Home
Sitemap
My Blog
Child Abuse Stories
My Story
Child Abuse News
Write a Commentary
The Lighter Side
Awakening
OpenSpace
Statistics
C/A History
Emotional Abuse
      Types of E.A.
      Signs of E.A.
       Effects of E.A.
         - Bullying
      Stats for E.A.
Physical Abuse
     Signs of P.A.
      Abuse/Dis'pln
      Effects of P.A.
     Stats for P.A.
Child Neglect
     Signs of C.N.
      Effects of C.N.
     Stats for C.N.
      Poverty & C.N.
Sexual Abuse
      Definition S.A.
     Signs of S.A.
      Effects of S.A.
     Stats of S.A.
Sexual Abuse Victims
   Male Victims
     Female Victims
     V w/ Disability
  Disclosures
Sex Offenders
  Male S.O.
    Female S.O.
  Child S.O.
   Youth S.O.
   Incest S.O.
     Internet S.O.
Child Abuse Law
      Age-Majority
     Duty-Report
Intervention
Prevention
Stories of Healing
Exch w/ an Abuser
Visitor Comments
Letters from Readers
Link to this Site
Resources
FREE E-zine
Ask Darlene
Dating Violence
Privacy Policy
Site Search
[?] Subscribe To This Site

XML RSS
Add to Google
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to My MSN
Subscribe with Bloglines

Child Abuse Story From Sal

by Sal
(USA)




Sexual Abuse Story From My Closet: 
Today I want to rid myself of a part of my story that I don't feel brave enough to share anywhere else. I can't take it anymore. I don't sleep. I find myself causing suffering for anyone around me because I am so angry all the time. I am faking being a wife and a mother. Parts of it I enjoy, but until I heal the craters of pain, I am much like a dormant volcano; when it erupts it will be chaos and destruction for all who are trying to love me.

At about 6 years old, maybe, a cousin decided to fondle his curiosity, me. Then maybe a couple of years later, an adopted uncle (only a few years my senior) did the same. I think this was practice, or maybe like a toe in the water, for what I would face just a year later.

A man came into my mother's life who would destroy my world. He started as a worker in our home. He spent his mornings feeling me, literally. His hand would find its way into my underwear and then inside me. I would pretend to be asleep. It never worked. Pretty soon he was telling me that if he had to take my mom along he would to be with me. It was unreal. I didn't understand it.

But then again, for the first time in my life someone was paying attention to me. My mom had always treated me with indifference. This attention was new.

It went on to become severe sexual, emotional, physical and mental abuse. At 16 I had been raped and used daily for 7 straight years. When I told my mom, she abandoned me. It was my fault, it didn't happen, I was lying. My dad couldn't take me, so I was a foster care child. I went into the next part of my life, pretending that I was okay; and that is where I am today. Still pretending.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Sal" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.




Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Sal

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 20, 2008
Some questions to consider for yourself...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sal, it WASN'T your fault; it DID happen; you WEREN'T—AREN'T— a liar. Your mother had serious problems that you bore the brunt of. Her emotional abandonment must have been devastating. You endured emotional abuse and neglect by your mother, and every form of abuse there is by a child molester.

Your mother also physically abandoned you (and so did your father). Allow me to pose this question: If your mother had not turned her back on you physically, if you had been able to stay with her, would you have been better off? Consider the ways that you were better off: she was indifferent to you even before the abuse at the hands of that twisted excuse for a man; the abuse was going on for years, yet she supposedly did not know that something untoward was happening to her beautiful and precious daughter; she didn't believe you when you finally felt safe enough to disclose the molestation. I'm sure you can come up with even more examples.

On a purely logical level you know that you can't change what happened to you in your past; yet on an emotional level you continue to relive your past over and over in your mind. Memories are thoughts, Sal. People don't let go of thoughts; thoughts let go of them, but only when those unhealthy thoughts are questioned and reversed.

Reliving the abusive events and reliving the effects of these events, manifests in your role as a wife and mother, but it also manifests within you. Consider these questions, Sal: Have you abandoned yourself in the same way your mother abandoned you? Find some genuine examples of such self-abandonment. Are you neglecting yourself the same way both your mother and father neglected you? Again, find some genuine examples of such self-neglect. By reliving your memories of the abuse over and over in your mind, can you understand that your unhealthy thoughts are in a sense sexually abusing you each and every day, in spite of the fact that you are no longer physically experiencing that abuse? These above questions are a way to reverse your thoughts, Sal. Only by questioning and then reversing your unhealthy thoughts, can you hope to have those thoughts let go of you.

You were powerless as a child. As an adult, you CAN make choices for yourself that will help move you forward. The fact that you are aware of what is happening to you is a HUGE plus. But now you must act on that knowledge. I cannot be strong enough in my urgings for you to seek out some form of counselling for yourself. For your personal sanity, it's time to stop "pretending", and instead to start "professing". A professional can help you with that. You're worth that kind of help, Sal, you really are.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 20, 2008
thanks
by: Anonymous

thank you for your words. i needed to read them. you really put so much thought into trying to help me today that i am going to think about what you said. maybe i will write and answer your questions to myself. i like that you said not to abandon myself. i think that made a lot of sense.

i read about your book. you went through a lot. you seem so strong. it gives me hope.

i am sorry for what you went through.

thanks for helping us have somewhere to tell secrets. thank you for giving us a voice.

i thought if i said it, it would just die.

but i didn't, i am still here. i am going to think a lot about this.

Note from Darlene: Thank you for your kind words, Sal. I seldom hear back from my contributors; when I do, I am very appreciative.

What you've just written above tells me you are on well your way to improving things for yourself. Congratulations! And you are so right; you thought saying what happened to you would cause your death, yet here you still are. And I am so glad you are still here. Keep questioning those unhealthy thoughts and then reverse them. You'll be amazed at just how healing that can be.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 21, 2008
All I can say is Sorry.
by: Anonymous

I am sorry you had to go through so much. Please do what Darlene said to do and get better. I found your story, and I love you. Please let me help. I don't want to add to the pain. You are worth it Sal.

Nov 23, 2008
My thoughts are with you
by: kristen

I am so sorry you had to endure this. This is just a short note to let you know that you are not alone and that I am thinking of you.
k

Nov 24, 2008
thanks
by: Anonymous

i came by today, to read others storys. i saw that someone cared and left a comment for me. i wanted to say thanks. i appreciate the love that i feel that you would care to do that. thank you.

Click here to add your own comments