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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed3

by Name Undisclosed
(Florida, USA)




The 1st part of my story is at Is it child abuse if I'm not bruised or injured? on this site. I first want to say thank you very much for all your help! I was scared to death to write to this website, but I finally got the courage and I am happy I did.

I finally told my father, but I am not out of the house yet. I have to be stuck here for at least another month. It is going to be the longest month ever. I don't know what to do. My dad said he needs time to talk to a lawyer about different laws, including gaining custody of me. Another thing he has to find out is if I can still go to my same school for 11th and 12th grade because he lives in a different school district. I really don't want to switch schools now. I can't handle that change. I would rather stay with my mom and take it. It's not bad, only 2 years until I am out.

Anyway, my dad is going to try and get full custody of me. The problem is, if my mom fights it, he doesn't have the money to take her to court. He also doesn't have the money to buy an apartment in my school district, which he said he is willing to do. I don't want to be selfish and make him pay for all this stuff, he can't afford. My life isn't that horrible that I can't live with this for 2 more years. I have lived with it for 6 years so far. I am also worried that I am going to lose my mom. I don't want her to hate me forever, even though I hate her.

I am scared for this month. I can't sleep at night and I am paranoid. My mind is racing and I can't concentrate on anything. I had finals last week at school, and I couldn't even read the question and understand what it was asking. I have lost my appetite, and lately all I have wanted to do was play soccer (which I can't do yet because I have an injured ankle) or go to my friend's house. I love her house. It is amazing!! Her family is the sweetest family I have ever met, and I am so thankful when I am over there. I feel so happy and safe there. I wish I could live there. It feels more like home than my house. I go over there a lot, but lately my mom has been getting jealous and saying that I need to spend time at her house. She bans me from their house. She tries to eliminate my friends and she told me that. She eliminated my neighbor, who is my friend, from my life. I am not allowed to talk to her or see her anymore at all. My mom monitors my phone bill to see who I talk to and she cuts my text messaging off to certain people when she is mad. I don't like living here. I don't think I can take it!



I am scared living here because it is still happening. Yesterday she got really mad and started kicking me and stuff and chasing me to my room. She screamed at me to get out so I tried to get on my bike and ride to my friend's house, but she grabbed me and dragged me inside. I couldn't escape. I called my dad, but he couldn't get me out because it was my mom's day with me and he isn't supposed to know the physical part so he said to give him time. I don't want to go home anymore!!! I don't know what to do because my dad doesn't think it's too bad, but if I try and run to my friend's house, her parents will call the police.

One final secret I would like to tell that I haven't told anyone besides my friend. When I was in 7th or 8th grade, I was stupid and attempted suicide. My mom and I just had a fight, and she told me to go kill myself. So out of anger and stress and depression I tried. My mom doesn't even know I tried though. I was stupid because I shouldn't listen and take the things she says seriously. She used to say that she was going to drive off a bridge in her car, and then she would leave for a couple hours. I shouldn't trust her.

Anyway, thanks for your time.

Reply from Darlene: You absolutely need to stop thinking that your father shouldn't spend money to get custody of you. You're not thinking about this the way a loving, caring and nurturing parent thinks about it, the way your father thinks about this. It is the job of parents to keep their children safe from harm. If that means spending money in order to do that, then so be it! Your father loves you; let him show it.

But you may need to make concessions as well.

The remainder of Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed3" can be found below. If you do not see the comments I've written, please be patient, as there is a system glitch regarding comments going live on my site. I replied to your story June 8, 2008, comments titled "DELIGHTED that you told your father..." Keep checking back to this page. I thank you and my other visitors for your understanding while I work at getting this minor malfunction resolved.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed3

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Jun 08, 2008
 DELIGHTED that you told your father...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As we mature, we are faced with making difficult decisions; that's the nature of growing up. Sometimes we are faced with having to choose between two situations, neither of which will meet all our wants and needs.

In one breath, you say you can take another two years of your mother's abuse if it means you can continue to stay in your school to finish grades 11 and 12. In another, as you describe a fight with your mother, you say the exact opposite. I understand the conflicted feelings all too well; it's crazy-making stuff! I understand that you have friends at this school; and right now, friends are a HUGE asset. The fact that you feel comfortable in that school goes a long way toward helping your self-esteem. From what you've said, I believe your father is working hard to keep the "good" in your life intact, school included, but that may not be possible under the circumstances. I say may not, because living in one school catchment area while going to school in another is not at all uncommon, especially under circumstances such as yours.

As for your mother, you have good reason not to trust her. Children and youth need to feel safe. When your mother threatened to drive herself off a bridge, then left the house, you must have been terrified. What you mother did is a form of emotion abuse. The effects of such abuse can be long-reaching and devastating.

It comes as no surprise that you would attempt suicide after your mother, the woman who is supposed to love and care for you, would tell you to "go kill yourself." It matters not that your mother responded out of anger or that she was possibly having a bad day. There is no excuse for what she said. MOTHERS DON'T TELL THEIR CHILDREN TO GO KILL THEMSELVES! EVER!

And just for the record, I don't see your attempted suicide as stupid as much as I see it as an act of desperation, an act intended to get rid of the pain. The anguish of hearing your own mother tell you to go kill yourself was without question, unbearable. I understand this, because my own mother said the same to me. She even mocked and ridiculed me for failing at one attempt, trying to bait me into another attempt; which could easily have driven me to a completed suicide. My heart truly goes out to you, dear.

When you need to talk to someone and confide what is happening in your home, remember to follow the advice I gave to you in my comments to your question: Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) really is a helpful resource.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jun 09, 2008
 Progress
by: Hayley

Hi friend, how are you feeling today? You're doing really well, though not wanting your dad to sacrifice things for you is natural. I felt really guilty about my parents supplementing me when I was out of work, the only joy I had in my mother buying me things 8/9 years ago to go into hospital was because I had worked for them. I agree with Darlene though, your dad is showing that he cares about you and is probably absolutely crackers about you. Who wouldn't be? I know I don't know you but you are so strong and are so special to him.

When my mother and I had fights, thankfully not physical ones, she yelled out loud, and even in the back garden that she was going to kill herself. Once I cut my wrist, partly to kill myself, or at least try, but mainly to scare her. Unfortunately it didn't work and she gave me a terrible time.

Looking back I am so glad it didn't work, and also glad that I survived my terrible accident. My mother once asked me if I ran out infron of the car that ran me over on purpose because of what my brother did to me. Even an employere asked that but it wasn't. A couple of years ago I was close to attempting suicide but again I am glad I didn't. You aren't stupid for attempting it. Youre not stupid, end of. Hang on in there, and try to see your friends even though it may be difficult. Good luck with the ankle injury as well. I am currently unable to play hockey because of a back injury. I ran to my doctors today and it feels okay, but it's pretty painful the rest of the time. Good luck with your soccer, who do you support, if you don't mind me asking?

Hang on in there, the emotional abuse may not leave physical marks, but it does bruise your feelings which is just as bad. Soon you will be able to learn not to care what people think of you even though it's hard to believe. this is what I and no doubt everyone else that uses this site and has read your page thinks of you: Special, strong, truly wonderful and courageous young person who can be extremely proud of yourself for how long you have coped with this treatment. Hang on in there, we're all on yourside.
Jun 12, 2008
 To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm posting this in an effort to release the other comments currently in queue for this submission; there is a system glitch that has yet to be resolved. My sincere apologies for the delay in getting these comments to appear on this page. I realize it's an inconvenience, but rest assured, I continue to work at trying to fix this problem.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jun 16, 2008
 to undisclosed
by: sarah

I understand your dad doesn't have the money and you feel guilty but its not selfish your happyness is worth all money on earth for your dad.I don't have a dad or anyone to go out and live with and you do so please take the chance. two years until im out is what i say also but why suffer through 2 years when u can live with a loving dad. I know what the feeling is like to be in another home and they all look so happy and loving thats what it seems like to be in every house but mine. I hope you do decide to go with your dad! and good luck

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