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Child Abuse Story From Nicola

by Nicola
(United Kingdom)




I was abused by my step-father from the age of 6 until I was 13. It started when I had a nightmare and he let me sleep in the same bed as him and my mam. He would touch me and make me touch him. One night he took me downstairs where he had oral sex with me. I was 8 at the time. He never tried penetrative sex, just made me touch him and have oral sex with him. I have never told anyone before and won't as he died 5 years ago. I'm 35 now with two children both girls. I'm glad he is dead as I can take my children to visit my mam without the fear he will do to them what he did to me.

A Video Reading by Darlene BarriereNote from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.




Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Nicola

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Mar 14, 2009
 An offender who can no longer offend...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your thoughts about your stepfather's death are completely understandable. Protecting your daughters from the same sexual abuse you endured is indeed your most important job, and the fact that he is dead means you no longer have to concern yourself about him. I do wonder how many victims he had. If he had exposure to other little girls, it is quite likely he molested them as well.

I bristled when you said "he had oral sex with me". It wasn't with you, Nicola; it was to you. I make this distinction because none of what happened to you was your fault. You were not complicit in the acts. The blame, fault and shame lies squarely on his despicable shoulders.

And while I also understand that you don't want to tell anyone about what happened to you at the hands of your molesting stepfather, I still believe that counselling can be beneficial.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Mar 14, 2009
 Encouragement
by: Linda Settles

Nicola, I commend you for keeping your children safe from the man who molested you. So many survivors of abuse fail to realize that abusers do not stop abusing unless they face their crimes and get help. Your children are truly fortunate that you are a protective mother.

On another note, I strongly encourage you to obtain counseling. The after-effects of sexual abuse are often damaging to our relational style, sense of self, and ways of seeing life. You have done well in so many ways, but life can still be better. Better for you and better for your children. Surivivng sexual abuse without counseling is like surviving a car accident when you were very young but never getting medical attention for your injuries. If you grew up with the pain, you don't know how it would feel to be free of it. You have adjusted to it. There is so much healing in getting the trauma out in the open and gaining the perspective of someone who understands the damaging nature of sexual abuse and how it may be affecting your life today.

I wish you the best, Nicola. Thank you for sharing with Darlene and all of us who love supporting survivors like yourself on her site.

Blessings,
Linda Settles
Mar 14, 2009
 Brave and couarageous Nicola
by: Maurice

Sharing one's story of abuse is healing once you are aware that you have others who can emphatise with you, having had other forms of abuse done to them. Acknowledgeing that I was abused late in life, much, mush later than you Nicola. You have peace of mind now knowing your two daughters can visit their Gran. Well done Nicola and a website like Darlene's is an instrument of healing for us both knowing we can in confidence relate and share our story of abuse. It can be difficult to find family or friends to talk it through with. But with Darlene's site you and I can knowing there are others out there who value us and understand.

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