Child Abuse Story From Michele

by Michele
(New Orleans, Los Angeles, USA)

I'm the middle child. I have 2 sisters. We were all abused, mostly by my mother, but my father chipped in from time to time. My dad was in the military, and I now realize he was an alcoholic. He was never home. If he wasn't away on military training or schools, he spent all of his time at the gym or playing sports. I think he didn't like coming home to a bunch of females. He very rarely spoke to us. Almost all of our dealings were if it was time to beat us. I remember always being very afraid of him, but wanting him to love me, even if he didn't like me. I knew he didn't like me.

My mother was/is very controlling, manipulative and mean. My mom was obsessed with us having sex or liking boys. If there was any sign of us having a boyfriend, she would strip us naked and beat us. Sometimes she would just have a bad day and beat us. Her favorite weapon was a belt or a wooden clog. When I was 14, I spent an afternoon with an older boy I was not allowed to see. My parents found out and immediately accused me of having sex. They called me b***, slut and told me I was filthy. They closed all the doors and windows and told me to go to the back bedroom and take off all my clothes. They took turns beating me, kicking me and knocking me down. I was covered in welts and scars for almost 2 weeks.

On another occasion, my mom saw me playing outside with a boy. She punched me in the eye in front all of my friends. She dragged me to the car, asked if my eye hurt. I said "no," so she punched me in the other one. She sent me outside the next day to play (which she hardly ever let us do) with one black eye and a busted blood vessel in the other.

We never knew what would set her off. Once, I drank from a soda she left in the fridge. She lined us up and asked who did it. When she found out it was me, she made up an exaggerated story and sent my dad into a rage. He came in the room, picked me up by my collar until I almost touched the ceiling, started yelling at me and then, all of a sudden, let me go. I remember my head hitting the wood floors and blacking out. That's how it usually happened. She would tell my father some outrageous lie and he would beat us after she did. I called it the "tag team."

Once, she forgot my oldest sister was attending a track banquet and accused her of being with a boy. She picked us up and drove down a dark, secluded rode, near our house and started screaming and slamming on the breaks at the same time. I remember being in the front seat and hitting my head several times on the dash. She was saying she was going to hurt us when she got home. My older sister got so afraid, she jumped from the moving van and ran. When we got home, my mom had the nerve to call the police! When they questioned our neighbors, they told how my mom was always beating us. Nothing ever happened. But, later on that night, there was a news story showing my sister accepting an award. She never apologized. She beat my sister when the cops found her.

I ran away so much, she called me "the track star." I did everything I could think of to make my parents like me. I played sports and always finished in the top 3. I participated in Speech & Drama and never, ever saw them at a track meet, basketball game, play or awards ceremony. The more I did, the more my mom mistreated me. She said I thought I was too smart and better than the rest of them.

I used to pray that my dad would see what my mom was doing. I'd ask God to make him like us enough to make her stop or just step in and help us. I don't know why I thought he (my dad) could help me when he was part of the problem.

As a kid, I would get this tingling in my hands when I was afraid or had a feeling that one of them was going to hurt me. I'm 31 years old, and I've recently started getting that feeling again. I have nightmares and believe I'm having anxiety attacks.

I'm so sorry this is so long. This is the first time I've got up the nerve to do something like this. I know I need help, but I'm afraid my parents will find out, or that I will have to confront them on it and mess up everything in my family. Everybody gets along okay now, I don't want to mess that up for my sisters.

Thank You so much for letting me get this out.

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