Child Abuse Story From Nameless and Damaged

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Child Abuse Story From Nameless and Damaged

by Nameless and Damaged
(Detroit, Michigan, USA)

I still do not really feel comfortable telling my story seeing that this is my first time ever revealing it. I am 19 years old now and I think the abuse is really starting to just bother me now.

Well it all started when I was about 3 or 4 years old I remember because I had just started school. My grandmother would watch me after I got out of school. She lived with my aunt and her children. Sometimes when I would get home from school one of my older male cousins would be there. He would take me to his room and make me get naked and touch me and put his penis on my butt and all kinds of sexual things. That went on for about a whole year.

That was just the beginning after that I started vising two of my other cousin's at their house they were male also and older than me. They would do the same things that he did to me but they tried to penetrate me I didnt let it happen though. We did a lot of sexual things together I care not to go into detail. This lasted from when I was about in 2nd grade until 4th.

I even started molesting other children back then I really didnt find anything wrong with it but now that I look back I feel horrible because I know exactly what they may feel like right now and its not a good feeling. My two male cousins would make me molest other children they would watch sometimes and sometimes they would leave us to ourselves and I would do to the other children what they did to me.

Ever since I can remember I have had a attraction toward men I try not to blame it on being molested or molesting but I really think it had a lot to do with it. I am not gay but I watch gay porn. I have had sex with women but never a man. I tried back in middle school when I would spend the night over my friend's houses' I would wait until they went to sleep and play with their butt or fondle them. I have actually went further while they were asleep. But none of them ever confronted me and I did this to about 5 of my friends.

Now that I look at it I think of my self as very disgusting and ashamed. I am a really f***ed up 19 year old male and I do not know what to do. No one knows this side of me the f***ed up side, they only see me as the smart kid with a bright future and a bad temper but there is so much more that I hide. Not even my mom knows I have never told a soul. This is only the short version. :-/

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Nameless and Damaged

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Sep 13, 2011

To Nameless and Damaged:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sexually intrusive children have themselves been sexually abused. These children also do not understand what they are doing and that it's wrong; they simply do to other children what was done to them or what is still being done to them. They don't have the moral compass to stop it. And as they get older, the dynamic between them and their abuser(s) is often so strong that they are ill equipped to put an end to it. Then there comes a time, as the child gets older and more mature, as the child moves into adulthood and understands what's happened to them that the guilt and shame explode on the scene. You cannot put adult values on what you did and did not do as a child. What you can do now is to get help for yourself. And to get help to ensure that if there are any residual urges that are abusive and inappropriate that you never act on them. This isn't about whether or not you're gay; this is about getting your Self healthy and making certain that others are not in danger of being molested. Please seek out some form of counselling. There are counsellors who specialize in treating victims of childhood sexual abuse. Stop telling yourself that you're disgusting, and start instead by telling your Self you're worthy of dignity and respect; and then treat your Self with that dignity and respect. After all, you've shown that you can be honest about what you've endured and the effects of what you endured. You've reached out here, which is a good first step. The next step requires more action on your part, but only you can make the decision to take that next step. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Sep 14, 2011

Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abuser
by: maurice

Hi stand in front of the mirror and say I am Amazing: I am the architect of my own destiny: At 19 now is the time to take charge of your life: It was not your fault that older cousin molested and abused you: He took advantage of your vunerability and innocence: I was asking myself recently Was the 17 year old boy abusing me when he took me into the locker room at the boarding school I went to: after taking down my pants he began touching my bottom and everything while I stood there: He with a few more of the older boys picked on us small boys from time to time: All doing the same thing in secret places: Then I just accepted this as being normal as I did the spanking and beating I receieved from my abuser: Yes; I can empatise with you as it takes time for one to accept and get to know one's sexuality after such experiences as a child: I know I am hetero-sexual: But I did have have homosexual longings for a few years in my teens and young adult life; Darlene's comment is most re-assuring so read and heed her heart words to you in her comment: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: get out there with like-minded friends/people your own age and gender taking part in sports (especially TEAM) you'll make real and natural friends for life: Have many aquaintances who will cheer you up with a kind greeting when you meet: There is safety in numbers; Be true to yourself, your family and your friends: Be gentle and kind with yourself: and the body of yours that was abused: value and respect it: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: I will: I can : I must : because I am WORTH it:

Oct 09, 2011

same here
by: Anonymous

that is exactly my story... i am 23 now and rest of the things are exactly similar...

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Child Abuse Story From Nameless and Damaged

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Child Abuse Story From Nameless and Damaged