Child Abuse Story From Nicole D

by Nicole D
(British Columbia, Canada)

- a father is suppposed to be a daughters first love, well, not for me. i will never know what a father-daughter relationship feels like.

from what i can remember, i was molested by my father between the ages of 7/8 - 12-13. My birth father.

i dont like to call him my father or dad, so ill call him marc. Marc would drink on weekends, and probably every other day during the week. I beleive that he and my mother had done drugs in the past.

My mom was a server at night, so she would "close-up" meaning she wouldnt be home untill 2-3 am in the morning. Marc would drink, make sure all his kids ( my two other younger sisters) were sound asleep in all of our beds.

He would call my name around midnight, and make me crawl into bed with him. He would make me touch him, he would touch my private area, he would use his fingers to penetrate me. It hurt soo much, but i didnt want to say "no" or "stop" because he was my father, and what father said, goes.

Marc would also call me into the shower, and make me wash his genitals, and make me touch him, and he would also touch me everywhere.. when he would take a bath he'd do the same. And this all happened when my mom n sisters went out and did stuff, i would stay home.

i remember him after work, when we'd (me and my sisters)get home from school, he'd make me take my top off so he could observe my growth.

from my knowledge, my sisters were never touched.

one time, i was home alone and marc came home from spending a few hours at the bar, i was watching tv, he came beside me, and asked me how my day was etc..
he told, not asked, told me to take my pants off. i did as i was told. he inserted his fingers in me, made me explore myself. he later brought me to his bedroom and told me to lay down. I was scared to say no. I layed down and took my pants off as he told me to do so.

He told me to enjoy what he was about to do. He touched me everywhere. he started putting his lips all over my body. and then he put his mouth on my privates. he started to abuse me ORALY. he told me i should enjoy this and that it should feel good. Thats when i lost myself.

When marc stopped, he said i shouldnt tell anyone and that i should goto 7/11 and get candy with him.

thats when my life changed.

i ran away from home, i moved into friends houses's at the age of 14-15, i didnt tell anyone. Everyone just thought i cried out for attention and that i wanted to be the center of attention.

i started drugs. drugs became my friend. drugs numbed the pain. all the pain he had inflicted on me. i ran away to another province (still only 15) with a young man ive never met before. He took me to edmonton and thats when i started using streetdrugs.

im not going into detail of my life through drugs. i slept with many many many men in my time, im 21 and ive slept with over 100 men.

Marc would also emtionally abuse the rest of the family, calling my mom "a bitch" in front of us, be-littling everyone in the house. Telling my sisters and i we were useless and nothing and couldnt wait till all of his kids would move out.

i have never told anyone untill the age of 16. i tried reaching out to my mom, she wouldnt beleive me, i was a 'drug-addict' and 'drug-addicts' lie.
i came out again with it when i was 19, she still didnt beleive me.

there was maybe one friend in my life that beleived me when no one else did.. she witnessed the physical abuse first hand, by being over at my house one time while still living with my parents (age 12) and Marc was drinkin and threw my head into the wall for no reason.

my littlest sister beleives me. i owe her my life. my boyfriend is very supportive as well, even though he doesnt comprehend or understand completely, i still praise him for the support.

throughout my life, my parents have tried to get me back home and try to "fix" me. they got me an appartement, money and food. At the time, it was a nice gesture, BUT its not what i needed help with.

ive always wanted my mother to beleive me, she and my middle sister think its all lies. ive learned how to let go, because i wont get the response i want from my mom. Stress eats at my mom and slowly kills her, i can see it, she doesnt eat, sleep or smile. . so for survival, ill leave her alone. I also dont want to talk to her because shes a tie to him.

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