Child Abuse Story From Rachel
by Rachel
It all started when I was 5; well as long as I can remember. I went to my Aunts house and my younger sister, 4 at the time. We went in the backyard with my much older cousin he was 16, Well it was night time and raped, well I don't know if it was construed as raped since we did not understand what was going on. My sister had an eerie laugh watching me; the same went for me when it was my sister's turn. Thank god she does not remember this. My father, molested me several times, this started when I hit womanhood. Example is he would tell me to shut the slide door, when he could of shut it himself, but he knew that I was just getting out of the shower. I came in with my towel on, as I shut the doors he said "you don't have to have clothes on, I am your father" Another example is coming in my room at night to take pictures of my bum when I was sleeping. I told my mother and she told me "He is our dad and he puts food on the table" My Father physically abused me as well, though I can't remember when this started, I was really young. He used my drums sticks to hit me. When using a belt he did not use it correctly but hitting me with the buckle, sometimes with a hanger, his hand, whatever I guess. I remember when I was in high school and he grabbed the belt and hit my legs I just laughed because it actually did not hurt anymore, So he hit harder. It was odd because I got used to the pain. In a sense it made me feel better that I could not feel it anymore. When I was 14 my parents split, so my mother cared for me, well my friend,and me went to the bowling alley, then we went to her house with her dad, well I thought that was her dad only to find out that my 13 year old friend had a 33 year old boyfriend. We went into their room and there was filth everywhere, adult toys, magazines, to this day I can not listen to Metallica thats what was playing on their radio, long story short he raped me. The next day I started to itch really bad I found out that I had crabs. when I went home I set my clothes on fire and took a shower. A week later my friend called the police and told them everything out of guilt, then they came to my house. I lost it, I told my story they picked up the man and was arrested. He was in prison for 13 years, in March 2011 I was watching the news they said his name, I felt so sick after seeing his picture he was at it again but the girl he took left before he could do anything, thank god! I was very sexually active, my choice of men have been musicians but they also did drugs, I thank god that I got out of that. I picked men that resembled my father, I guess. When I was little Nightmare on Elm street was popular so I had fantasies that I was Freddy so I can go into my enemies dream to kill them. I thank Jesus every day that I am not a killer because I remember yelling at my favorite doll while punching the head, pulling the hair and hitting it against the wall, putting her hands in the fan, at the same time pretending that my doll is screaming, also I did the same thing to my friends dolls I would take the head off and throw it, to only make them cry. I also had fantasies of killing others in my twenties so at that time I was in the hospital quite a bit, I never had any friends, because I like to say that I was "socially retarded". So being abandoned and abused by my family and friends, I was cutter that emotional pain went away when I did this. But now I have friends and I choose them wisely. Being around negative people and having negative thoughts can over time change the chemicals in the brain, resulting in a mental illness. I am attending college for Psychology I have beautiful twins and a beautiful husband. It was a struggle but I am doing okay, because I feel that God has helped me. I am bipolar. I am still eating my emotions though I am once again gaining weight and loosing sleep, because I have so much anger still. I just have to get back on track again. People can have normal lives it just takes time to heal.  Note from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.I hope you'll follow me on:  Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
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