Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed

by Name Undisclosed12
(Location Undisclosed)

If I write my name, he'll find this...sorry:
When I was a little girl, my dad and mom divorced. My mom's landlord and friend became my dad's friend. I don't know when it started, and frankly I'm not sure it even matters. My dad, my 'uncle', and my stepdad all raped and molested me as soon as they met me. My stepdad began when I was 5, the other two had been slowly introducing me into their world, since toddlerhood.

This is so hard to do right now, I finally bit the bullet and am signing myself up for some counselling. I had major flashbacks today that make me feel very unsettled and nauseous. I have to remain strong for my children, so I shove it away til I have time to deal with it.

Today, I had flashbacks of my father and my 'uncle' raping me, together. I was at most 10 years old. By the age of 12, I'd experienced every sexual perversion you can think of, every kink, every fetish.

On top of that, I have smaller flashbacks (scarier) of being used by a handful of men in one room.

I already, before today, was aware of all the acts, the sex magick, drugs, pornography, torture, brainwashing, primary abusers, religious rituals, and how they've affected my life. But being 'aware' is as far as I've come in many of these so far (as of 6 months ago)

There's also the memory about my dad getting me pregnant, though through all the drugs, I'm not sure that'll ever be put down as a certainty or not. Though every part of me believes I was pregnant. I was 14.

I'm looking for a safe, open-minded message board to talk about these things on...I feel as though I need to talk to people who've gone through as much as I have, or at least can empathise with what happened to me.

I'm freakin' out right now...it's more than I had thought happened. I want to burst out into tears, throw up and I want to curl into a ball in bed and scream, just like I did as a little girl.

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed

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Mar 18, 2009

Flashbacks and counselling...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm very glad you are signing yourself up for counselling. You'll need the help dealing with the flashbacks because the emotions that surface during these times transport you back to when it happened. You in essence relive the terrible ordeal. The ordeal was unbearable when it happened; reliving it endlessly is inhumane.

When I went through therapy more than 25 years ago, I too was experiencing flashbacks; perhaps not to the degree of yours, but flashbacks nonetheless. I didn't even know what they were. But in the safety of my therapist's office, I was able to get to the root of them and learn techniques on how to deal with them when they surfaced. Once I had these tools, and also built up my self-confidence, the flashbacks (and nightmares) began to dissipate. Eventually, they stopped completely. I wish you the same success in your counselling process. You deserve this kind of help, and your children deserve to have a mother that is taking very good care of herself; that is one of the kindest and most loving gifts you can give both them and you.

I'm so sorry that I can't point you toward any online forums that will give you what you are looking for. The ones that I am aware of were filled to capacity some time ago. Here, I can only offer validation and encouragement. Perhaps some of my visitors can offer their own supportive comments, but this is not typically an ongoing thing. Perhaps as you read through some of the stories from other contributors, you'll feel less alone. My sitemap page has an A - Z Story Listing that will help you find the nearly 1000 stories on this site.

And just for the record, you don't ever need to apologize for wanting—needing—to stay anonymous, on this site or anywhere else. Pick a moniker, if you must, or continue with Name Undisclosed12 (NU12 works too).

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 18, 2009

I was abuse too
by: Scott Canada

I was abused too..That one statement was important for me. Once I admitted I was actually abused and not just ....(corrected) or what ever society calls it,I was able to look at all the aspects of my life in a NEW light. Things about me and my personality and memories all took on new meanings and relativity. I remember saying to myself.."well at least I wasn't sexually abused." This one thing turned out to be false also.What happened to me was very sexual and it shaped my sexuality and relationships with people forever. I chose to post my name and location as a way to validate the abuse that I had somehow shrugged off as trivial. I discovered the world of denial is an ugly one indeed.Many things can hide there.I respect your need for privacy regarding name and location.This IS a safe place to share and open up.....I'm sorry for what happened to you when you were a child.I'm sorry for what is happening to you now as an adult.This is a place to share. I will listen should you choose to share more with your comments or perhaps add more to your story. You will find me in the list with others who have posted. Scott Canada. I am a survivor.NO MORE DENIAL.

Mar 18, 2009

thank you for taking the time to read
by: Anonymous

hi there, I'm the poster. the only reason I haven't disclosed who I am, is that I know my abuser(s)are 'googling' me on a regular basis, and I wished to avoid the off-chance he'd find me here, that is all. I also have a very unique name, so I can't post it lol. I'm not in denial of what happened to me, my issue is more about the effects on me and the intricacies of the mental abuse. If asked, I could probably ramble on and on about everything I remember, no problem, the emotional side is where my issues lay. Thank you so much for your input, I feel good knowing I'm not alone. :) btw, Canada rocks! lol :D

Mar 18, 2009

I feel your pain...
by: Sandra

I will call you "sister"....

Sister,
I want you to know that you are NOT ALONE!! I know exactly what you have gone through and how you feel. I too have suffered in the hands of a man that til this day roams freely living his life as if he did NO HARM at all. While I live with those nightmares haunting me daily and although I want to break free, I still cant. I have lived with this fact my entire life and although I have tried counseling it gets TOO overwhelming and I cant seem to face it. My whole family found out when I was 16 and this started when I was 7 and now at 33, I am just beginning to unravel it all again. You see it was sweapt under the carpet and I cant continue to live like that anymore. I wish there was a way for us to talk but unfortunately there isnt...
I will tell you this...I will have you in my prayers every night...as I pray for my own sanity, I will pray for yours. Because, I know all too well what it feels like and how exhausting it can be to hold yourself together for others, when you want to do is cry and scream out to the world how you are hurting inside.

Keep your head up! You are not alone, sis!!

Mar 23, 2009

many are annonomouse/frightened undiscllosed
by: maurice

Our annominity thanks to sites like Darlene's gets a hearing and an airing. yours is no exception, great you had the courage to put on paper your horrific ordeals. You are a very brave and strong woman. I can only presume how relieved you must feel now that you've begun to relate your story to others who really undersatand. Thank you Darlene for being their for this great and wonderful human being female. You have been her saving light. As you are to many like her, me and others. Even being given the opportunity to feel the pain of the other abused relating their story knowing it is safe that is a blessing in itself. With me I can empathise with all the related stories. Painful and all that they are in the telling, never the less you give the victims of abuse to alow and to begin to acknoledge their own beautifulness in it all. Not, Not easy as we all well know. Thank you undisclosed for being ever so brave. know you have others who undersatnd you. Find that friend whom you can totally trust (again not easy) to to hug and be huggedby them. begin to love your beautiful self as wea all are in our own right. I love myself and my body Now. It helps me to say I'M SPECIAL.I've been lucky to find 3 friends who love me the way I am. My prayers are with you.

Mar 31, 2009

I am listening
by: Shane

I know the pain can never go away, but I know it's a temporary relief to speak how you feel and know someone is listening and cares. I just want you to know that I am listening and I care. I wish these things never happened to you, you never deserved them.

Just remember that people love you and will always care about you! If you would like to talk more to try and relieve the pain, I'm here for you.

Shane

Note from Darlene: Shane, I know you really want to help this person, and I applaud that; but I must tell you that I have a strict policy that does not permit the inclusion of personal information such as email addresses, phone numbers, etc., within comments or submissions. This policy is in place in order to ensure the safety of all who visit here. I have therefore removed your email address from the comment you left above. I thank you for your understanding.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed

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