Child Abuse Story From Nancy
by Nancy
(Ohio, USA)
My childhood has always been very difficult for me to talk about. I always feel like no one will believe me. Everyone who knew my father loved him. They didn't know how he was. He used to tell me I was a stupid, worthless dog that nobody wanted around bothering them. He said I was a whore like my mother. He used to beat me and kick me and spit on me.
One Easter Sunday when I was 5 years old, he tore off my new dress and beat me with his belt while I was naked, until I peed all over the floor. Another time, the school called my mom because I had a badly infected injury and they said they would call the authorities the next time I came to school like that. My father came home and found out and beat me horribly over it, and then made me swear not to tell anyone about what went on at our house. I never told anyone until after he died.
I was terrified of him. When I heard his car coming up our driveway I would take off running, trying to find a place to hide. Under a bed or in a closet. Once, I hid under our house for a long time, but he found me. He couldn't reach me, so he threw rocks at me until I had to crawl out to him. I quit hiding from him and I started saying in my mind over and over that I wasn't a real person and what was happening wasn't really real. It helped me to handle it.
Along with how my father treated me, my mom took me to an eye doctor who used to take me into the exam room alone and close the door. He would tell me what he was doing was normal, that doctors were allowed to touch their patients like he had to touch me. He would unzip his pants and undo my clothes and he did bad things to me, touching me and things. After I was an adult, he went to prison for sexually molesting other kids. I had not even thought of what he'd done to me, but now I remember it clearly. It wasn't that I didn't remember before, I just never thought of it. I always remembered it though. I never told on him because I was really afraid and ashamed. I was so afraid my father would find out.
I have severe depression and suicidal thoughts at times. I also deal with terrible nightmares. I can't sleep in the dark, and I get scared easily. Sometimes I burn myself by putting my hands in hot water. At times, though not very often, I have heated up a fork and touched my skin with it. Since I had my son though, I've been trying not to do something so weird. When I think of doing it, I reason my way out of it. It's very difficult for me to look at a man when I'm trying to talk to him, because my father never allowed me to talk or raise my eyes in his presence. These things are all really true. I hope what I said was okay.
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