Child Abuse Story From Luke

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Child Abuse Story From Luke

by Luke
(United Kingdom)

WARNING - DEPICTS DISTURBING VIOLENCE:
It started when I was 7. My dad had been drinking ever since I was a baby, but when I was 7 his drinking got worse and very soon he got violent. Day by day he became more and more violent. At first he shouted and said stuff like, "You're one big mistake" or "I will kill you". Then he started getting physical by pinning me up against the wall and slamming me on the floor. Then he ultimately started hitting me. I suffered in silence for 7 years. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. Neither did my poor mum, who tried to stop it but she is too weak to stop my dad from hurting me. Eventually I had enough and ran away but I was found only a day later, and my dad stopped the abuse for a while after he got a warning, but he kept on drinking and it all started again. I decided to take this matter into my own hands.

I started to pick up a knife when I was 12 and hide it up my sleeve just in case he got really violent. One day and eventually he did, and I nearly stabbed him when I was 14, but the police were called and they called in Social Services to help me and my dad. Things started to get better and I did forgive him for the abuse. But then a year later when I thought things were fine, he attacked again, this time with a knife of his own. I quickly grabbed a knife myself and just as he was about to stab me I got there first and stabbed him in the head. He survived but Social Services were called again to help us. The stabbing incident happened not long ago, back in November 2008.

At this moment while I'm writing my story I have to see a psychologist and social workers to help me, as my dad's abuse turned me a little bit mental. They are trying to get me and my dad to have a relationship again but:

THIS TIME I'M NOT FORGIVING MY DAD FOR TRYING TO KILL ME

Note from Darlene: As a violence and abuse prevention educator, I typically do not post stories that either depict or promote such violence. I've made an exception here because what Luke describes above is a very real consequence and effect of extreme child abuse: A growing number of children—adolescents, in particular—are resorting to such measures in order to protect and/or defend themselves against physical attacks. See my article titled Parricide is a Child Abuse Effect for more information on this emergent tendency in young child abuse victims.

Darlene's comments to this "Child Abuse Story From Luke" can be found at Comments below this submission. Depending on system activity, there are sometimes delays in comments going live on my site; but rest assured, they do eventually appear. So if you don't yet see them, I hope you will return later to read what I, and possibly others, have written. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

Email addresses, phone numbers, home addresses AND website/blog URLs in visitor comments are STRICTLY prohibited, and could result in being banned from making further comments on this site.

Comments for
Child Abuse Story From Luke

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Feb 04, 2009

The effects and aftermath of extreme child abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Luke, after you had shown your abusive father remarkable compassion, he callously disregarded your loving forgiveness by carrying on as he had before; it was the ultimate in betrayal. I understand your rage. Your father's attacks against you were despicable and unwarranted. They put you in the unthinkable position of having to defend yourself against such attacks. You were dealing with extraordinary circumstances. And now you must deal with the aftermath of those circumstances and the eventual outcome.

I'm very glad to learn that you are seeing a psychologist in order to help you both deal with the abuse you endured, and also focus on the way in which you eventually had to defend against a physical knifing attack. As justified as you were in protecting yourself, it's important to get help in order for you to understand how easy it would be to cross the line into revenge and/or inappropriate actions.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I wish you all the best in your sessions and in your future. You certainly deserve the best.

You'll notice I removed your email address from public view, Luke. Since I have no way of knowing exactly who is visiting here or what their motives are, I do not permit personal information to be disclosed. Email addresses, phone numbers, etc., are strictly prohibited in order to ensure the safety of all who visit here. If visitors would like to get in touch with you, they can only do so through the comments form for your story on this site. You too can leave comments here and reply to anyone who decides to leave you a few words. Just go to the "Click here to add your own comments" link near the bottom of this page to do so. I thank you for your understanding.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 04, 2009

My GOD
by: Anonymous

So disturbing and so difficult to imagine having to go thru this. Stay in counseling. Your dad should be in jail.

Feb 04, 2009

What a World!
by: Linda

Luke, I am truly sorry for the childhood you have had! But, I have learned the hard way, violence doesn't end a problem, it only makes it worse. It is not your fault the way your father was, with the alcoholism and violent temper he carried out on you. I hope you are recieving the emotional help you desperately need. I know you were defending yourself against your father, but if you had killed him, he would have won the fight, anyway. Because you would have ended up in prison with no life to live. This is one messed up world we live in today. Satan is running rampant and destroying lives. I hope you get your mind straight and move on. Darlene gave me some good advice when I posted my abuse story on this website. I had given up and was wanting my life to hurry up and end I was in so much pain. Today I am better and I became a christian. I admire and repect Darlene Barriere for her help. Please think about her advice and try to move on and........away from your father. He needs some, very serious help for his problems!... You are in my prayers......Linda

Feb 04, 2009

OMG
by: Anonymous

Just terrible what some parents are capable of. I'm with Anonymous above, stay in counselling Luke.

Feb 05, 2009

Wow!
by: Francine

That is just crazy!

Feb 10, 2009

ohhh my god.
by: Anonymous

i agree with everyone else.
you should stay in counseling and your father should be in jail.

Feb 11, 2009

Thank You
by: Tahlia

I admire your courage in sharing your story. I wish you love and support.

Mar 30, 2009

I dissagree with you Darlene
by: Kat

'Note from Darlene: As a violence and abuse prevention educator, I typically do not post stories that either depict or promote such violence.'

I don't really understand how can you describe Luke's Story as promoting violence. Promoting!
The kid didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act, why his father act like that towards him. How can you write such thing Darlene? It was Luke's natural instinct, he was defending himself!!!

It was the only thing he could do, to take a knife and try to defend himself! What do you expect him to do? Wait for his father to kill him actually? In the name of what? A 14 years old abused child supposed to know that violence is not an answer?!!!!
Promoting violence! Now that was absolutely disgusting to write. I can't believe my eyes.

Mar 30, 2009

To Kat:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kat, I think you got stuck on the first line of my paragraph. Perhaps you didn't read the entire paragraph I wrote to my visitors. Perhaps you didn't read what I wrote to Luke.

What you don't understand, Kat, is that I receive dozens of stories from visitors each week who DO promote violence and relish in that violence, over-the-top violence. And I'm not talking about the violence of defending oneself. What you don't understand is that when I post one story that depicts violence, it generally spurs on a rash of stories that are completely inappropriate. I wrote what I did, not to discredit what Luke did to defend himself (read my comments to him; I think I've made my position clear about his personal situation in those comments), but rather, to discourage other visitors from sending me stories of how they've used knives and guns and other objects to murder their parents and left them sliced up or other such gruesome details. What you don't know, Kat, is just how many inappropriate stories I receive each and every day.

Carry on if you must about what I wrote, but until you are on my end of the computer, reading of blood and guts and gore day in and day out, don't be too quick to judge.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 31, 2009

Quick to judge?
by: Kat

'Kat, I think you got stuck on the first line of my paragraph. Perhaps you didn't read the entire paragraph I wrote to my visitors. Perhaps you didn't read what I wrote to Luke.'

Darlene, perhaps you didn't really think that many people read about what abuse survivers wrote here and how many people dissagree with what happened to them. You wrote what you wrote directly under Luke's Story and now you are trying to 'instruct' me how to read? Did I put such words d i r e c t l y under Luke's story? If you have any concerns about the content of a story, maybe would be wiser to put it after reassuring words for abuse surviver.

But of course, it's your website and not my duty is 'to teach you a lesson' how to put a n y text in here.

'What you don't understand, Kat, is that I receive dozens of stories from visitors each week who DO promote violence and relish in that violence, over-the-top violence.'

I really don't care much about violent stories you receive, every case is different, and Luke's was simply n o t the case you are writing about now. That's why I react.

By the way, if you really receive so many violent stories, maybe there should be a place for people who have such feelings to share in here.

You are not responsible for people who have for example the needs to read such stories (and enjoy).

But maybe you don't understand, that abuse evokes not only 'God bless you and may you find Christ on your way' reactions, but also anger, rage and so on.

We simply dissagree here and really If you think you did ok that's ok, no need for patronizing. But it's not you who chooses actual feelings which needs to be shared. No place in here for rage? So maybe this wbsite is not really for victims and their real feelings, because some are not alowed to share.

Shall we continue? I won't say 'if you must', rather - if you need.

Mar 31, 2009

To Kat:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've had your say, Kat. I've posted it and replied. The truth is, you don't have a clue about what I receive in submissions. Your suggestion to post the ones I was referring to in my reply would be absurd and would undermine what I do on this site. Like I said, you have no idea of the context of such submissions. I doubt very much that most of my visitors would want me to post something along the lines of a Columbine massacre from the perspective of the one holding the gun. If you don't like what I do here, then you don't have to come here.

This comment thread is for Luke, not for a back and forth with me. I won't discuss this any further. Nor will I post any additional comments that are not directed at Luke. Comments that would validate and encourage him are appropriate, not comments that continue to debase me for the way I operate my site.

Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 02, 2009

wow
by: Anonymous

Dear luke,
I think that you are totally right to not forgive him. you tried to give him a second chance and he threw the trust you gave him right out of the window.

May 03, 2009

wow
by: Anonymous

it always amazes me what little rights minors have to protect themselves. your father should be locked away. his anger is uncontrollable. i'm glad everyone in your family is getting help.
just my 2 cents: forgiveness releases you. forgiveness does not have to mean reconciliation.
good luck. be encouraged. you are a precious gift that your father is throwing away...

Oct 11, 2009

I Associate With Your Pain...
by: John

And I hope you find the secret to letting it go.

Luke,
I wish you were not put in the position of having to use deadly force. However, I am glad that you have enough self esteem to protect "The Temple" (your body). This is not something you need to be ashamed of, but coming to terms with it can be very difficult.
I am now 46, but when I was 7 I moved with my brother to a place where my mom had decided to live with her new boyfriend (read drunken child abuser).
I was beaten from day one. When I was about 10 I found his rifles and ammunition. I kept a few rounds of ammunition in a secret place in case he became too violent. I prayed he would become too violent so that I would have the guts to end his life, because this was the only thing that would end the abuse. You see, my mother watched it all, said nothing and then abandoned me so she could soothe my drunken abuser. It never happened! In fact, every time he beat me, I died so that he could live. I still haven't learned to let go of the pain he grew in the gardens of my heart.
All I can offer to you, is the old age experience that it is best to rip out those weeds of anger and toss them on the trash heap.
I wish you good luck in your journey, and may life bring you love, joy and wonder.

Be well,
John

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Child Abuse Story From Luke

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