Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed8

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My small childhood: 
This is going to sound a bit random, I don't know when or how this all started... perhaps I should start with what I do know. When I was very young (say 3) my parents divorced. I lived with my mum. All my siblings had left home (they were much older).

I started going to school. Some new neighbors moved in next door (this happened quite regularly, as it was a rental). I loved playing with the boy next door who was a year older than me, we were best friends. Sometimes we let his younger sister play with us also. At some point over the next year or so some strange things happened. All I really remember was 'playing' with him and his dad on a bed in the garage at his house. I started calling myself the little boy's girlfriend and we kissed and messed around. I remember that I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about the things that happened because everyone at school would find out and I would be in trouble by the principal.

I don't know how long the abuse went on for, maybe a couple of years. In this time I exhibited a lot of typical signs of a child that had be abused: frequent urinary tract infections, reoccurring thrush, constant feelings of sickness, I was at the doctor's a lot. My mother questioned me on at least occasions about what was wrong and what was happening to me, but I was so embarrassed I never told. I made up stories about what I did when I went next door. I found it easier to lie about it than deal with anything else. Even after they (my neighbors) moved, things didn't really change.

My father found a new wife and they set up house a few towns away. He would take me to his place every second weekend. While I was away I didn't really have any rules. I had boys stay over in my room and loved experimenting sexually. On one occasion when I was still fairly young I was busted by my stepmother in bed with a boy the same age as me with no pants on. I still don't know if she told anyone about the incident; I wish she had. I was the slut of the school in primary. I kissed and had sex with so many boys. It felt good physically, but I was always crying out for help inside.

When I was 8 I thought I would see what would happen if I told a teacher about these sorts of things. A boy had pulled down his pants and chased my friend around the week previous, and because he was known for doing this, I thought the teacher would believe me if I started by telling her that this had happened to me (even though it hadn't). It sounds like a stupid idea when I think about it now, but it made sense when I was that age. What do you know? Because I made it up, I found it hard to stick to the story and I ended up making a fool of myself. No one believed me. I got 3 weeks detention for lying about something so serious and I lost all credibility with anyone at the school. My mum was told about what happened and I swore to her also that the boy had chased me, but she just didn't want to talk about it.

My self confidence had taken some pretty serious battering and my life was a misery. I cried every day at school and thought about running away. I thought that if I wanted to die that it would be ok, that my mum should understand because it was what I really wanted to do. I must have been in a pretty dark place. I did well at school. I didn't cause any trouble. I tried to please my mum and my teachers. Any trouble I caused myself was kept out of sight of the adults from then on.

On my twelfth birthday I stayed at my father's and had 2 boys stay over (they were around the same age as me, maybe a year older). I had intercourse with both boys over the night many times. I remember it hurt a lot. My dad walked in on me kissing one of them in the morning, and I wasn't allowed to have boys stay over anymore.

My sex life was pretty normal through high school. I only had sex once I think. I liked boys and had relationships that weren't based on sex. My last bad sexual encounter was after I left home, while living in a share house. I got really drunk and ended up sleeping with a guy without using protection. I was passing out while having sex. The next morning, someone said that this guy had slept with 120 girls before me and had a STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection). I lived in fear for 1 whole year before I went to a doctor and got myself tested. The result was negative. I am clear!

Years on from all this, I feel ok. My self esteem is still very low, but I work on it every day. I have been to counseling, but have found it not very helpful. I now have my own family and plan to look after my daughter and try to foster a relationship in which she would not feel so scared to tell me if something happened to her.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed8" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.