Child Abuse Story From Peyton

by Peyton
(Europe)

Master Manipulator Ninja Style: 
Now I am in my late thirties and it still affects my life, but it is so much better now. Here is in very short to the point summaries of what I wrote. My first writing was over 3000 words so I had to cut it down a lot!

My brother and I were emotionally, physically and sexually abused by our parents.
Emotional abuse
• Constant criticism
• Showing emotions (anger, sadness, and happiness) was punishable.
• Never giving praise
• Unrealistic expectations for children
• Often told we were not like normal children, we were spoiled, selfish, complainers
• Made to feel guilty for having things that our parents provided for us financially and for other things that are normal for parents to do
• Being compared to other children. We were always the bad ones who didn’t deserve our abundance
• Mom would give away our toys and clothes and other personal effects when she knew we liked them and didn’t want to give them away. It seemed that’s all she gave away is what we loved, and would try to make us feel bad that our things were gone because it was true the other children in the neighborhood had less than us, but it made giving a sad thing.
• Being denied love and attention
• Sickness ignored, or told to "toughen up"
• Always saying, “What is wrong with you?”
• Called names, “Stupid", "Worthless", "Pathetic", "Selfish", etc.
• Other children were given love and attention in front of us kids, but we were pushed away. Our cousins or friends would come to visit and my father would invite them on his lap, but he would push me away and say I was always wanting his attention, but I never got it.
• Shamed and ridiculed in front of others
• Telling people (family and friends, teachers, strangers) embarrassing things about our personal life (He or she wet the bed, etc.)
• Obsession with what we eat and drink and how clean we are and our rooms and everything we touched.
• Telling us that we should not annoy other people with our presence, they couldn’t stand us so why would anyone else want to be around us. We were always reminded about being such a burden to them.
• Mom often said, “If only I knew this is what having kids was going to be like, I would have thought twice about it.”
• She also said, “I give up everything for you kids and I get nothing in return.”
• We were not allowed to touch anything in the house that was not ours, touching the furniture that was anywhere but our rooms or the basement was forbidden. We were always told we would break everything.

What made this emotional abuse so difficult to understand and label was it was not consistent. Often when they were in a good mood they would do kind things for us, but then we would pay for it in a guilt trip later. My parents were the pretty good actors.

Now that I am older I thought that my mother’s approval was not so important to me. My mom and I live on different continents. Since we only can spend a few weeks in a year together I looked forward to seeing her this past summer. But not long after she came she began to criticize nearly my every move. Now I am old enough to stand up for myself, but it was quite a wakeup call for me. I was familiar with her crazy behavior; it was my day to day life while growing up. Not only did she disgust me by wasting our vacation time together, but that she dared to treat my brother and I like this when we were so young, not old enough to know that she was in the wrong, not us.

‘Tough love’ was an excuse for her own emotional sickness. In some ways experiencing her act psycho like that helped me to believe myself that I was abused, that the past was as bad as I remember. Those two weeks with her were hell. I could not get her to shut up. But when I was a child I had no chance, I just shut down. It has taken me years of hard work to try to heal myself. It’s only been since her visit that I know it wasn’t my fault. She is sick, not me. I have recently come to a conclusion that my mother is jealous of me. She has a very hard time acknowledging anything that I do well.

The way my parents sexually abused us was by making out in front of us. Not just French kissing, but groaning and grabbing each other when we were not able to leave the situation. My father would walk around the house completely naked, especially after they had sex. How did we know they were, because of the noise, the door not being closed, or them screaming, especially my mother. My father would tell her to quiet down, but she would just do it louder. It was sick. I would put on my headphones to ignore it, or go further away from them in the house, but often even in the basement, we could hear her. She still does it now when I stay overnight. I don’t visit often and it’s only once every few years. She will do it on the floor right outside the spare room and bang on the wall. I think having me or others hear her is her fetish. GROSS!

My mom is a master manipulator and I will not fall for her tricks anymore, even if it means that sometimes I am over cautious. She seems to ninja style hurt me and I am too smart for it now. FINALLY.

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