Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed10

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Trapped Somewhere in the Past: 
Children should be seen and not heard.
Respect has to be earned by children.
Children never argue with adult decisions.
Whatever means it takes to control a rebellious child is okay.
Children aren't really people until they grow up.

I can remember these words being said many times through the lifetime of me growing up. My first memory of any sex abuse was at the age of four. The memory is very fuzzy too, but I remember a lot of blood and my aunt (whom we lived with) watching from a chair nearby. Afterwards, she took me to her bed until I could once again walk. I don't remember much after that.

For years and years my sister and I endured countless beatings and sexual assaults at the hands of my father and his sister. I enjoyed the sex with my aunt because they always ended with lots of hugs and gentle stroking. I guess anyone who enjoys that gets what they deserve.

My sister left and married at the age of 18, running away in the middle of the night. By this time my father's sister had passed away. I was left with this man who was crazed with the idea that I was going to leave him too. I was pregnant soon after my sister left, which ended in an abortion (another sin I have done).

When I was of age, I found my own apartment but not before informing my father where I was living. The last sexual attack between us was about 6 months ago. Being that I am in my thirties, the idea of my innocence has faded away like the feeling of childhood innocence faded long ago. I have pressed charges finally, at the insistence of my husband of many years.

I am alone. I am sad. And I don't know how to bring myself out of this sea of despair that I have brought upon myself. My father is a very violent man but as violent as he is, I still care for his well-being more than even my own sometimes. He has always been very forceful in his sexual acts. But as an adult, I should have done something to change it long long ago. I just don't know what to do. I don't even know if I care enough to do it anymore.

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