Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed33
by Name Undisclosed
( Location Undisclosed)
I want to heal:
My mom tells me that I was 2 days old when I recieved my first spanking. She felt I was disturbing my grandparents and that made her feel bad so she had to take it out on me. That would be the same situation throughout my life.
I remember coming home from school when I was in second grade being hungry. No one was home and I looked in the kitchen for something to eat. There was nothing as usual, but I did find some spaghetti noodles and some yeast. So I put the noodles in a glass of water with the yeast. Well the yeast bubbled up making ugly gray water. So I put the glass in the sink. When my mother and father returned home she saw the glass and then got a belt and beat me until I couldn't breathe. She had been fighting with my father before she got home and when she got home the gray water set her off so she took out her anger on me.
I learned through the years to try and do nothing wrong and try to make sure others did nothing wrong because I became the one to receive the beating. I learned that everything that went wrong was my fault. If there was no "cause" to beat me she still needed an outlet for her anger after getting in a fight with my dad so she would have a temper tantrum and grab her purse and scream and cry "I am leaving" then she would get in her car and leave. Leaving me and my brother in our rooms crying.
The beatings were bad enough, but the thing that still hurts me today is...I don't even know how to classify it. My brother and I both remember school clothes shopping. One pair of pants and two shirts for a school year. I remember going to Kmart one time and my mom picked out a pair of pants for me to wear. I told her that they were too tight on the ankles and I couldn't wear them. She got angry with me because she liked them and didn't care that they were too tight on the ankles. So I got nothing. When I entered high school I very quickly quit asking for lunch money. I think for four years of high school I probably had 30 days worth of lunch. She would levy a dose of quilt when I would ask for lunch money. And most of the time I wouldn't get it. So after going to school without breakfast, not having money for lunch so going without, then coming home from school and waiting for dinner time I would wake her up from her napping on the couch and ask her what was for dinner and she would tell me to open a can of soup or something like that and cook it up for dinner. So I would then the three of us would eat the small can of soup. Then when my dad got home from work she cooked him steak. (My brother tells me that he always got lunch money.) We actually had a babysitter once who turned my mom into the child welfare people because we had no food in the house. When they investigated she told them the babysitter was just mad because there was no food for her and her friends. That was the end of that.
We were not real poor, my mother took a trip to Jackpot, Nevada every year to go gambling with her friends. She took a trip down to Nashville to see the stars. I went to the dentist once when I was a little girl, I only went to the doctor to get shots so I could go to school. I needed braces...nope she has to go see those "stars". When I was in 4th or 5th grade I had the flu so bad I was hallucinating. I woke up from my fever induced sleep to find no one home.
She complains that no one does anything for her birthday. The last time she did anything for mine I was 12. She buys my brother gifts for his birthday, things like a pair of pants that are too small, then she will take them back for him and she pockets the money. She buys my dad $600 tool boxes. She only has time for me if somehow she benefits. I call her and she is far too busy she will have to call me back. (Too busy playing spider solitare.) She finally calls me back when I give up calling her and she delivers the quilt trip.
Nope, not done yet. My dad used to call me and my brother horrible names. And when I started to "develop" my dad started messing around with me. Anytime my mother was not at home. These are things that I still can not talk about in detail. I used to beg him not too, but my pleas were ignored.
When I was old enough to drive I was never home anymore and that stopped. Ironically, my dad is the one who helped me get my car. I think he feels bad today for what he has done. I tried to tell my mom once. I can't remember exactly what I said but it was something to the effect of: "something terrible has happened to me" and her reply was "Well what about me I have had such a terrible life."
If ever I have a problem about anything she doesn't want to hear it and twists everything to be about her and her terrible life. Which wasn't great but she has nothing on mine but she will never know because she just doesn't care.
I have forgiven my dad for what he did and moved on but I have not forgiven my mother because as much as I want to love her and be important to her I never will be. She will always put herself above all.
Note from Darlene: I welcome you to follow me on my Facebook page at
Healing from Child Abuse. When you get there, don't forget to click onto the Become a Fan link. I hope to hear from you there!
Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in submissions and visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited. Please don't include them, as they will be removed.
