Child Abuse Story From Rockhound

by Rockhound
(USA)

I am fifteen years old. I don’t remember exactly when this started, but I know I have been in an abusive situation for around five years.

To begin, I think it is important to know that my parents are divorced, a not so friendly divorce to put it nicely. They divorced when I was less than one year old. For years they went to court, both trying to get custody of me. After about ten years my parents finally stopped arguing. They settled on the agreement of joint custody with my mom having primary.

When I was three, my mom got remarried. He was an alcoholic and verbally abused me and my brother.
He and I didn’t really get along. After about seven years with him, my mom filed a divorce with him. I don’t know why they split up but I know my mom blames me for it. I’m often reminded of how I ruined that marriage.

After my step dad was out of the picture, then the abuse started. It started out small. Verbally I was ripped apart. Nothing I did was good enough. She said I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life. She called me names and pointed out my every flaw.

As the years went by I learned to except it. I started believing what my mom was saying. By the age of twelve I had started cutting and thought about suicide. It was the only thing I could control in my life.

Mom got married yet again! And the abuse only got worse. If I didn’t want to hear what my mom had to trash about me I would just walk away. But she wasn’t going to have that “disrespect.” To make sure I was listening she would hold me down. She would either pin my arms back or hold my neck. And for added measure she would slap my face and punch me in the stomach.

One incident in particular was when I was arguing with my sister about something little. My mom heard me yelling and grabbed me by the throat. She held me against the wall and held me there for what seemed like forever. She let me go but I passed out. I don’t know if it happened from fear or lack of oxygen. But I woke up and my mom was gone. I went to school as if nothing had happened. She never apologized or talked about that ever again. With the help of make-up on my neck, no one noticed the bruises.

These beatings weren’t daily by any means, but they happened a few times a month. One night I was talking to my church youth leader on facebook. We talked for a bit and eventually she asked about a bruise on my arm. I had no explanation for it, but I managed to come up with a quick excuse. She didn’t buy it and that night I told her everything. She said she was crying and we talked for about two hours. Once I had about told her everything she said she had to get offline.

An hour or so later I got back on and my church leader told me she had contacted CPS. In that moment I was so scared, confused, betrayed, angry, ect. I didn’t want to be taken out of my house and away from my siblings. My church leader did her best to comfort me and said CPS might be around in the next week or so.

The following Monday I was called down to the counseling office. My counselor explained that CPS had contacted the school. She started asking me all kinds of questions. She asked if my mom had ever hit me and I denied everything. I told her I lied to my church leader. So the counselor eventually let me go back to class.

After school I called my church leader and told her what had happened. I told her I was sorry for lying to the counselors, but that I had to. I explained to her that I didn’t want my mom to find out I told someone. She understood and said if I ever needed to talk that she was there for me.

I went home and things were normal, or at least normal for me. There was only two months left of
school and I would be able to be with my dad all summer. (ninth grade, age 15 at the time) I was still being hit and treated like dirt but at least she didn’t know about the report.

I read other stories on the site and I don’t think it is common to still be physically abused at the age of fifteen. My only explanation to anyone who asks is that I get panic attacks. I get scared every time I’m yelled at and I freeze. I don’t know what to do, so I just take it. Every night I say that next time I will stick
up for myself but I never can.

One night my mom and new stepdad were arguing. My mom was yelling about divorce and I couldn’t
take it. I got so angry. I told her she ruins every relationship she has and this is all her fault. I ran downstairs but she followed me down. She hit me in the face and said I had no right to say that stuff. She pushed me to the ground and told me to get my phone and call my dad. The phone was upstairs so she grabbed my hair and pulled me by it the whole way up. I frantically dialed my dad and told him to come pick me up at the normal meeting location assigned by the court. He said fine and hung up. Upstairs my mom continued to push and hit me. We got in the car and she drove me to my dad’s. The whole ride (hour long) was spent with her yelling at me and saying I was a worthless person. I stayed strong the whole way and never cried. It makes me feel so weak to cry.

When we finally got there she let me out of the car and drove off. My dad had to work the next day and I had school so he brought me to my aunt’s that night, who lives by my mom.

I stayed there for a month. I went two weeks without my mom knowing where I was. When she found out where I was she started threatening my aunt. But it didn’t last long. School ended and I went to my dad’s. Dad filed another CPS report. This time they came to the house. I told the truth and explain what really happened. But by then my bruises had faded and with lack of evidence, CPS couldn’t do anything to help.

My dad tried his best to keep me out of my mom’s house. But he became very frustrated and said I was lying about the abuse. He didn’t have much money to fight this in court. Everyday he told me I was financially killing him and I was never going back to my school again.

For me that was a scary idea. I love my school and my friends. They are everything to me. I wouldn’t have lasted this long without them. One night my dad and I had an argument and he said I should just go back to my mom’s. That night I left and I haven’t seen my dad since. He says he doesn’t want to be a part of my life.

So now I am living with my mom full time. She has already yelled at me several times and has grabbed my arm once. It isn’t that bad but I’m afraid it’s going to get worse again. I don’t know who to turn to. I can’t communicate with friends because my mom is monitoring everything I do. I don’t want to leave my home but I want this abuse to stop before it gets bad.

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