Child Abuse Story From Ronica D

by Ronica D
(USA)

A lesson to be learned: 
It felt like nothing mattered. My mom was outside and my dad was drinking. Some days he did not but some days he did. And when he did, it was hell. So, he walks up to my mom and says you "B*tch, why all the time you go around and sleep with these guys? I f***ing hate you. Every day it's the same thing all the time. Why?" Well, my mom said, embarassed, "what are you talking about?" Her friends walked away and said "I'll be back later."
Then I walked out the front door and saw my mom being hit around by my dad. "F*** you" he said, "you a***ole." I said, "Daddy stop," and he told me to "shut up." All I wanted to know is why he did that to my mom.
Sometimes I wondered why he did that and sobbed and cried.

The next night he went out with his friends and drank some mroe. He got a lot of beer and drank. Then I followed him. "Why do you do that?" I asked. "Does that do anything for you?" He beat my mom again in the room and he said "shut up!" and hit her some more. He did not care at all.

The next day, my ex-boyfriend wanted to have sex with me so he made a decision that I wasn't ready for. I didn't know how to say "no." So then he started to pass me to his friends and they said that they loved me and that they cared about me. I responded, "Bulls**t." But I slept with them. I felt like I made the wrong decision and it hurt me. It changed me. I felt like my self-esteem started to go down. It got me really upset and took my anger out on everyone else.

I started to run away more and not be myself. I thought I was grown but I really didn't know what was coming for me or what the next life decision was. I met another boy and he cared and he tried to get my mother away from me. And it hurt my relationship with my mom. I felt like crap.

I moved to Providence in a new environment, feeling homesick and scared and enraged. I felt like a teenager. I didn't really know what was going on but all I could see was people having struggles and getting hurt and then it all started with me getting into restraints, hitting staff, beating up one person, but really it didn't have anything to do with them. I had to find smoething inside of me that would help me. That I cared about. They took my mom away from me for a year and six months. I went crazy. I couldn't think; I was lost. I felt trapped, emprisioned. That whole year, I was going out with guys in programs, not making good decisions. Then, I started to not harm others or myself. I stayed safe. I turned it around by getting off-grounds privilages with staff and my mom, and other family. I started to feel good about myself.

My brother always used to sell drugs and give it to my mom. So one day, the cops broke into my house and had guns to all of our heads. I was sobbing and crying and screaming for help. And they told me to "shut up!" And I was lost and I wanted my mom but she was too busy using drugs. It hurt my feelings that she did that.

It took me a while to say this, but if I can start over, so can all you teenagers. I've been in six programs and I'm trying to leave my sixth one for good and stay with my mom and family. I want to start my new life over. God bless you. :-)

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