Child Abuse Story From Rachel

by By Rachel
(California, USA)

Abuse I lived with...
As a kid, I was molested off and on from the ages of 9 to 15. The first time was my mom's first boyfriend right after my dad moved out from their divorce. I remember that I was very guarded as a child and I didn't really know what was wrong and right. My mom would be at work and he would watch me usually on weekends for my mom. He would make me pancakes, because I guess it gave him the excuse to wash me from the sticky syrup.

He took me in the shower and washed me everywhere. (I use to be so confused because I just showered that morning and it was only my hands and mouth that were sticky.) Then he would have me wash him everywhere, and I did...

He was with my mom for about half a year I think, and it wasn't until a couple weeks before he left that he ever did anything outside the shower. Only once did he ever come into my room while I was sleeping and touch me. He picked me up and started to rub himself, then penetrated me with his fingers. Then he told me to pull on him. I didn't like how it all felt, but I didn't know what it all meant.

Then when he was telling my mom he was leaving forever, I remember him saying that I hated him, which wasn't true. I loved him like I would a dad because I thought he loved me enough to stay. Then he told her that he hated me too. (And it wasn't until he said that, that somewhere inside of me a bomb was set off.)

As I said, I was molested off and on. It wasn't until December 12, 2007, that I was brutally beaten and raped...

This man was her current boyfriend, and he raped me once more during February. This second time though, I wasn't as shocked and had a lot more anger in me. Yet, it wasn't enough. He easily overpowered me, beat me, tied me up, and did it.

I went to counseling for self injury for a year. (I had been hurting myself since I was 12.) I still have barely spoken a few words about it out loud, and I am hurting so bad by typing this. I will never let anyone do this to me again.

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