Child Abuse Story From Ros

by Ros
(New South Wales, Australia)

Victim of Abuse: 
Born one of two set of twins, my brothers are 15 months older then us. It all started at a very young age. I was the smallest out of the twins, and seemed to be hit and abused more often than my twin sister.

Just to begin with, I'm now 43, and still live with pain, but every day I'm healing. My mother was a very abusive woman. She would belt, hit, kick; whatever she felt like doing at that time. I was slow at school. My twin was the bright one. I was hit around the head. A lot of the times I was hit on the back and hip. I never really understood this. At a young age, I just thought she hated me. I don't remember being hugged, but I remember seeing her give love to my twin and my twin brothers. As a result of this abuse, I am now deaf, have a hip replacement and suffer from a very painful back every day of my life.

As I was growing up, I had to watch my father be abused, as well. She was wicked. My dad got hot water poured over him at dinners. Whatever she could put her hands on; he would get it, as well. A lot of it was he would try to stand up for me. My mother would hit my father over standing up for me. He left when I was 9, so I was alone with this abusive mother. She yelled all the time. She told me I was worth nothing. In her eyes I was always a liar, and still today she thinks I'm a liar.

At the age of 16, I was put into a girl's home. The reason was that I had many welt marks on me and I ran away. I thought she was going to kill me on this day, so I ran to the police. No good they were. They took me back home, just for her to tell them I was uncontrollable. So in a girl's home I went, alone. I never knew what it was. I was scared, very scared.

Months passed. I got used to living away from her. I was ok in the girl's home, until one day I was raped. When I say raped, I mean bleach bottle sticks and other things. Then I was put in a huge dryer and left there until someone found me. I was black and blue. Because I was a minor, my mother had to stand up in court for me and help me with the charge of rape. It came my turn to stand in court, just to watch my mother tell the judge I had lied about the rape. And yes, I did 18 months again in the girl's home on top for being raped. I was a very scared, fearful, young 16-year-old.

When I got out of the girls home, I was a young girl who was very angry with the world. I hit the street, got into drugs and all sorts of things. It was a form of survival for me. I was in and out of youth homes, until one day, I fell pregnant. I was a drug addict with a baby, so I sat one day and said to myself, "Ros, your drugs or the baby." Of course I choose my baby, who is now 21. I have been clean of all drugs for nearly 22 years. I'm proud of what I have done to help myself.

I'm trying to heal the scars of my mother's abuse. I've seen a lawyer about this. What I was told was: How do you prove abuse behind close doors? This upset me, as my mother still walks free with knowing she took my hearing from me, my hips and my back. She has shortened my life, which is so unfair for the loveable kids I have today.

I'm not an abuser. I don't hurt my kids. They know of my life. We don't speak to any part of my family, not one of them. They have always called me a liar, and still today I'm a liar to them.

I have taken to reaching out to the angels. I truly believe there was an angel looking over me in all these years. I should have been dead many years ago. Yes, I still live in pain.

Every day I read the stories here on Darlene's site, stories of other abuse survivors, and it heals me as well. I have walked from all my family, as they abuse in small ways now: more yelling and emotional abuse, which I choose not to be around or have my kids around it.

My main struggle is being deaf and not being able to hear the love of my kids singing voices or my grandkids, but I'm a signer and try to teach them as much as I can. The sad thing is, one of my daughter's has followed the pattern and lives with a man that emotionally abuses her. I had to step away, as she is blinded by love and cannot see it for herself. One day I know she will be back home, and my arms and love will be there for her and her girls.

I say to all that are young and my age, if you are living in abuse or someone is abusing you, report it. Don't leave it so long, like I did. The pain is way too hard to heal.

But slowly I'm getting stronger and wiser. I have the power to say no to anyone that abuses me in any way. I know this now, and it feels good to be able to do this. I am now seeing a counsellor, and that's the best thing I have ever done. It's never too late. There was an angel looking over me, because now I'm set free.

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