Child Abuse Story From Mathew
by Mathew
(Canada)
I don't know anything about writing a story , or even telling mine at least . I guess I'll start by saying that my name is Mathew and I am a survivor of child abuse . I can't remember the exact time my abuse started , but all I know is that its been the biggest part of my life , it has shaped me into the person I am today .
My earliest memories is that of being a happy child , I loved to explore things and was fascinated with the outside world . My dad was a alcoholic always liked drinking alone , and an extremely emotionally abusive man . The words that he would call me don't really matter in this tale of mine , for I don't think it will help anyone reading this .
As I start to get a little bit older I remember certain good qualities about my father , like him taking me to work with him during the weekends , him making backyard skating rink during winter , camping for weeks all over Canada in our motorhome.
When I was around 5 things started going from bad to worst . My dads drinking increased , he started to turn violent towards my older sister and me , and became more emotionally abusive to my mother . He never hit my mom , but would more than be willing to give me or my sister a back hand .
I don't remember my exact age when my older sister started to molest me . All I do recall is me and her sharing a room and after our mother tucked us in for the night , when the lights went out her crawling to my bed and whispering whispering those words that haunt me today " it will feel good if I touch you here. "
From the age of 5-11 she had absolute control of me . We started to get violent with each other , all the while my dads drinking and abusive nature excelled . My sister moved out of the house when I was 12 and put an end to the sexual abuse , but the side effects lingered with me for 2 decades after , and compounded with my dads emotional and physical abuse I became very shy , insecure , depressed teenager . I turned to drugs , and alcohol as an escape from the pain at a very young age . By the time I was 27 I could no longer deal with the pain . I blamed my drinking and drug abuse on all my lifestyle problems , all the while avoiding my problems of the physical , emotional and sexual abuse of my past . I started seeing therapists about my addictions and attending 12 step recovery meetings .
It took almost 2 years of going to meetings and to my therapist before I came to a realization that my addictions is just a symptom of the things in my life going wrong . Then it took me another 2 more years before I completely surrendered to the fact that I was abused as a child , I'm nothing like what my father called me , and there is nothing more in life that I should fear .
Being in recovery from my abuse , and accepting that there was nothing in the past that I could have done to change things has given me the most wonderful life I could have ever imagined . The abuse I've endured has come to defy me as who I am now , and once again I find myself being that happy little boy that is fascinated with the outside world once again !
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