Child Abuse Story From Megan

by Megan
(Location Undisclosed)

My story begins when I was 5 years old. I was molested by an older cousin (female) who is 9 or 10 years older than myself. It started off as watching pornographic movies, and then she began to want to mimic what was going on.

I remember the first time it happened. We were staying at my grandmother's house on the weekend and we were sleeping in the same bed. She rolled over on top of me and began to rub on my chest. At that time of course I did not have anything.

The second time I remember is again at my grandmother's house. It was it was during the day when everyone was at work and she was babysitting me. She took off all my clothes and her clothes and got on top of me and started rubbing herself against me. Then she had me get on top of her and do the same. The one thing that sticks out in my mind about this incident is that when she was on top of me I looked up at her and her eyes were looking down at me so hard and she asked me, "Does it feel good?" I will never forget the emotions I felt all at the same time: confused, scared, ashamed. I truly believe her question started my nineteen years of depression.

The last time anything happened, me and my mother had gone to my grandmother's house. She was there as well. We went into the back room and she lifted her shirt for me to touch her breast. I said no. I remember asking if she was mad at me and actually feeling sad. Nothing ever happened again after that, and nothing was ever said about it. Life just went on and we became like best friends. It wasn't until I got older, like around 14 and 15 years old that I realized I was molested. What was so killing about it was that I loved her so much and looked up to her and wanted to be like her.

Most of my childhood I was angry, moody, and liked to isolate myself. Growing up to a teenage girl, all I wanted to do was have sex. I lost my virginity to a boy I barely even knew at 16. And then from 18 to 20 years old I had sex with over 30 guys. Looking back on it, I realize it stemmed from my unresolved issues from being molested. Now I'm 24 years old and just now starting to deal with the pain and trying to let it go. It's very hard. I have never told my parents about it, and probably never will.

I hope my little story gives someone some type of light at the end of a very dark tunnel that this horrible monster can create.

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