Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed41
by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)
Uncle, Grandfather and doctor abused me:
Reading some of these stories makes me feel that I was luckier than most but I know what happened to me as a child has affected me and I sometimes think I don't know to what extent. I have never spoken to anyone professionally about it and I am terrified to even write this out.
The first time I remember being molested was when I was about four years old. My uncle was tickling me and then held me down on the kitchen floor and began fondling my breasts. He would do other things like pretend to burn us with cigarettes or hit us with rolled up newspapers. He also held my beloved dogs nose closed so she couldn't breathe and laughed sadisticly when she began flipping around trying to escape. Everytime he came over somehow he would find me alone and try to fondle me. I would let him get so far because he was an adult and I was afraid to say no to him but I would eventually push him away. Once I saw him holding my older sister down on the bed while he tried to stick his tongue in her mouth. He let her go when he saw me in the doorway. I told my best friend but she didn't believe me until one day we were getting ready to go swimming and he barged into my room. He didn't know she was there and what a look of shock he had when he found her there as well. She told me she believed me after that which was of some help but we never discussed it much. I do not suspect that my parents knew but what I can't get over is how he could do this under their noses. i have a daughter now and if someone was visiting me and left for extended periods of time I would know. i feel some anger towards my parents for this as i somehow feel betrayed that they did not keep me safe.
When I was about ten or eleven I began having problems with my grandfather. Everyone including me loved him and respected him which makes it that much harder to hate him. He did it to me several times over a period of a year then left me alone. At first I didn't know what he was doing but he tried chasing me and fondling me a few times and i could see his erection. He also tried to get into the bathroom when I was taking a bath and would say "Don't you want me to come in and wash your back". Once when he was doing it he said something sick like "Your Grandma doesn't like it anymore". I have never told anyone this because it would just hurt people. When he was dying he told me he was sorry and admitted that he did bad things to me. i told him I forgave him but in actual truth I don't.
The next time I was abused was by my family doctor. He was a new doctor to me and I was eighteen years old. Everytime I went to see him he would make me take all my clothes off even my underwear and put a gown on. At this time I was having a lot of bronchitis so he would have to listen to my chest. He would take the gown off and make me sit there with nothing covering me while he listened to my chest and of course he would always examine my breasts. I would just sit there like a dummy and let him do it as I didn't know that this wasn't proper procedure. About a year later he had to give me an internal exam and that is when I realized that he was molesting me. He moved his fingers back and forth in me and looked at me with a sick smile and asked how it felt. I had never had an internal exam before and i didn't know that this was weird behaviour however I remember leaving there and breaking down into tears when I got out of the office. I changed doctors and never reported him but I now know that i should have. I am in my forties now and these things still bother me. i am terrified for something like this to happen to my daughter and i want to protect her from this kind of ugliness. Sometimes I go long periods of time without thinking about it but sometimes i wonder what it was about me that made me a victim. i was quiet, polite and shy and never knew that I had the right to speak out. i found it helpful to read these posts and maybe i will have to courage to get some counselling about this one day.
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