Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed99

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

These tough couple of months my boyfriend told me about are turning into more tough months..
Too young to move out but you left me with no other choice!
At least im no longer worried when and where the next bruise is will appear, or when you next want to use me as your punchbag.
"Shut up crying or ill ram this down your throat and you'l be dead!"
One of my most remembered childhood memories.
Childhood. People think its something where you grow up, live your life and your family look after you until your ready to stand on your own two feet.
My childhood was growing up, living my life, and getting beaten to a pulp whenever you felt the need to hurt me until i was old enough to escape at 17.
17.
Still only a child. Still having the memories and nightmares of my past so hurtful that i am no longer able to live with the sick feeling everytime i think about just one of her fists slamming into me, my voice crying at you to let me go.
I bet you felt so in control didnt you?
You never noticed the cuts that kept appearing on my arm, nobody else noticed the home i was going home to.
You hid it so well.
Id love to reveal it one day, how i ran round to my best friends house after you threw a plate at me, how i ran away after recieving so many blows to the head at once that i felt like i needed hospital treatment.
Maybe thats why im so f***ed up these days.
I swear i'll never turn out like you. Ill commit suicide before i even have an inch of your personality in me.
3am.
My eyes are sore but i can't go back to the nightmare ive just had, so i must stay awake.
My eyes aren't as sore as they were on the countless nights i cried myself to sleep, wishing i was adopted.
I think i went through the yellow pages at least 5 times looking for care homes to help me escape my reality.
You made me feel so helpless, i couldn't fight back, you were too strong.
I still can't fight back.
I still feel the pain as i remember you twisting my arm behind my back, forcing me to the ground and repeatedly stamping on me.
Im supposed to love you but you make it so hard for me to actually care about you.
The amount of pain you put me through physically, and the pain im feeling mentally just makes me want to die inside and out.
So i move somewhere far away from you, with a job, and start new.
My living isnt the best, but its something.
I dont have to put up with you screaming at me because you want someone to scream at, punching me because you want to take your anger out on me.
Im still scared though. Why? Cos the brother and sister i will do anything for are living under the same roof as you.

If you lay one finger on them, i will kill you. Ill happily ruin my own life to protect thiers.
You've ruined my life so far.
When you and Dad split up after 5 years of unhappiness, i was so confused.
He did things that were wrong, but so did you, but you never acted upon your mistakes, you carried on blaming him, making me hate him more than i already did.
A year later your engaged. 6 months before this you were single, and didnt need anybody else but us. He comes along and suddenly we don't matter to you no more. At least i dont anyway.
Although you dont deserve me i still need a mum.
I need someone to give me a full cuddle when im going back home, instead of a half hearted one whilst your still holding his hand. Someone to sit in a room with, without your fiance on my 18th meal, with my two older brothers, younger sister and Dad. Shows how much you care when you can't even do that for me. Its always him over me and my brothers and sister now though.
I really wish you would have killed me sometimes.
I wake up and think, "I wonder what it would be like to jump off a bridge today. Would anyone care?"
Truth is, theres only you who i doubt would care. Theres no way im losing my life because your too dumb to see that although your daughter is in the big wide world on her own, she still needs you.
When i told you i was moving out because i was sick of being your punchbag, you made me promise that we would "rebuild our relationship." What hurts is that youve made no effort! I get upset, then so angry i want to hurt myself to stop the
emotional pain.
I really hate you now. The only reason i keep comming back to you is the fact i have to see my little brother and sister, to check you haven't been hurting them in the same way you hurt me.
So when i do come back, theres no way its for your benefit.
I always read about children who were abused much worse than me, then feel like im over reacting and my problems dont matter. But my boyfriend always said if its your biggest problem, then it matters.
I really want to help children who feel as unloved and unwanted as i did. Theres plenty of people around to help them, i want to make them see that.

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