Child Abuse Story From Mick

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Child Abuse Story From Mick

by Mick
(Manchester, UK )

I've told girlfriends before but they soon break up with me as if I'm damaged:
I was about five my father was a drunk i would go to school come home and no one would be in i wouldn't have a key so i had no where to go i use to make ways for me to be able to break in like unscrew the kitchen window so if it was pulled on the outside i could climb in but when my dad found out he beat be he had what i would call now uncontrollable rage my dad would usually make it home around two am or four am i also had a younger sister i'm not sure what she did but i'm sure the same things happened to her and more we don't speak much now i had two uncles one who i liked but was a heroin addict he never hurt me the other uncle i thought i liked now older understand more anyway the bad uncle lets call tom i would go to his house and have somewhere to stay but one night my sister was there and he only having one spare room which my sister got i shared with tom it started with tickle games then what i remember was he said he had an itch he asked if i would scratch it he kept saying lower lower lower and u know anyway it progressed from there oral sex to foreign objects and such he usually bribed me with a chocolate bar thinking back i feel very degraded an am unsure of my own self-worth i was also abused by a fourteen year old girl when i was 7 she stripped me naked in a field near a canal tried to perform oral on me but got mad and beat me i remember she was very aggressive she made me do things to her which are just a blur she left me and took my clothes i waited until night and walked home some 15 mins keeping to back allays some two years later i was put into care with my sister we stayed together in most placements but there was always this feeling that the carers wanted just a girl i was always treated differently be it being bullied by a son of the carer so i would ask to be moved and the carers trying all they could to keep my sister or having carers expect me to say love you while going to bed or school iv always felt i don't understand how people throw this word around that means so much but to them so little even in foster placements iv been lucky had real'y good families but still felt i was being abused in one form or another now i am 23 single for past four years and feel like my whole world is falling apart i am serverly depressed i am on ssri's but am having no luck i write this commentary as i feel need to try something different tell someone the whole truth iv only told girlfriends but have soon been broken up with which leaves my self esteem shattered iv done counselling but have made no progress never spoke about the past sexual abuse only the physical and neglect i am not sure what happens next i would like to just to say to everyone else one here stay strong we all have good days and we all have bad days :)

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach

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Child Abuse Story From Mick

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Jul 23, 2011

Mick:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You said you've had counselling but that you only discussed the physical abuse. I've learned that in therapy/counselling we must be honest if we have any hope of dealing with our abuses and moving along the path of healing and recovery. Healing can only begin when we put all our "stuff" on the table. When we keep such things from the discussion during our sessions, we cheat ourselves from ever being able to truly heal. It's dishonest to our Selves. What happened to you wasn't your fault. Mick. You had no power as a child; your abusers had all the power and they misused that power. They took advantage of your vulnerabilities. In foster homes, it's understandable that you would still "feel" abused, even when there was a loving family, because to feel any other way was to risk what you couldn't risk: being betrayed once again when you actually showed love. That was too great a risk to take. Perhaps that's the same pattern you've developed with your relationships. Telling your girlfriends what they are not yet ready to know can be a protector of sorts, especially when you know they'll likely break up with you when you do. In essence, you push them away before love enters into the picture; and as a result, you don't have to risk love. But now, as an adult, the risk you must take is in trusting your Self. Take back the power that was taken from you as a little boy and as an adolescent. That means taking responsibility for your own healing and recovery, and going into counselling with an open mind, an open heart, and an open attitude. Take the time you need for healing to begin before getting into relationships. Start getting yourself healthy first. Sharing what happened to you with a significant other is important, but it doesn't have to be early on in the relationship. In fact, that level of trust takes time. So take the time you need, Mick. You didn't deserve to be abused in any way. You most definitely deserve help for the fact that you were; and that starts with YOU. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 23, 2011

Thank You
by: Carrie

Hi Mick,

Thank you for being so courageous as to share such a painful experience. I am so sorry that all that happened to you. Darlene is right, if you go to therapy try and find it in yourself to tell the whole story. It is so so painful but the outcome will eventually, over time be freeing. You are not alone. Darlene hit the nail on the head with self protection and pushing people away. It is how we who have been abused survived. I do the same thing but am slowly learning a new way, and while scarey and foreign there are moments of happiness now and times when I find strength I never knew I had, to reach out to someone. I have to fight with every ounce of my being to make friends and not push them away, but what a wonderful thing when there is victory. You can have victory. I wish all the very best for you from here on. Take care of you. You are worth it!

Jul 24, 2011

Don't Quit: YOU be the winner: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

I will: I can: I must: that Mick I hope you will make your new motto because You are WORTH it: A sad story: you were brave: you had the courage to search for and find Darlene's site: Let her comment be for you be a beacon of light in your life fro NOW: TODAY move on and begin slowly to let go: You'll do that best by staying with your Counsellor/Therapist But you myst address everything from the inside: let it all out on the table: Don't be afraid, you are an intelligent young man: You want to be the man you were born to be not the man the child or adolecent that those people ruined by abusing you: They were bad, beastly, Physical abuse can be the easiest form of abuse to talk about but sexual abuse sure needs to be talked about too: While both leave deep scars and effects on the mind: It is only when we tell all that happened in the degrading of one's innocene, vunerability and dignity as a child that we put it all in perspective: Mick, you will, you can and you must: your counsellor will be gentle with you: Mick I hope you have a friend or two your own age and male so you can speak in trust to them: A good woman friend has helped many a man to make sense of their life too: Get my message: Mick ask yourself Who Am I? then say I am... Amazing: the architect of my own destiny: Beautiful: within and without: Courageous: willing to take chances: Dynamic ever changing and growing: Make sense of these for yourself: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Carrie and I but most of all Darlene wants what is the best for you MicK Follow Darlene's encourageing, helpful loving words: They are from her heart to yours Mick: You'll be fine: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: You have gifts; you have tallents and I am sure leadership qualities to go with them: Start today taking part in TEAM sports and sporting and cultural activities with like-minded people and new horizons will open out for you: Be gentle and kind on yourself: If possible talk to your sister: You both could benefit no end from it:

Jul 24, 2011

part 2
by: mick pt 2

Maurice i don't have friends my own age i 23 and one of my good friends is 48 and another 32 i also have a few friends that are women will no sexual attraction seems to make people think im gay but im not i would say im more emotionally retarded in the clinical sense of the word to be held back
also to Darlene where you quoted 'Telling your girlfriends what they are not yet ready to know can be a protector of sorts, especially when you know they'll likely break up with you' i only told two girls one i was with for 13 months before i told her and that was a discussion in bed after **** just talking but things got weird the following next days and the other girl i was with seven months i told her because she told me something and she felt i didn't want to be with her now thinking back now if a certain thing had happened to her i don't think she would have tried to use it as a sympathy emotional manipulation as of a day later she started to ignore me
i will say this tho i am going to contact my Councillor it has been about a year since i have spoken with them i wasn't even discharged or had any follow up calls to see why i hadn't been back
i am unsure how my life will turn out but i am hopeful of finding someone who will love me for me and make me want to be a better man i know this is hard but i don't like my life right now iv decided to stop taking my medication its not doing me any good iv been so depressed iv spent like two days in bed iv never done that before medication isn't always the answer but i will discuss with my medical consultant before i stop
thanks for listening

Aug 12, 2011

They had no right to walk out on you
by: Cheza Blair Styder

Mick

I read your story and i was surprised to see such aweful things that happened to you. Even your girlfriends broke up with you, i say that they had no right to walk out of you mick they should have understood that child abuse is a very bad thing and they should stick with you.

Aug 13, 2011

When I was a child I thought as a child: Now as an adult I must think as an adult
by: maurice

At 23 years your wanting to live a normal happy life to the full has been heard: You'll be fine Mick: Manchester MIck: Don't Quit, Don't give up on yourself: You have received a huge sense of empathy here on Darlene's safe Haven Site: That it is Mick: Great you were so trustworthy speaking from your heart in all you were forced to endure by those who took away your dignity, self esteem, in your most vunerable of years childhood and adolecence: Hi Mick, your are highly intelligent: You ca and will stand on your own and live your life to the full: Having the older age of friends can work to you advantage: If they are true friends they will allow you to be true to yourself and your hopes and dreams to live your own life: Be brave, step out, go where you can meet male/female people your own age: Going back to Teraphy will be a great help: You have been offered real love, affirmation, encouragement by Darlene and indeed my heart and others too shared our true feelings as we empatised with you greatly: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Your counsellor will help you to put your true feelings about yourself into perspective for you: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: You'll be fine: Be true to yourself always: Lift yourself out of the morass of your present thinking and live well: Laugh Often: Love much: think positive: be positve: act positive in all you do and say about your wonderful and beautiful self: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: Yes MICK Because I am WORTH it; I'm special: UNIQUE and un REPEATABLE: get my drift;

Nov 29, 2011

:)
by: Anonymous

Those girls are idiots and to be honest i think your pretty much better off without them, i cant say i know what your going through and i know I'm only 17 at the moment but I have had crap stuff happen to me with my family life no where near as bad as you and i think your pretty amazing for coming out of it, but there are people out there who like love you regardless like my boyfriend i told him about whats happened/happening to me and hes still here so there are people out there that will stay just don't get yourself down like it may be like well what do you know your only 17 but because of my background iv had to grown up very fast so just to let you know you sound like a great guy hope things get better for you you deserve a happy life with people that truly care about you :) x

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Child Abuse Story From Mick

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Child Abuse Story From Mick