Child Abuse Story From No Shame

by No - Shame
(Location Undisclosed)

Light at the End of the tunnel: 
Growing up wasnt easy at all in my house. My parents were so different. My mother is my angel and my rock, my father the complete oposite. My dad is an alcoholic. He started abusing drink from a young age. When he met my mum he had already had one violent previous relationship which resulted in his ex partner going into police protection. My mum knew he had a past but she saw something in him.

She fell pregnant with my brother and got married. He had already hit her when she was pregnant yet she still married him. Along I came and then my 2 other brothers. Times were hard. We lost our home, dad jumped from job to job while mam had to work sometimes 6am to 6pm. Dad was very strict with us. He wouldnt let us be normal children. I remember getting slapped with a wooden spoon across my back because I couldnt figure out a math equation in my homework. Things spirralled out of control. Watching my mam getting beaten and emotionally abused. We got treated the same. Sweeping bruses gettin broken over my brothers back. I got my head slammed into a wooden table. This continued untill I was 13.

Mam finally had the strenght to kick my dad out. It took her 15 years to get rid of him. The bruises and cuts had all faded but the emotional stress of it all remained with me. I blocked out 2years of my life. Gone. I vaguely remember 9/10. According to my mam this was the worst few years in our home. I went out with a guy who was lovely but started abusing drugs. I broke off the relationship to ensure that I would never fall into the same trap my mother did. Then I met "the guy of my dreams". Things started out well. Until one night during an argument he pushed me and I fell and banged my head off the floor. I got up dazed to feel a hand around my neck choking me. I managed to free my self and run out of his house. But I went back. Why? Because I thought I loved him. He mentally broke me, called me a sl*t told me I would never become anything. It wasn’t until I went to college and befriended a guy we’ll call Joe. Joe was funny and we had so much in common. Yet he came from a beautiful family, a loving one.

When my boyfriend at the time punched me at a party I had had enough. I went home and sobbed. I felt so low. I couldn’t stop crying. It took all my strength to drag my self into work. My two best friends saw the bruise on the side of my head. My friends both begged me not to go back to him. I didn’t. I eventually fell in love with Joe. He is my rock. We are together nearly 6 years now.

I always swore I would NEVER go down the same road as my mother. Yet I did. Why? I guess after so much physical and emotional abuse I didnt know any better.

Things with dad are still bad. He has liver problems now and refuses to acknowledge what he did to us was wrong. I understand it more now that I am older. He is a sick man but I cant excuse what he did to me and my family. What I am thankful for is that going through what I did as a child has made me the person I am today. My mother is now in her early 60's and she is amazing. She encouraged me to get back in touch with dad after 5years. Along with the help of Joe I did. It has not been easy as he is still drinking and he has tried to take his own life. Yet I have been there for him. I guess I am no longer afraid. I still feel so low sometimes wondering why I will never have my dad around, why my children will never have their grand-dad but it could be worse I guess. I still have trouble remembering the ages of 9/10. It worries me that I have blocked these memories out. I still struggle to trust people and suffer from panic attacks. But the light at the end of the tunnel is my mother, my partner and my siblings. We all have each other. None of us blame anyone for what we went through. No body knows but us what we went through. I could spend an entire week revisting all the times my father battered us but I cant dwell on it.

I love my family dearly and I thank my mother each day for being such a good mother. She raised us all amazingly and we have all been successful in life and will continue to do so. I guess my message is that dont ever feel that you are to blame. Address the issue head on. Being in contact with dad has helped me. I know everyone is different but instead of burying my head in the sand I searched deep with in myself and realised that I needed to do this for me.

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