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Child Abuse Story From Lyndsey G

by Lyndsey G
(England)




From as young as i can possibly remember until the age of about 13 i was sexually abused by my uncle - the husband of my Aunty (mams sister). I was a very shy and withdrawn child and have always suffered with confidence issues - i put all of this down to him and what follows.

He would expose himself to me , masturbate infront of me, get me to touch him and he would touch me. He got braver as the years passed. He even did it when my aunty and cousin were in the house. I always knew when it was going to happen, he would change from his jeans to jogging bottoms so that he could quickly pull them up if he heard someone coming.

i loved going to my auntys house but hated him being there. He worked on the oil riggs and i would try and only visit when he was not there. It did not work though, my mam would tell me to stop being silly, dont spoil her night out etc as she would have no baby sitter.

He took the lock off the bathroom door at their house so that he could walk in when i was in the bath, he would come in what was my bedroom at their house to visit me during the night.

i was continually told by him that it was my fault, that i would be in trouble if i told, that no one would believe me, that i was dirty and digusting. He ruled my childhood and teens. At the age of about 14 i had enough of it and it was tell or end my misery myself, i sat in the bath at home one night and wrote a letter to one of my teachers telling them what had happened, i put it in an envelope to take to school the following day. I pushed it under the door of the teachers office and ran. I was so scared i was going to be in so much trouble. I went back to the office to try and retrieve it but it was too late the teacher was there.

i got called to the teachers office not so long after that and asked about what i had wrote, one of the other teachers was there aswel as she was the "child protection" teachers. They put me in the library by myself while they called my mam and dad into school, told them what had happened then gave us a lift home. What happens after this is just as bad, all my mam said to me about this was "im not reporting it because your aunt (his wife) is not well and could not cope with it". So that was that, nothing happened apart from i did not have to go back to that house any more, but he lived straight opposite my school and would sit there every day watching me. My aunt was never even told about it and he was not confronted about it. i still felt as bad and as alone in the world as i did in the first place, i felt not believed.

at the age of 15 my dad died suddenly after an operation, he was my world. I was very close to my father and have never been close to my mam, she is anything but maternal. A few month later my mam threw me out and i had no where to go other than my cousins house (the son of THAT uncle). I got housed by the council a few month later but during that time had to put up with my uncle visiting the house, when my cousin was away at work (the Navy) my uncle would come and let himself in the house knowing i was there alone.



when i was 18 i found out my cousin had a baby girl, i knew i had to say something as if anything happened to her it would be my fault. So i told my aunty and she went off it with me, she even got the police onto me saying that she wanted me "done" for lying. I told the police what had happened, they took a statement and nothing else happened.

a few yrs later when i had my own son i again contacted the police with the support of my midwife, the police scared the living daylights out of me about what may / may not happen, they were not at all supportive and told me that it was just my word against his, no physical evidance and he would probs get away with it. I couldnt put myself through that for nothing so withdrew my statement.

in the last few yrs it has came out that it was not just me , there was 6 of us that i know of, my elder brother being one of them , he is 11yr older than me, if he said something it may never have happened to me or the others. I have suffered with depression my whole life because of this man, i hate him with everything. He destroyed my life. I had a bad relationship with my sons father, he was alcoholic and violent, when i ended the relationship the depression landed again, i was off work for a while. As a result my employment from the local authority where i had worked for 9yrs was ended. I could not pay my mortgage, my house was reposessed, and i was made bankrupt. its only in the last 2yrs (im now 29) that i have started to build my life back up. He still lives in the same house beside the same school living with my aunt.

my aunt and mam had an argument a few wks ago (i speak to neither of them - none of my family infact) and the issue was raised about me being a liar ! after all these yrs my brother eventually decided to tell my aunt what happened to him. she went to the doctors and told them, the GP wanted to contact the police but she would not let him. she is still living with him but the house is now for sale. I wish he were behind bars and shown for what he is, what he has done to me and the effect it still has on my life.

sorry its so long, just felt like i had to spill it all out.




Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coachNote from Darlene: If I have not left a comment on your story, please understand that it is not personal; it's just that my hectic schedule no longer permits me to do so.

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Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Lyndsey G

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Oct 03, 2011
Lyndsey:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The adults in your life were to blame: the pedophile and the enablers. Children are NOT enablers. Enablers are adults. These are adults who can do something to actually protect a child from harm. Not telling does not make a child responsible for the sexual assault of another, or the sexual assaults they themselves endure. When I speak to this issue directly to the minor child who has not told, it's to prevent that child from growing up blaming themselves for the abuse of another, blame that isn't there's to bear. You were not to blame, Lyndsey, just as all the pedophile's victims were not to blame. Blame lies squarely on HIS shoulders because he chose to sexually abuse each of his victims. HE was the one with all the power, power his misused. He took advantage of your youth, your vulnerabilities, and what he knew would be the family line. Your mother and aunt not only enabled the abuse, they turned a blind eye, making it easy for this pedophile to find and assault other victims. There HAD to be clues for your aunt to see, clues she ignored. Do what is necessary as a full-fledged adult to prevent others from being victimized. I also suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions of the betrayal and abandonment by the pedophile, your mother, your aunt, and the school for not pursuing the matter through the authorities. Rather than contact your parents, the correct protocol would have been to contact Child Protective Services for them to investigate. Your mother making this decision was wrong on many levels. Everyone failed you, Lyndsey. I agree that this all ruled your childhood. But that doesn't have to be a life sentence. Now, in your adulthood, you can choose the path you're going to take, a choice you didn't have as a child. The path to healing and recovery is one each of us must select for our Selves. Don't take the torch from the adults who failed you. You know you're not the liar; THEY are. They tell themselves these lies so they don't have to deal with the truth of it all, and how they were complicit. Treat your Self in the way that no one treated you before: with dignity, respect and love. You've taken the first step along the path by writing your story here. Take the next step with counselling. You're too worthy not to. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Oct 04, 2011
I AM AMAZING: The Architect of my own Destiny
by: maurice

Please begin to believe this about yourself Lyndsey: With Darlene re-assuring words to you that none of what happened to you was your fault: I AM NOT TO BLAME: I MUST NOT KEEP BLAMING MYSELF All the adults must shoulder all the blame of taking away your dignity, your self respect, ruining your Self_Esteem from your childhood into your maturing years as a teen and adolecent: LYNDSEY: Pretty please STOP blaming yourself TODAY Darlene wrote to you from her heart: A woman's heart so she can fully empatise with you in all the abuse you had to endure: Your Uncle was apedophile, a child molester, a human giving into his animalistic tedendies: No self respecting human being would dare abuse children or adolecents or young adults: Thankfully a high % of humanity especially Parents: Mothers and Fathers of children are self respecting who love and cherish their children: Lyndsey Sadly Your mother enabled and condoned the actions of your Uncle: Like-wise the Teachers especially the one assigned to protecting children in your school: Lyndsey: You had the courage, you were very brave and you want to be helped that is clear from you finding Darlene's Safe Have Site: (Family of visitors) who can empatise with all you have written: Darlene truly speaks from her heart when she asks you to seek out some form of counselling to begin the process of healing from all the abuse you were put through: It was not my Fault: I am not to blame: Lyndsey one sure and c ertain way to build up your self-esteem is to share your giftedness, your tallents, your leadership qualities with others: So get out and about with your friends, fellow students, like-minded people your own age and gender having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Taking part in Team Sports, sporting and cultural activities: I assure you Lyndsey that you will make real friends for life: Have many aquaintances who will make you smile when you meet. I am amazing: The architect of my own destiny: I am Beautioful: Both inside and out: I am dynamic: Ever changing and ever growing: Lovable Exactly as I am: Valueable: I make a difference: UNIQUE: and UNREPEATABLE: Be gentle and kind with yourself and on your beautiful body Only you can appreciate that: I'M SPECIAL AND I LOVE ME. I will I can: I must because I am WORTH it.

Oct 04, 2011
Hidden Treasure
by: Deborah

Well said Maurice.
Lyndsey, you are a treasure.
Don't let any one tell you or treat you like you aren't any more.

Oct 04, 2011
Thanks for your kind words
by: Lyndsey

I just wanted to say thankyou for your kind words and taking the time to even reply. There has been a further development in relation to my mam. She kept going on and on about how my aunty was calling me a liar for what i had "accused" her husband of. I said i was going to ring her and tell her for myself what had happened and who else it had happened to, she said that i had to keep my mouth shut, that it has nothing to do with me to say anything, that she does not want it coming back to her for telling me what my aunty said, that if i did say anything she would have nothing more to do with me, she said that i had my chance years ago to do something about it and not to dare blame her for what happened.

Needless to say i have not spoken to my mam since, i got a lot of nasty text messages from her so i have changed my mobile number. I dont know if she or my aunt knew what was happening to me at the time, eventhough to me it was glaringly obvious, I hate that when i told the school that they did nothing, my mam did nothing as she didnt want to upset my aunt, and then she does this. I have washed my hands of her, she never protected me as a child even after finding out what happened, she allowed it to happen to others by not reporting him, in my eyes she has approved what he did and protected him by not doing anything about it.

I am currently seing a psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy, something that i have been on the waiting list for a few years.

Lyndsey xx

Oct 05, 2011
your life is precious
by: Jill

Lyndsey G,
It stinks doesn't it? Your Aunt is just as much the abuser as her husband. Your mom is also part of the deal. The police, yes them too. Your father, as much as he was the world to you, he didn't take responsibility for protecting you either. Crazy making bunch! They were all afraid of losing the "perfect family image".

You and other family/children who have come out about Uncle's sexual abuse and pedophiliac ways are all so extremely brave. You all know you are telling the truth and that the truth really matters to all of you. How extremely powerful you are!

Though your uncle belongs in prison and may never take responsibility for the horrible things he's done, inside he's a miserable child, as are your mom and aunt. They're avoiding their responsibility by clinging like mad to a false image which is their personal prison. Inside they've never grown up. You've matured beyond them. Leave the soap opera drama in your family behind.

Since they won't do it, you can solve these problems yourself. See yourself as separate from everything else. See that no one ever has the right to touch your body or abuse you, it belongs to you from now on. Take time to grieve. Let go of the hurt. Holding onto it causes depression, letting it go will set you free. See your uncle as a three year old tyke who can't stop bullying others. Your life is too precious for his nonsense. Do things in your life that have a positive effect every where you go. Spend time with mature people who care and are real about abuse.

Validate yourself, knowing that you matter and that you can make a difference in your life from now on. Be open about all of it so you can raise your own child in a safe, protected, loving home. All the stuff in the world doesn't matter as much as that! Your past doesn't have to define your future. Though you couldn't depend on adults in your life as a child, you have the power be the adult you and your son can depend on!

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