Child Abuse Story From Meghann

by Meghann
(USA)

Molested: 
I don't remember being sexually abused before I was 15. I might have blocked it out though, I don't remember. But when I was 15, I was next to my dad on the couch. Nobody was awake but us. I kind of leaned against him sometimes, just to be comfortable. We were watching television when I felt his hand around my waistline. I was wearing a skirt and his hand just went right up into my underwear. I felt so helpless. No thoughts really went through my mind. I just stared at the TV. My dad 'rubbed' me for a minute. All of a sudden his hand came out and he stood up. He asked me to lie down on the couch. I was scared I was going to make him upset, but I told him I had to go to bed because I needed to wake up early for school. Surprisingly, he was understanding and told me to go to bed.

After that, he would touch me over my clothes when the opportunity came up. He would rub my shoulders just a little bit then move his hands down my back and just kind of rest on my butt. I would feel uncomfortable with what he did, but I never really had the willpower to say no. Apart from the first time, he never went into my clothes for quite some time. If he tried I would just leave before anything real bad happened.

However, he began to expose himself to me around this time. The first time I remember was when I was sick. He stayed home with me since my mom wanted either him or herself to help me. I had the flu, not much of an appetite, but wanted some toast. I called for my dad who was in his bedroom. He came in stark naked. Right away I asked him why he was naked, and all he said was that he was changing his clothes when I called him. I just forgot about him, trying not to look at him and asked him to get me some toast and something to drink. When he came back, I noticed he had an erection. It really grossed me out but I ate my toast and went back to sleep.

Another time I was going to go away with my friends. I knocked on my dad's bedroom door and asked him for some money. He told me to come on in and again he was naked. He had me explain where I was going and what I was going to buy while he stood in front of me naked. It was so disgusting. I could see him become hard right in front of me. So sick. Then I had to hug him before I left.

Stupid stuff like that went on, but I never felt real threatened by him. I knew he was weird, but never really thought of him as a pedophile. But that all changed around Christmas time, just a month before I turned 16. He became increasingly "touchy" with me. He started fondling my chest over my clothes. He would tell me my chest was growing nicely now (I was flat before this) and try to guess my bra size. I wanted no part of this conversation, and told him to get off me. Like the very next day, I caught him looking through my underwear drawer.

A few days after this was Christmas Eve. We opened presents and we needed batteries for some of the toys for the kids. We opened presents with my nieces and nephews too, so my dad asked me to go quickly with him to the store. He placed his hand on my leg and told me how beautiful I looked tonight. I ignored him and his hand went higher and higher until he was on my crotch. After we got some batteries, on the way home, he flat out told me he wanted to have oral sex on me. What do I do? I felt so trapped. I didn't understand why my dad would say such terrible things to me.

It was right after this happened that my dad became forceful with me. I was wearing a brand new pair of jeans that caught my dad's eye. He came up behind me and shoved his hand right down the front of my pants. I struggled to get away, and as I did the button popped off. I yelled at my dad for ripping my new pants, then he yelled at me for resisting him. He quickly took me to the store to replace them before Mom would get home and continued yelling at me on the way.

That night my mom had to go out, leaving me home with my dad. I was in my bedroom when he came in. I could just see the look in his eye was not good. He ordered me to lie on the bed and not disobey him. I was scared, confused, and remembered how mad he was at me earlier. So I did as I was told. My dad took my pants off and had oral sex on me. I just stared at the ceiling and cried. I didn't know what to do really. I was in high school. I had to worry about so many things. I didn't know how to deal with my dad.

After the first few times, he threatened me if I would not let him do what he wanted to me. Then I just let him do it without complaining. It was the same thing every time. He would take my clothes off and kiss me all over my body, followed by oral sex. Then he would either masturbate himself or rub against me until he ejaculated. Then he would hug me and tell me he loved me, how he needed to have me, then leave me there to get dressed. I was never asked to touch him, and he never had actual intercourse with me, although he did touch his genitals against mine.

It happened for around a year, every chance he got, always the same way. I would cry almost every time he did it to me. I can't explain the utter shock I was in while he molested me. That year in my life was just a blur. I was always ashamed. I felt exposed in front of everybody. I hated it when people would be over and my dad would talk about me. Every time he looked at me he had that lustful look that I still cringe at when I think about it today.

But sometimes I feel like I am fortunate. I know it could have gone on longer, and I know I could have been raped, and may have if my dad didn't have heath problems. I read some of the stories here and cry at the physical abuse that some have endured. I know how strong those survivors are.

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