Child Abuse Story From Nikki4
by Nikki
(Michigan, USA)
Really confused:
Ok, so this may sound weird but I'm kind of confused about my childhood. One incident that I remember hazily happened with my older cousin who is about six years older than me. And when I was about five or six I remember something really weird that happened. Him and I were in the house alone 'cause everyone was outside. I think my dad and my uncle were building or fixing something, but anyway, he told me to come with him to my mom's bedroom. So when we got in there he told me he was going to teach me how to kiss like big girls do. He got me to stand in the closet with him and I really didn't move. I let him hold both sides of my head and lift me toward him so he could give me what, I didn't know at the time, was a French kiss. It seemed like it lasted a really long time. And after that my memory goes black.
I've always had a funny feeling that something more happened than I remember. I'm not trying to make more out of something than what it actually is but I'm just really messed up. I can't help but feel like it wouldn't have affected me as much as it has unless there was something more to it.
Now I'm constantly getting into sexually abusive relationships. I've since been nearly raped, and have nightmares about being hurt over and over again. I know I was sexual at a young age and felt sexual stimulation a lot sooner than I should have, like around six or seven, and I don't understand it. Like I said, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, no one else did. My mom said it was just innocent play, and maybe that is what it was but I don't really know. Thanks for reading and God bless all the survivors and victims.
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