I already lost my mother and I did not want him to go to jail.A social worker came to the house and I was expected to lie.Throughout the rest of my childhood was alot of neglect and emotional abuse but that was the end of the sexual abuse.I guess he was able to repress his sickness.
Although I have very little contact with him I know he's got the 4 kids ages 4-10 and he has just gone through his 4th divorce and I hate to put the kids through more trama.The abuse took place 25 years ago how would you handle this situation?
I am seeking treatment and am under the care of a psyciatrist.I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder.The worst thing about this is I have horrible flashbacks all the time.I know there was much more to the early abuse but I can't remember that far back.What do you think of hipnosis?I need to remember details so I can let go.Its so frustation having distrubing feelings and not know where they came from.
Thank you agian,
Sarah A.

Jan 31, 2009

To Sarah:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sarah, I must be upfront about my ability to answer questions for my visitors: I've suspended my Ask Darlene feature because I no longer have time to answer questions for the hundreds who email me with their requests for information and my opinion. If you follow this site, you know I do what I do on my own time. I hope you understand that this will be the only time I can offer some suggestions to you:

As I stated in my first reply, it's likely your father is still molesting. In Canada, if we know or suspect a child is being abused, we have a legal obligation to report it to the authorities. Yes, the fact that you lied once before could detrimentally affect your disclosure and whether or not you'll be believed, but to NOT act is to quite possibly enable the abuse of these children. You have to do what you know is right. I can't tell you what to do.

As for hypnosis, not everyone can be hypnotized. Alcohol, medication and state of mind can influence whether or not hypnosis is successful. It CAN be very therapeutic when administered by a highly trained professional, one who knows proper technique, as well as how to deal with the repercussions of what is recalled by the client/patient.

I understand your need to know more about what you don't remember of your childhood. But I believe you have more pressing issues to deal with right now. Perhaps hypnosis is something you can hold off on for a time. Talk to you therapist about options and what you'd like to do. I wouldn't recommend taking the route of hypnosis without your therapist's knowledge. Indeed, s/he may even be able to work with you in this regard.

I wish you all the best in your healing and recovery, Sarah. And thank you for the kind words about the work I do on my site; I very much appreciate that you took the time to express your gratitude.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah A

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Child Abuse Story From Sarah A