Child Abuse Story From Margaret
by Margaret
(Texas, USA)
It's such a long story - I don't know where to start. My mother was mentally ill and unable to care for my 2 sisters and me. I remember the day Child Protective Services came and took us away. I was 10 years old. After that day, my mother was placed in a mental institution for about 6 months. During this time, my grandparents made arrangements for one sister and I to go and live in another town with some distant relatives. The oldest sister had since ran away (this became a life long pattern for her). The night before we were going to live with relatives, a couple who were friends with my grandparents came over for dinner. My grandfather drank so much that night he passed out early in the evening. My grandmother had also been drinking heavily that night. This couple had suggested to my grandmother that my sister and I go home with them for a few days. Well, a few days became a few weeks. Before we realized it, my sister and I were calling these people mom and dad.
Eventually my sister and I were adopted by this couple about a year later. On the outside, we looked like the perfect family. (There were some good times.) We had a huge two-storey home, brand new boat, lake cabin, and everything a kid would want except love, acceptance and a feeling of belonging. My step-mother began physically abusing my sister and I (and a biological child of her own) immediately. I can remember one night, my mother became so enraged over my sister not standing up for herself - she tackled my sister to the floor and was hitting her with her fists in her face. My sister was trying to put her hands in front of her face to protect herself. My dad had to drag my mom off of her. I can remember my little sister crying and screaming for my mom to stop. This would be the beginning of many of my mother's rages.
When I turned 18, I ran away from them, from my past and from all the pain I had suffered. I actually blocked out all those memories for years. They are just now really surfacing (I'm 45 years old). I have been in denial for all this time and still fight the feeling that my parents didn't do anything wrong. Deep down in my heart, I know they messed up, but I still have a way of blaming myself. I have been on a long road of self-destructive behaviour and am still trying to work through this. It's funny as I'm telling you my story - I feel as though I am writing about someone else.
When I was 18, I really starting rebelling. My whole personality changed. I had written some bad checks and my parents took turns beating me. My mom would beat me so hard until she had no breath or energy left. She would then hand the belt to my dad and he would take over. I can remember seeing the welts come up on my legs and then I had the strangest feeling. The pain stopped. My mind literally went somewhere else. They were still beating me but I couldn't feel any more pain.
Reply from Darlene: Margaret, it's not at all unusual for a woman in her 40's to begin to remember "blocked out" memories. You have reached a point in your life where your brain and body are telling you that you are now emotionally strong enough to deal with what you have suppressed; what you had to suppress in order to survive all these years. Give yourself the credit you deserve. You are a survivor, a survivor triumphant.
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