Child Abuse Story From Samantha2

by Samantha
(USA)

It started when I was a little girl. Everything was great. I had a mommie and a daddie and I was a major daddy's girl. My dad look to alcohol. He was and is an alcoholic. Mom sent him to jail multiple times because he was acting stupid. It all started with my mom when my dad would yell at her constantly. They might have not known if I heard it, but I did. I heard things you would think a 3-6 year old would forget.

I never hated my dad. I mean he would yell at me and he would be mad at me and I always felt like why, why me. I didn't do anything wrong; that's right, I didn't do anything wrong. He was just mad and I was just scared.

Then my sister was a baby learning how to crawl and I was 2 and I thought for the longest time it was a dream that my dad could actually slam me into the wall and yell at me for putting the baby over the toy box. I was always the one in trouble, always the one with an attitude, and pretty soon I started believing it.

Then I was about 7. I was always a happy kid, but at 7 there was this 14-year-old boy, and we played "doctor" if you know what I'm saying. I knew it was wrong but what could I do, I was 7, so I let it go. I never told a single soul ever...

Then Dad was being mean to Mm again. They would fight and fight and I was the one that got the backlash from it all. I was the worthless one. I was the one who was a failure. But hey, I was still a daddy's girl because he was in control.

We moved. My mom was going to divorce my dad, but they ended up staying together. Watching him belittle my mom and watching my second mom be belittled and watching my sister be abused and run away because she is scared and pregnant just pushes me further away from the world.

A few days after my 16 birthday, 16 years of belittling, 16 years of control, 16 years of trying to hurt me, the physical abuse started again. He was drinking. We had always argued when he got to drinking cuz it was like he was attacking me for doing NOTHING. That's when he struck, not once but twice, throwing an island table at me, then hitting me in the face leaving a mark... To this day I just don't know how to feel.

I'm 17, and I feel like I am the failure people tell me I am. I know I have both of my moms on my side, but I just feel like it won't ever be enough all the time. I just feel as though if I were to end my life I would feel so so so much better, but I know, and the only reason I know is because I care about everyone else before me. I know it would hurt a lot of people. And I would have gone down without a fight. But the biggest fight in life to face is the one within yourself. After years of being convinced you are nothing to the world, you have to try to convince yourself that you are something, that you will be someone great, that at least once in your life you will affect someone's life greatly. Even all those are great things to think it's hard to go.

Emotional abuse is hard to overcome, especially when you keep things inside for so many years. I can't tell you it's going to be easy. I can't tell you things are going to change. All I can tell you is it's not your fault. You didn't make them angry. You should not be getting punished. And absolutely no person should have to face any type of abuse in their life. If you are being abused, get help right away. Get out of there. Overcoming abuse will also be hard but you can do it and you need to do it. A child is killed by an abuser every day. Don't be another child.

Note from Darlene: I regret that I can no longer continue the practice of commenting on visitor submissions to the degree I have in the past, as I am currently writing a book on healing from child abuse. I ask that you please read my post of June 24, 2009 titled Announcement Regarding my Comments for a complete explanation. I welcome you to follow my progress on my Facebook page at Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I do hope to hear from you there.

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