Child Abuse Story From Lucy

by Lucy
(Location Undisclosed)

I am 21 years old and was abused so badly as a child that I used to cut myself and tried to commit suicide, but survived. I am Asian, and in Asian culture, physical and emotional abuse is normal for discipline. I had heard my father was beaten when he was a child when he didn't "listen".

I remember my first beating. I was 12. Me and a couple friends when to a nearby building, found some paint and put our hand prints on the building walls. We were still in elementary school. Yes, it was stupid. Someone found us and told our parents. My dad beat me with a stick taller than me in front of my whole family and a guest until I bruised all over my back down to my toes.

When I got into junior high, I started hanging out with "trouble" kids. I started smoking, stealing, smoking marijuana. My dad would slap my face until I had a nosebleed. He would tell me to go wash the blood off. Then he would yank my hair, take me to the basement and make me get into a push up position and beat me with broom, bat, metal stick...I would bruise so bad that I couldn't change for gym. I used the "I have my period" excuse. He would only leave bruises where clothes would cover it up. This did not stop me from anything, I just did more to cope.

My mom was around. At first, she would try to stop my dad. But I guess what I did was so anti-social to her standards that later on, she would stand and watch.

Physical abuse was what I was able to cope with. Emotional wasn't. He would curse at me and make me feel like I was worthless. The cursing I could not handle. He used every single curse word known, also called me whore and a prostitute for sticking up for my boyfriend, who my parents hated.

My mom made me cut my boyfriend's picture into pieces with a scissor in front of her. And cursed him out. Said he was a low-life scum who will never succeed in life. He was only 15. At this time he was all I had. I was able to cope with this abuse because he was there to comfort me afterwards. I cut myself and took over-the-counter pills and overdosed. I puked but I didn't die. Later I told my mom about this incident. She called me "a bitch" and said I was "f**king crazy". I was only 14.

Then my little brother started taking beatings as well. At times I would yell at my dad and said he was crazy for beating him. He was 6 years younger than I was. I said he was too young. His beatings started in elementary school when he wouldn't listen and acted stubborn. I would yell for him to stop, then I would take my little brother's beating.

I hate to say this, but during junior high and early high school years, when I was getting beaten by Dad, I beat my little brother too. When he would talk back to me, I would beat him. When he didn't listen, I beat him. But eventually I realized at least I shouldn't be doing that to my brother. My dad was enough.

I hated my dad so much that I wished he'd died. I told my friends if he died I would not go to his funeral. I went far away to college only to be away from him. I realized when I was 19 that I really didn't hate him anymore. That I actually understood what he did. To protect me from not becoming a drug addict or high school dropout. Maybe that's what I have myself believe. He called me a couple months ago crying, drunk off his mind, telling me he was sorry for what he had done in the past and he only cared and loved. That's his excuse. I said I forgive him. My mom tells me ever since I went off to college he cries every time he drinks and tells her he feels sorry for what he had done to me.

However, my brother. I think abuse got to him. He rarely goes to school, tells nothing but lies. He smokes, does drugs. Hangs out with older kids only. I feel like I'm looking at myself but worse. I tried to talk to him but his response was, "I am not like you sis. I am not going to take the beatings quietly like you did. I'm different." He thinks friends are all he has. I threatened that I would not allow him to see his friends and he threatened to kill me if I even tried.

I know that my dad does not beat my brother anymore. My mom said he feels too badly about me that he doesn't beat my brother. However, I know the emotional abuse didn't stop. Last year my brother took an exam to be accepted into a specialized high school for gifted that me and my sister graduated from. He failed. My dad told him he was stupid, worthless and he should go die out in the streets.

My brother told my dad and my mom that it was the physical and emotional abuse that turned him into the delinquent that he is now. And I understand. However, my dad and my mom call my brother unthankful, horrible, crazy bastard for saying such things. Just like my mom called me when I tried to commit suicide.

They just don't understand. And now I think my father decided he will not speak, look, or have anything to do with my brother anymore. He thinks he tried everything and now he will try neglect. My mom is threatening to send him away to military boarding school. My brother tells me he wishes he was never born and wants to die.

I don't know what I am supposed to do about my brother. He is not being abused anymore to my knowledge, but the trauma he carries from childhood will keep causing him to choose the wrong path. I'm afraid it will lead to even illegal activities...or maybe even hurt himself.

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