Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear

Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear

by Steven W (Rupert Bear is my pet name)
(London, England, UK)

I have spent my life trying to adjust and never succeeding. The story I have to tell seems very common since I have found this site. I was sexually and physically abused from the age of 5 till about 15 by numerous people around me. This abuse affected my outlook on life at a very early age, and when I look back, I see how it damaged any chance I had of progressing as a human. There does not seem any point to go into detail.

I have suffered all types of extreme sexual abuse and physical torture by numerous individuals that were neighbors, family friends and scout masters. I think that abusers are so clever in the way that they instigate their actions and then carefully cover themselves. They are like secret agents in a perverse way. The effect they leave is cemented in the way that they can leave You and are never held accountable for what they did. My experiences are not unique, but are of course very important to me, so I will keep them with me.

I regret not being a good person and learning in a positive way about people. I've tried to read lots, hoping that knowledge would help me in some way. But it has only seemed to add to my cynicism of people and society.

I am now 38 years old. I have no partner or anyone that I can say is a friend. I don't mean I don't have people around me that would care. What I mean is I don't have anyone that I can share this with. I did try this with someone, but I think I destroyed that friendship because of my behavior. My lack of emotional control and understanding the limits of friendship and more helped me pay the ultimate price of losing someone that I think could have helped me.

I still contemplate suicide, as I'm sure all victims of abuse do. Every choice I ever took in my life has been the easiest and wrong decision.

Please let my story be a reason for people to think hard about trying to deal with all this alone. It won't work. If it does, that's amazing, and You are much stronger and wiser person than me. I know it's all about trust. And abuse makes us suspicious and cynical of those around us. Just try and make the good positive choices, I think. And protect real friends and cherish them. It's all so easy to say all this without doing it, but learn from the ones that didn't do the right things.

You only have one life. Some die before they are born. Some will die in infancy. Life is a lottery of circumstance. To get through it all and then to allow abuse to stop You from being a complete person is criminal. We are all victims, and should not hate who we are. I do try myself, and it's far from easy, as we all know. I can't say anymore.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear" are at the link below.

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Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear

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Mar 23, 2008

There is another way...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Steven, what you suffered through was terribly heinous and should never have happened. You deserved love and to be protected from harm. The adults in your life failed you miserably; there's no question about that. But to say that your past "damaged any chance I had of progressing as a human" is simply not true. You are identifying yourself as a victim of severe sexual and physical abuse; that's not who you are, Steven. That was your life situation.

Please consider another way, a way that will have you living in the Present, in the Now; not in the past as an identifier of who you are, or in the future for fulfillment. This may sound like gibberish to you right now; bear with me.

You say you've read a lot...when you're ready, I recommend another two books, both from Eckhart Tolle:

A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
The Power of NOW, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

I still strongly recommend counselling to help you unravel the emotional turmoil. You have trust issues, I understand that. But those trust issues are only with you when you identify your past as who you are. You are not your past. You are much more than the life situation that made up your past.

Please consider the two books, Steven. They really can set you free, but only when you are ready. And when you are ready, I hope you will post on my Awakening page on this site.

Thank you for sharing your story and for the message that a person cannot do it alone.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Mar 23, 2008
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Submitted by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

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Steven, what you suffered through was terribly heinous and should never have happened. You deserved love and to be protected from harm. The adults in your life failed you miserably; there's no question about that. But to say that your past "damaged any chance I had of progressing as a human" is simply not true. You are identifying yourself as a victim of severe sexual and physical abuse; that's not who you are, Steven. That was your life situation. Please consider another way, a way that will have you living in the Present, in the Now; not in the past as an identifier of who you are, or in the future for fulfillment. This may sound like gibberish to you right now; bear with me. You say you've read a lot...when you're ready, I recommend another two books, both from Eckhart Tolle:<ul><li>A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose <li>The Power of NOW, A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment</li></ul>I still strongly recommend counselling to help you unravel the emotional turmoil. You have trust issues, I understand that. But those trust issues are only with you when you identify your past as who you are. You are not your past. You are much more than the life situation that made up your past. Please consider the two books, Steven. They really can set you free, but only when you are ready. And when you are ready, I hope you will post on my <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/awakening.html">Awakening</a> page on this site. Thank you for sharing your story and for the message that a person cannot do it alone. Darlene Barriere Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/my-story-of-abuse.html">On My Own Terms, A Memoir</a>

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Mar 23, 2008

victims
by: barbara

I had to stop thinking of myself as a victim,and think positive that god had a purpose for me even though i may not always feel like it.and the same is true for you, your special to god and do not forget that!people who abuse people will get their payback whether it is here on earth or in hell!

Mar 24, 2008

Trust
by: Tina Lou

Your comments about being cynical about people is so true about me. Because I was never allowed to have friends over I have always had a hard time making friends. I know this sounds horrible but generally speaking I don't like many people. I always put up barriers to stop people getting close to me. Thank goodness my boyfriend of 17 years years with whom I live has helped me a lot, he is so normal and mentally healthy, yes he had a good childhood and a loving mother. He has helped me not be so angry all of the time he understands certain aspects of my personality are, as he puts it, products of my environment.When all of this came up again recently I was very angry for a couple of days but now at least I understand why I am like that and fight it. I understand I am damaged goods, but I am still too good to discard!

Mar 31, 2008

A like mind
by: Elaine Riley

Dear Rupert Bear,

What an articulate and insightful story...

I'm a qualified Social Worker, and also a survivor of childhood abuse myself. My abusers were my parents.

I read your story and was amazed at how well it articulated many of my own feelings about abuse. I'm now 37, and it frightens me to recognise how often my past experiences of abuse still affect me today.

Like you, I have found it hard to fit in, hard to trust. In the past, I have "gone off the rails" and indulged in many impulsive behaviours that now make me feel ashamed - eating disorders, bingeing, taking laxatives, excessive drinking, running away from home... the list goes on. I now recognise these as my inappropriate coping strategies, my "cry for help".

Please don't blame yourself for things that have happened. You may feel alone, but recognise you are not. Sometimes it's that desperate desire to tell someone what happened to us, but at the same time not knowing who to trust, that can be so isolating. Don't blame yourself entirely for destroying friendships. I've lost friends in the past too, many due to my behaviours (such as friends unable to cope with my eating disorders).

Friendships are all about two individuals "testing the water" in terms of getting to know each other. Friendships endure when those people trust and care about each other, have mutual goals and interests, and are often at similar stages in their lives. Some friendships last, some don't. No single person can usually be held responsible for this.

You have a lot of self-recrimination. So do I. Sometimes, the easiest option is to blame oneself. Sometimes this is the only readily available answer to so many uncomfortable questions. But it is NOT the only, or the right answer.

You also have a lot of insight. You recognise that you have "issues" (for want of a better word); you recognise you lack emotional control, and trust; you recognise that you find positive decision making difficult. This could be a starting point for something better.

You do need to talk to someone; maybe a Counsellor, if you can face this. You have the power to choose, and to choose a Counsellor appropriate to your needs, if you wish. You have already identified the possible areas of your life you wish to work on, and had the courage to tell your story on this website. Surely this strength of character can prevail in the long term?

This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out Elaine's Room.

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Mar 31, 2008
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Submitted by: Elaine Riley

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Dear Rupert Bear, What an articulate and insightful story... I'm a qualified Social Worker, and also a survivor of childhood abuse myself. My abusers were my parents. I read your story and was amazed at how well it articulated many of my own feelings about abuse. I'm now 37, and it frightens me to recognise how often my past experiences of abuse still affect me today. Like you, I have found it hard to fit in, hard to trust. In the past, I have "gone off the rails" and indulged in many impulsive behaviours that now make me feel ashamed - eating disorders, bingeing, taking laxatives, excessive drinking, running away from home... the list goes on. I now recognise these as my inappropriate coping strategies, my "cry for help". Please don't blame yourself for things that have happened. You may feel alone, but recognise you are not. Sometimes it's that desperate desire to tell someone what happened to us, but at the same time not knowing who to trust, that can be so isolating. Don't blame yourself entirely for destroying friendships. I've lost friends in the past too, many due to my behaviours (such as friends unable to cope with my eating disorders). Friendships are all about two individuals "testing the water" in terms of getting to know each other. Friendships endure when those people trust and care about each other, have mutual goals and interests, and are often at similar stages in their lives. Some friendships last, some don't. No single person can usually be held responsible for this. You have a lot of self-recrimination. So do I. Sometimes, the easiest option is to blame oneself. Sometimes this is the only readily available answer to so many uncomfortable questions. But it is NOT the only, or the right answer. You also have a lot of insight. You recognise that you have "issues" (for want of a better word); you recognise you lack emotional control, and trust; you recognise that you find positive decision making difficult. This could be a starting point for something better. You do need to talk to someone; maybe a Counsellor, if you can face this. You have the power to choose, and to choose a Counsellor appropriate to your needs, if you wish. You have already identified the possible areas of your life you wish to work on, and had the courage to tell your story on this website. Surely this strength of character can prevail in the long term? This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out <a href="http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/elaines-room.html">Elaine's Room</a>.

Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear

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Child Abuse Story From Rupert Bear