Home
Sitemap
My Blog
Child Abuse Stories
My Story
Child Abuse News
Write a Commentary
The Lighter Side
Awakening
OpenSpace
Statistics
C/A History
Emotional Abuse
      Types of E.A.
      Signs of E.A.
       Effects of E.A.
         - Bullying
      Stats for E.A.
Physical Abuse
     Signs of P.A.
      Abuse/Dis'pln
      Effects of P.A.
     Stats for P.A.
Child Neglect
     Signs of C.N.
      Effects of C.N.
     Stats for C.N.
      Poverty & C.N.
Sexual Abuse
      Definition S.A.
     Signs of S.A.
      Effects of S.A.
     Stats of S.A.
Sexual Abuse Victims
   Male Victims
     Female Victims
     V w/ Disability
  Disclosures
Sex Offenders
  Male S.O.
    Female S.O.
  Child S.O.
   Youth S.O.
   Incest S.O.
     Internet S.O.
Child Abuse Law
      Age-Majority
     Duty-Report
Intervention
Prevention
Stories of Healing
Exch w/ an Abuser
Visitor Comments
Letters from Readers
Link to this Site
Resources
FREE E-zine
Ask Darlene
Dating Violence
Privacy Policy
Site Search
[?] Subscribe To This Site

XML RSS
Add to Google
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to My MSN
Subscribe with Bloglines

Child Abuse Story From Richelle B

by Richelle B
(Hamilton, New Zealand)




By the time I was 23 I had had 3 kids to 3 dads, was a druggy, a drunk, and CYFS (Children & Youth Family Services) had taken my kids. I'd spent years in and out of foster homes, girls homes, and even spent 3 years in the nut house; all of this because I couldn't deal with the abuse I'd been through.

So here I was, 23 and alone. I'd had it. Die. I decided, why not. It's all that was left.

Then I met him my hero. Wow. What a man. Tall, good looking, hard working, ex air force. Wow. He was going to save me. He would make all my dreams come true. Stu was his name. He got my kids back. He taught me to read and write, drive a car, buy a home. When we got married, he told me he would keep me safe, that nobody could ever hurt me again. I believed him. Why wouldn't I? Here was this man, a good man, who was real and who made my dreams come true, a man who loved me.

I was 33 years old and a mother to 5 children when he died. He took his own life. I was talking to him on the phone when he did it. He had raped my 11-year-old daughter and confessed to me on the phone. My hero, the man who saved my life, the man who showed me so much goodness was a liar and a rapist, a man who broke my heart and left me with a mess that I have no idea how to clean up.

Sometimes I just don't get it. I'm so tied of all the heartbreak. For 2 years he had been raping my baby. How did I not know my poor baby girl was being raped by him? How do you say sorry?

Our children are a gift. I used to think I understood my own abuse, now I understand very little. It's been a year now. Things are getting better, but I wonder what the future holds for my children and myself.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Richelle B" are at the link below.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.




Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Richelle B

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 11, 2008
Deception...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Richelle, you must learn from the past if you have any hope of ensuring that what happened to your daughter at the hands of Stu, the man you thought so highly of, never again happens to any one of your children.

Men like Stu look for and prey on vulnerable women with children; that's how they find their victims. They come across as wonderful, even heroic, they sweep the woman right off her feet, leaving her to believe that he can do no wrong. Leaving her to trust him implicitly. Leaving her to ignore possible signs. Leaving her to brush aside anything that might have even the appearance of impropriety.

The fact that Stu was so good looking and that he was an air force man didn't make him any less likely to molest than anyone else. Sex offenders come from all walks of life, from all economic backgrounds, from all ethnicities, all religious sects, from any age group, from any sexual orientation, from males, females and from any genetic make-up. Richelle, I refer you to my sex offenders page on this site. There you will find two tables that identify who offenders are and what they say and do that make their young victims keep the secret.

Your own tumultuous past, the countless homes, and the suffering you endured left you looking for a rescuer and unable to see through Stu's deception. But in order to help your daughter, indeed all of your children, you must start living in the present. You must be there for your children in the here and now, as their mother, not as a past victim of child abuse.

I hope you and your daughter are in some form of therapy. Your daughter, so that she can deal with the trauma of having been sexually assaulted by a man she called her father, and with her feelings of betrayal and abandonment. You, in order to learn more about boundaries and what it is in you that needs someone in your life as a savior. Your children deserve and need a mother who can protect them and who can stand on her own two feet.

I sincerely wish you and your children all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 12, 2008
Run--don't walk--to get help today!
by: Linda Settles

Dear Richelle,

My heart is broken for you and for your children, especially your eleven year old daughter. What a horrible way to pass the threshold from childhood to adloscent. Puberty is a difficult time at best. With the baggage piled on your little girl, it is impossible to navigate without help--a lot of it. Get your daughter into counseling. Now. Today. Don't wait. A mother's love is not rooted in feelings but in action. Do it. Now. it is the most effective way to say I am sorry and the only way to keep your daughter from hating you when life matures into the horror that it most certainly will if she falters through the transition from child to young woman without a guiding hand and a compassionate heart to see her through it. As much as you love her, you will not be able to provide the guidance, comfort, and reassurance that she so desperately needs, because a part of her healing will be in processing the pain caused by your denial of the symptoms of her agony.
The abuse you experienced set you up to deny your child's trauma. It paved the way for you to need a rescue more than you needed to be there for your children. It even colored the lenses of your world view so that you misinterpreted the predators lust as affection, and his attention as positive. If you are determined, as I believe you are, that this will not happen again--to any of your children--get help for yourself. Today! Now. Run, don't walk, to whatever social agency is available to pay for counseling and set up an appointment for yourself as well as your daughter. Get involved in a recovery program. That won't cost you a penny--just your time. Precious time-well spent time. Celebrate Recovery has groups that meet almost everywhere.
You can find their locations on line. If you don't have a computer, go to Fed Ex or Kinkos (or a similar place) and use their computers. The Fed ex near my home charges .20 per minute and will show you how to get online. There is no excuse for delay. The future of your children and your own life depend on it. Get help today--and God be with you as you pursue help. God promises us a future and a hope if we turn to Him in our time our trouble. Help is available. The rest is up to you.

This commenter has a "room" on OpenSpace on this website. To read her various entries, check out Linda's Room.

Click here to add your own comments