Child Abuse Story From Michelle2

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle2

by Michelle E.
(Whiteman Air Force Base, Missouri, USA)

Sexually Abused as a Child:
I was sexually abused as a child. I was only 7 or 8, I don't remember. I do remember who did it and where...I have suffered for 30 years with this and finally "opened a shut door". I thought it was my fault. For 30 years I thought that I did something to provoke my abusers-they were my babysitters' sons...

They gave me candy and treats to begin with, and it started with kissing and led to being sexually abused. They were in high school and I was only in the 1st grade. To this day I remember their names and see their faces.

I didn't realize the impact that this "secret" has had on my life. I became promiscuous in high school, and have suffered self-esteem issues to this day. I have been battling bulimia for 15 years. I have lost a husband to suicide, a child to SIDS, remarried an emotional and physical abuser, and lost my son to my sister. I feel like my life is out of control.

I just started counseling, and still have a hard time believing that this wasn't my fault. I have a daughter who is 9, and I have never let her stay with a babysitter. She lives with me. Without her I would be lost. I have so many voices in my head always telling me what a horrible person I am. I am hoping that by connecting with someone or some group I can hopefully get on with my life. I have never shared my experiences with anyone until now. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed. And I am lost.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Michelle2" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle2

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Aug 11, 2008

NOT your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Michelle, as a 6-year-old little girl, if you had run around buck naked, it wouldn't have been provocation for sexual assault. You said you have a difficult time accepting that what those sex offending boys did to you was not your fault. I'm going to put your perception into a different perspective: I doubt very much that you would blame your 9-year-old daughter if she were being victimized by molesters, regardless of the circumstances. I doubt very much that you would accept her being ashamed of herself. So why—HOW—can you possibly blame YOURSELF as a 6-year-old! You accepted candy...what 6-year-old wouldn't! The responsibility for the criminal acts committed against you lies with your molesters, Michelle. Period. End of story. No question about it. You are now a full-fledged adult with children of your own. You can't possibly believe that as a vulnerable and helpless 6-year-old you had the power or wherewithal to protect yourself and stop the abuse from happening. For goodness sake, you were barely out of diapers; protecting you from harm was the job of the adults around you, just as it is now your job to protect your daughter from harm (which is why you won't leave her in the care of a babysitter).

Michelle, the first challenge for you is in shifting the way you think about what happened to you as a child. When you change how you think, you change how you feel. Cut yourself a break; you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. NOTHING!

As for the way your life has unfolded, the impact of being sexually abused in childhood has truly been far-reaching in your adulthood. You have lived a life chock-full of grief; grief that most wouldn't have to face if they lived a hundred years. Yet here you still are. Do you not realize how strong you are? Do you not realize the depth of your capacity to love? Do you not realize that you are an amazingly resilient woman? Horrible person??? I THINK NOT!!!

I can't offer you the names of any support groups, Michelle. I can only offer the benefit of my insight and words of encouragement. I do hope you'll stay in counselling. Your counsellor may be able to help you further understand the message that I've attempted to instill in you here; a message that will not only help you deal with your past and present demons, but also help you as a mother to your precious daughter (and son). I've said this numerous times before: The best gift you can give your children is to take good care of their mother. Take good care of yourself, Michelle. You are definitely worth it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 12, 2008

Sorry
by: Karen17

Hey my name is Karen I love writting poetry and well I have never been abused. I'm only 17 years old and the poems I write are about teenage girls. I really would love to hear more about your story. I'm so sorry to hear about all the bad suffering you had to go through as a child.

Karen

***Edited by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Aug 12, 2008

To Karen 17:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I have removed your email address from the post you offered to Michelle. I have a strict policy that does not permit visitors to include email addresses or any other personal identifying information. I do this to ensure that all my visitors are kept safe. I trust you understand, and ask that you please refrain from including such personal information in your comments on this site.

Thank you, Karen.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle2

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Child Abuse Story From Michelle2