Child Abuse Story From Mark1

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Child Abuse Story From Mark1

by Mark
(Iowa, USA)

Was abused when I was a child:
I was beaten from my dad with a belt or anything he had in his hand like a wrench—I was abused by my Boy Scout master, that I thought was a person you are suppose to look up to for advice, or a person you should be able to trust. He raped me many times, over and over. He said it would be our secret. He put me in his Will, gave me gifts. I was too afraid to tell my parents about what he did to me. I never told anyone for many years.

He took me on vacation with him to see his brother, which then both of them raped me together. My mom & dad thought he was a great Scout master.

I went into hard drugs and started drinking, tried many times to commit suicide just to relieve the pain I went through for so many years.

I'm 53 years old now and been married for 31 years, got 2 kids which were adopted. I watch them like a Hawk—everywhere they went, who they were going to see, made sure I met their parents.

I'm depressed, angry, have problems with high blood pressure. I think about suicide every day. Lost my sex drive, never want to have sex with my wife after what happen to me even many years ago. It's hard to let go and move on with my life. Hope nobody has to go through what I've been through.

Mark

Note from Darlene: The volume of contributor submissions has now made it impossible for me to comment personally (especially in great detail) on each and every contribution. If I haven't left you a comment or one that is in-depth, please do not take my lack of a personal response as a slight, or as a statement that your story is somehow unworthy of my time. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If there was a way for me to respond to all of you at length, I would.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

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Child Abuse Story From Mark1

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May 23, 2009

You can't do this alone...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mark, you need help dealing with the emotional residue. I urge you to seek out some form of counselling; there is no shame in doing so. You were abused and betrayed by someone you should have been able to trust, by someone your parents trusted. No one saw any signs that you were being molested. Your parents naively allowed this man to take you to a place where you were abused even more so. Regardless of the times, the red flags of concern should have been flying at full mast when that Scout master wanted to take you on vacation. Your father beat you with a belt; those beatings put you at risk for further abuse. You would have been so fearful of your father that you would not have dared tell him for fear of being blamed, of not being believed, or worse. Your body may have betrayed you while you were being assaulted. Mark, you must understand that it is perfectly natural for a young male to experience an erection and even an orgasm (females can also) while being sexually assaulted. That does not mean the sexual assault did not take place. It DID! Those men were sexual predators. The Scout master was with the Scouts because it gave him access to young boys. And your parents failed to protect you and keep you safe from harm. Knowingly or not, they enable the abuse. None of what happened was your fault. None of it. Fault lies on the shoulders of your molesters.

It isn't that you want to die; you want to be out of pain. But you have 2 children who depend on you; they need you in their lives. But even more importantly, Mark, is that those men robbed you of your innocence when you were a helpless young boy. They took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities. You had no power or control back then, but you have power now. The trouble is, each and every day you give up that power to those sex offenders when you say you want to die. Mark, you are no longer being offended against. That's in your past. These men can no longer harm you. Your thoughts are now what's harming you. I know that sounds simplistic, but it really does boil down to just your thoughts. Please, pick up the phone and contact someone about counselling. You didn't deserve to be abused and mistreated. You certainly deserve help dealing with the repercussions of being abused. You're worth it, Mark.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 23, 2009

great courage, great site. alot to live for . don't quit
by: maurice

Mark 1. it is great you had the courage to write your childhood experiences of being abused. If only the people who abuse could know the pain they caused you internally and bodily. You have met a true friend companion on your life's journey your wife of 31 years. Who in turn have given life and hope to your two children. Let them be your will to live knowing you care, love and protect them from the awfulness of abuse. Darlene is ever so understanding of each of our sharing our abuse stories. I hope she will remain faithful to making her genuine sincere loving comments to all her visitors. She gives you a sound advice platform for you to take one day at a time. live it to the full by seeking the help she knows you need at this time in your life. Don't let the years of you being abuse get you down. Don't You Quit because you have so much to live for. Seeing your children safe and well settled in their own lives should be your aim and priority. so set yourself that goal taking one day at a time. Say I can do it, I will do it, I must do it firstly for my own peace of mind and happiness and then for my wife/partner/friend and my two love children. Think positive, act positive, Be positive and U'll accomplish anything you want. Be gin to get a good mirror image of yourself. Your wonderful and beautiful in your own right Mark 1.

May 23, 2009

Another page to view on this site...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mark, I thought you might like to know that I just now posted a healing story from another contributor that might be helpful to you. If you haven't already clicked onto it through another source, you'll find it at Michael's story of healing.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 23, 2009

You are not alone
by: Linda Settles

I know you wish no one else had to go through what you did, Mark. But the truth is many of us have expereinced sexual abuse and other forms of mistreatment. Some of us reach out for help, and then reach out to help others heal. Your letter tells me you are on the healing path--and your statement that you hope no one else had to go through what you did, tells me you care about others.

Those who have experienced the agony of abuse are the most qualified helpers for others who are still in the midst of their pain, or even in cycle of abuse.

Get the help you need, my friend, to rise above the pain of your past. Help is available. You owe it to yourself, your loved ones, and other survivors who are waiting in the wings for the wisdom you can share with them as you work your way through the after-effects of abuse.

God bless you on your healing journey,

Linda Settles

May 26, 2009

Trying To Heal:
by: Mark1

My concerns are its very hard to let go of my feeling after all being abused as a child took away my whole child life,not able to live my life as a child,playing like a nommal kid does,trying to make friends in school,who do you trust any way.Did'nt trust no one,kept to myself,never really had many friends growing up except my drugs buddy,or drinking buddy's.{My life Suck's}--Can't change things,Never really got to play games,fly a kite,play catch,laugh,,,,all I got to do is cry alot,and still do,now a day its all you hear on the news,tv,ect. about kids being abused,they need to hang them by there penis.Sorry so dam mad with life,My mind in space most of the time,Very depress,talk to who,been lock up in the nut house for telling I'm going to commite sucide at work,did see a person about my problem,most of the time told don't worry so much,you will be ok,give it some time,or don't tell your kids your depress,don't want them to worry now,WOW...Better off dead,commited sucide is the best way,overdose of medicine,been trying to heal now about over 30 some years now,still there,must relive my pain I'm suffering bye bye everyone,hope someone can help you,oh sorry I wrote so much,Mark1

From Darlene: Mark, I've moved your comment to this thread as it is more in keeping with your story.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 26, 2009

So much pain...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mark, you don't want to die; what you want is to be out of pain. You lived through terrible abuse. You had no power or control at the time because you were a child. As a child, the adults in your life had all the control; and they abused it so badly. You HAVE the power and control now. Take it back. The abuse is in your past. It's your thoughts about the abuse that are "killing" you now. You already lived through the worst of it. No one can hurt you now, except you. Please, Mark, read through the comments I've written to so many of the people who have shared their stories here. Don't read the stories themselves if that's too hard, but read the comments. Apply them to yourself. What would be so sad is to have been abused all that time, and then to take your own life because of that abuse from 30 years ago. The only thing sadder than living 30 years in pain because of what happened all those years ago is living one more day of it. Your abusers are worth giving up your power to them. You're the one who is worthy. You're the one who is deserving of dignity and respect. Start by reclaiming your power, Mark. It's yours for the taking.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 01, 2009

"Healing"
by: Mark1

First I want to thank all the people that's try giving me support in trying to change my life and move on with my life now,forget all my bad times I suffered in my younger years of being abused,It's over now move on,change your way of thinking,you can do it,believe in yourself,,But how can I forget,it's still there,like it was yesterday,you never really forget a thing like this when it happens to you or a love one.I've seen lots of Doctor's,been on so many different kinds of medicine,I've tried to commit suicide many times now,but keep waking up still here,There's a another person inside of my body that won't let me make the right way to turn,My life been a total "Hell" to me all my life,never making friends,or being a kid,having fun as a child would do,because of my problems,you tell me forget about my problems like others Doctor's tell me every time I would see them?I anger with my Life,My sex life was never good,depressed most the time,don't really like going no where in large public places,Don't trust no one anymore,I don't want to live the rest of my life like this no more,sit and rock,Boring?I just can't handle this no more I'm sorry,,,Sorry everyone that's trying to help me,I've Cried everyday Hoping For A Better Day,,When its my turn to have fun and smile,fly a kite,play on a swing-set,go fishing with a friend I can trust being with.

From Darlene: I'm certainly not telling you to "forget", Mark, and I don't believe anyone who visits here is really meaning that either. I know only too well that forgetting isn't possible. What IS possible is to change the way you think. You have that power now, the power that was taken away from you in your childhood. Take that power back. The next time you think negative thoughts about yourself, change them to positive thoughts. At least it's a start.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 01, 2009

thinking of you. returned to read your story
by: maurice

Mark1 Don't you quit, you'll be the winner over those two B's who ruined your life all those years ago now. You sure are very much aware of what it has done to you all through your years. how right you are letting go of horrific experiences and beatings ain't one bit easy. Scars of those years linger on and on. LOVE is the medicine to let the disappear each time they surface. Love of yourself, love of your beautiful wife, LOVE of those two beautiful Children. Mark1 you have so much to live for. Live well, laugh alot and LOVE MUCH. Get professional help and advice, Think positive, think of ways that will lift you up rather than make you feel depressed, suicidal, make your blood pressure sore high. I am sure Mark 1 between all 4 of you you'll find the ways. keep it simple, do simple fun things together. Love is in the air. With a little help from your lovely wife I am sure that your sex drive will rise to natural proportions again. Don't give up, don't you quit. You have three very important people to live for. Rape and being beaten with that belt happened a the most innocent time of your life, you being ever so vulnerable. Mark 1. Say over and over again IT WAS NOT MY FAULT Those two men ruined my natural growth of my beautiful BODY. Mark 1 in the mirror please beautify your body especially the parts that were abused and bruised. Soothe and have them soothed gently away into oblivion. just see your beautiful body. Then and Now. It is helpful even for us males to be nice to our bodies. I am 62 years of age.

Jul 04, 2009

Build a Bridge
by: Linda Settles

Okay, Mark. I know what you've been through. I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by my father from the age of five until I finally fled for my life at 33. I know we've lost our childhood. Worse yet, we lost our focus. When we focus on the bad things of the past we give up in despair. Those years were horrible, the abuse took so much from us, but we are alive. We survived.
Now it's time to get rid of the "learned helplessness." It's time to get yourself into a support group and give it all you've got.
Who are you Mark? You are who you choose to be. You can be a victim the rest of your life, and yes, you can even choose to die--the ultimate victimization. Is that what you want?
Who are you Mark? Are you a victim or a survivor? I was a victim. I shed that role to become a survivor. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Not on our own. A loner will never make it. We need people -- and people need us.
It's not about what you feel. Your success from this point on depends on what you do. Not feel. Do. The feelings will follow.
I suggest you check out Celebrate Recovery--a faith based 12 step program that deals with hurts as much as habits. (There is one in almost every community--go online at home or at your local library or Kinko's and google Celebrate Recovery--you'll find a list).
Do you have the energy, Mark, the fortitude, to get up and start walking the road to recovery? Take a step in the right direction. You can do it. The question is--will you?

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Child Abuse Story From Mark1

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