Child Abuse Story From Nicole T
by Nicole T.
(Singapore)
I feel like I am not supposed to be on this world. When I was born, it's like a disaster to me, I was babysat by a babysitter till age 3. I can't remember what happened before age 5 but was being told both parents hated me due to bad in dad's business or maybe they wanted a son instead of a daughter.
1. I remember when I was around age 5 I have to go to kindergarten, but I am a stubborn kid. My mum asked me not to sit on the floor coz it would dirty my pants, but I dirtied it again & again and she was so angry that she kicked me in my tummy...for 10 times each time I dirtied it.
2. My mum doesn't allow us to eat too much sweet so she kept it in a cupboard. But I will steal the sweets to eat and try to hide from her uncountable times, which she will firstly warn me, then scold me, then slap, then she will use needle to poke my tongue numerous times that it will bleed till it is full of scars. then she would cane me, then eat the chili padi raw about 10, then slowly increase to 20 then to 50(the spiciest chili in Malaysia), and even chopped them and rubbed them on my eyes, them later she got so angry that she stuff it into my eyes that I would cry & cry but what can I do! Then ever cane my fingers till all are swollen.
3. I remember I was also being stuffed the unchewable vegetables or food in my mouth into my throat with spoon or her 2 fingers!! Coz I always eat very slow, she would drag me to the toilet and do that for a number of times that I remember my 2 front tooth drop!
4. I also remember I always urine on the bed so she would whack me, but the worst is she force me to drink her urine! And this happens also many times!
5. When we moved house, I also did many mischief but I can't remember what is it, but I remember the punishment that is, soaking my head in to a pail of water few times, electrocute me with the plug, use the rolling pin to hit my head till it bleed and I have at least 3 2inch scars on my head, and she wouldn't bring see doctor.
6. Then I cook a plan out by stealing dad's money and manage to hide and save till about $500 and I ran away from home at the age of 10.I bought many things. But at the end, I didn't know where to sleep in the night I return outside my house but didn't intend to go in but was caught by neighbour. So I was in the House of hell! I was scolded, slapped, caned, locked in the toilet with chain for a week, no lunch for a week.
7. Then I started to lose vision on my left eye, but I am not sure due to what coz I didn't dare to tell anyone about this. At age 12 only my mum finds out and bring me see doctor but it's too late! I am totally blind!
8. So I was taken care by my uncle due to too much whacking for 2 years. But I know I am still as stubborn as usual. My mum would visit 3-5 times a year only.
9.Then I was later taken care by my grandmother. Still as stubborn as ever, I even got caught stealing in shopping centre for stealing on the 5th time me & 2 more of my friends.
10. Then at age 15, my dad had cancer, he passed away 2 months later, so I was to go back to stay with my MUM! I am really scared of her as she is a Monster to me. Whenever I hear her name I would tremble and sweat (with some kind of terrible smell) I don't know why. I know if I move back, my life is dead!
11. Life comes from bad to worse. I had to go school as usual but life at home is terrible! My mum turns to be a full time Christian full time praying. So we all have to do the same.
12. I remember I wasn't being treated like her daughter! because she don't call my name! She would call me stupid, idiot, demon, devil's child, just nameless! Another think why I was being called like that is due to my studies is always not as good as my sister's (who is elder than me 1 year & my mum love her a lot)! so she would keep comparing both of us. My sister also didn't like me at all. So me & her relationship isn't that close. I do Not have the right to chat or talk at home, neither can I have friends or go out party or drink coffee with friends. So I have to always go home to study & do housework. But I was jealous coz my sister was able to go anywhere she wants. So I just stay silence. Because my life is being planned by my mum. Whatever I buy to eat with the pocket money she gave me e.g $2 I must keep a record down even if I just bought a cup of water! Then I start to lie & the rest... But whenever she finds out I was lying she would whack me up. She also would go holiday with my sister and not bringing me. Even clothes, it's tattered only it's passed down to me. My sister would even ask me to BUY her clothes which she didn't want to wear anymore! Then later my sister had a shotgun marriage.
13. So later I finish school, I was at home. I do not know my future. My mum told me u just stay at home & help her around with the housework and sister's baby. My mum is a VEY clean lady, she would want things to be VERY clean. I remember younger days whenever I didn't wipe the window cleanly, she would use her hand to rub the dust from the window or anywhere and rub it on my face!
14. Cleaning the house & doing housework is right, but whenever I do a mistake about the housework, she would flare and whacking starts all over again. Then later I had eczema on my fingers, yet she didn't bring me see doctor, and I have to continue using bleach or detergent to clean the whole house from the top ceiling to bottom to the outside & inside though my hand crack & bleed. She also would call me monster hand, and wouldn't allow me to even carry sister's baby. Ever if I drop something or forget to do something, she would drag me to a wall, and bang my head to the wall at 1st 10 times and increasing to 100 times each mistake I done! I remember it hurts so badly but what can I do! Though my head bleed she just ask me to use cloth to wipe the wall & not my head! Not only hitting head against the wall! but also slapping on my face and sometimes even hit my left eye which cause tremendous pain and I shouted HEY u hit my EYE! She say DID I? I only slapped u lightly! u want try harder ones??? and worse come! She would slap till my face are swollen. And I remember ever trying to interrupt or add into my mum & sister's conversation, they would stop me & say WHO are to TALK!? Then she go boxing my mouth till bleed. Even I dun wan to talk also was beaten by her! I was so confuse so I always had a black face. But also can't! Everyday sure have something to be scolded or beaten though its just a small matter!
15. About my left eye which is blind, when I reach age 20, the doctor says it's a shrinking eye! I couldn't accept it! Everyone look at me and keep asking me about it! It took me 8 years to really overcome it! It's hard to find a boyfriend! coz many people can't accept their girlfriend to be blind! I even was almost being knocked down by a car at age 12. At age 15 because I didn't take a bus from my school but I went further, I was knocked down by a motorcycle. I remember telling the man to leave, it's fine. But later I can't keep that secret anymore. I told my sister, she told mum, and both of them laughed at me for being stupid and not asking the man to bring me see doctor, and they say no need to bring me too, as my wish! But I needed their care! When I asked my mum about the motor accident at age 25, she say it was my fault! And my eye really look so obvious! I just want be a normal person whom or which I was able to see with 2 eyes! And now I am 1 eye blind. My mum still can't give me more love but instead all the torture!
16. I was really treated worse than a dog! I really do not know last time what is right and wrong in the past, no matter what I do right or wrong it's always wrong and always beaten so many times till I really want to die! I suffered at my mum's house till age 18, until my grandmum and aunt advice me secretly to get out of the house and go work or do something! I wasn't allow to contact any friends, no TV, radio, or having a nap in the afternoon, or talk, or go anywhere! MY ID, passport, bankbook, birth cert, all are with her even though I big enough!
17. So I planned my 2nd attempt to run away but I need to steal my own ID, passport, and bankbook. That was the day I was freed from her torture, but her torture will not only always be many deep scars in my heart but also she left me with a blind eye! which I have to face the fact till I die. I wasted 6 years being in my own world of depression, keep wanting love from her over & over again which I am awake now that she wouldn't change. No one can really understand what I have gone through, though everyone keep saying they know how it feels which is fake! Till now I never trusted anyone because I cannot even trust my own family! And out in the world, it's too realistic, which I have been through many road, like smoking, drinking, committing suicide, throwing lots of temper, wasted lots of money, even be a prostitute, which I don't know what is love for myself! I cried for almost 6 years every day and having many why which I awaited for the 'WHY' till I am tired and scared to see this word anymore! I am like in the blurred world which I have no courage to do anything. People keep saying what can we do? That's what I hated! Everyone is selfish.
18. Anyway, I am 27 this year. All I know now is I need money and a good future with my boyfriend (we are getting engaged soon) and thinking of building a better health of myself because I have thalassemia trait minor (an inherited blood disease) and was having a very weak body due to smoking, drinking and always worried about my eye because I just wonder when will it be close & when will doctor have to dig my eye out!
19. Sigh...I told these things to friends, to relatives so many times, and some friends might don't even believe! I know I am not the only victim in this world but many times I asked 'WHY me'.
20. Thanks for having this website here for me to share my story.
