Child Abuse Story From Marie

by Marie
(Massachusetts, USA)

Yale, CalTech, Superior, Dad: 
My ex-husband's abuse was of me (wife) and of our oldest daughter. The abuse was emotional and eventually physical. I believe that he has an enormous and unhealthy need to one, be superior to everyone around him, and two, to have only his needs and his opinions heard, spoken, or implemented. His need to be the top dog is so strong that even compliments of him threaten him and cause him to utter put-downs to the complimenting person, just to keep them below him in the hierarchical world he clings to maintain. Even today, post-divorce, just after the story of Jennifer Hudson's tragic losses, my oldest daughter herself said to me, "Mom, what Dad did to you and me wasn't anything compared to what happened to J. Hudson's family; what Dad did wasn't abuse."

One day on the way to a ski mountain, Dad asked daughter to put her ski boots on. Two minutes later he snapped "What's wrong with you, they're not on," and he threw his right arm around and hit her so hard on her thigh, she wrote in her journal that she thought her leg was broken. But she desperately held back the tears.

A few months later, we were at Cape Cod. It was winter. The kids played the game where you run close to the waves and run backward away from them as they threaten to soak your feet. The waves won once, soaking daughter's feet. In the car, daughter was crying. Dad pulled over saying, "Get out of the car and walk home." Mom got out too. Dad eventually was embarrassed and let them back in the car. He later pinned her against the desk, causing a scar on her back that lasted a year. She wouldn't show it to anyone.

He called me a loser. He told me I wasn't sorry when I apologized for saying things that upset him. He threatened to put me in jail, even on Christmas morning. He wrote letters that alienated his parents and mine for several years each. He hated all of our neighbors, and actively drew lines saying, "Do not cross", and put string out delineating our property line, and he dumped leaves on the other guys' property, all to show how his property is more important than getting along. He wrote my friend whose daughter bullied my younger daughter, alienating my friend from me until I reached out and repaired that. Even now he forces his ways on us, and our parenting coordinator doesn't seem to see a problem with this. Even to her, I seem to be the problem, not him.

I let him do whatever he wanted, as that was the only way to keep him from being angry at me or us. My opinions or desires were never good enough, so I never pushed. Until he started yelling at me how horrible I was, or what (untrue) things I had said or done. Since both he and his mother had told me to be stronger, I corrected him. Of course, this made fights. Standing up for myself was not good.

Eventually he left, but only after he had completely decimated my and daughter 1's confidence.

I really want to send the years of exact words from his mouth to a movie producer. I loved the movie Enough; this is how I feel. But, I think the subtleties of Emotional Abuse would be brought to light through a movie version of his actual words, my idiotic and fearful allowance of his put-downs and demands, and would be done with the hope that survivors of this could acknowledge their scars and let the rest of the world know that they should not be afraid to intervene. They could literally save someone's life.

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