Child Abuse Story From Loren

by Loren
(Virginia, USA)

Where was god? 
I've been a victim since birth. My mother left me when I was born. I was born a drug-addicted child. I was adopted 4 weeks after my birth. I was molested at a young age by both male and female babysitters. When my adoptive mother fell ill, I was too young to understand, but matured enough to know she could no longer care for me. I was 9 or 10 years old.

All my life, my older brother was emotionally abusive to me. He made me feel as if I was never a part of the family because I was adopted. I felt ashamed of being adopted and hated myself. He made me feel as if I wasn't good enough for him, so I'd try to impress him and make him proud to call me his little sister, but he never did. It was always "my mother, my wife, my family." I was never included.

At age 11, I was sent to live with an uncle in Virginia. He was a religious fanatic. He forced me to convert to the catholic faith. I was made to say prayers 3x a day and fast daily. If I refused, I would be beaten with a stick or slapped hard on my face. I lived in fear every day. He thought he was doing GOD'S will by abusing me. I would try to win over his acceptance and pride. I wasn't good enough for him. He never told me he loved me or cared. Every month, when he would get a check for my care, it was never used for my wellbeing. He never bought me clothes or anything. I was afraid to even ask if I could have anything as simple as candy.

He wouldn't take me to wash my clothes at the laundry-mat when I needed to, so I'd go around wearing dirty clothes until he felt like taking me. I was always terrified. School was an escape for me. It was easy for me to hide my emotions. I was a totally different person. No one would have ever guessed my home situation was bad. I didn't have any physical bruising or cuts. I told no one what was gong on.

The summer before my 7th-grade year, my uncle took me to Florida, and left me there with a family friend. He never came back for me. I was there 3 1/2 months. The school I had attended had told my uncle that if he didn't bring me back, I would be reported a missing person. A neighbor and her mother drive up to Florida to get me. When I came back to Virginia, my uncle gave up all his rights of me. He said he was afraid he might seriously hurt me, but the emotional damage was done. I was put in foster care from the age of 13-18.

At the age of 16, my foster kicked me out, and my social worker put me in a group home. I remained there for 3 years. I felt unwanted and unloved. I became abusive toward myself and others. I purged myself and self-mutilated. I would often sink into deep depression and became bipolar. I attempted suicide and was hospitalized several times. Eventually, I was put into a hospital for troubled adolescents and adults for 6 months. I recovered, but then relapsed once I returned to the group home. I was kicked out 3 months after my 18th birthday. Since I agreed to stay in foster care until my 21st birthday, I was put in another foster home, where I was emotionally and sexually abused. I reported them and left.

Eventually, I got out of foster care and tried to get my life together. Because of years of abuse, I always thought I wasn't good enough in relationships. At times, I abused my partners. I have self-doubt and low self-esteem issues. I am working on trying to overcome my past. I am 19 now and I have found someone to love me and understand my troubled past. He helps me overcome.

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