Child Abuse Story From Rachel M

by Rachel M
(Northland, New Zealand)

I didn't know what I was doing wasn't right, God help anyone that hurts my child. She is 3 years old. I have already told her what parts of her body can only be touched by herself or me.

I have never had therapy but every day I remember what happened when I was eight years old, and I still don't know what to name it.

Mum and Dad use to go out occasionally at night and our neighbour, an 18-year-old male would baby sit us, my brother and sister are younger. I can't remember the first time it started, but he used to get me to play with his penis. It would get hard then he would ejaculate. I remember asking him what that was coming out, and he said juice. This went on for some time.

I use to play with his younger sister, and even at his house it still happened. One time he was cleaning his car and got me to do it in there. He gave me money and told me if I told my parents he would kill my cat. Of course I believed him. The last time it happened was when he asked me if he could touch my vagina. Something inside me made my heart beat like a warning and I said "no", thank God.

It finally came out when me and two other friends were talking. I was about 11 then and I told them. Luckily, one of them knew that was wrong and told her mum who told my mum. That was not the end of it.

The guy's mother came to our house and interrogated me, writing notes in a little notebook. I still don't know why she did that. Then his sister started to pick on me at school. That was very hurtful.

I am 36 now and haven't seen him but I know he has children, and sometimes I wonder if he is hurting them and if I should voice what he did to me, or if I do I could ruin a family. I was asked by my parents at the time if I wanted to do something legal about it, but dealing with it at the time was enough to think about. I think Mum and Dad should have pressed charges for me.

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