When children aren't heard... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster
Sandra, when adults believe ONLY other adults instead of actually listening to children, those children are at risk for all kinds of abuse. I would never dream of trying to destroy the love you feel for your grandmother; that's a bond that you treasure, a bond that you deserve to have. You didn't deserve to be beaten. You didn't deserve to be mistreated in any way.
I know what it's like to have a parent (or parent figure) purposely use lies in order to get others to call you a liar and punish you for those lies, and then to get what they want from you. My mother would laugh at me and tell me that people would always believe her, never me. She was right. Until one day when I was in grade 6...it was the first time anyone ever realized my mother used lies to get me into trouble and to further her own agenda. That day was among the top 10 turning points in my life. I will forever hold a special place in my heart for that person.
What must be understood is that children need to be listened to and heard. When the grownups in your life assumed you were a liar on the basis of Juancho's word, without looking further into the situations, without attempting to understand why there was always a difference between what he was saying and what you were saying, without questioning HIS motives and his agenda, they unwittingly reinforced his hold on you. They became involuntary accomplices. And this was made so much worse when you endured physical discipline, physical and emotional abuse as a result of an adult believing those lies. You didn't deserve to be abused, spanked or called names, REGARDLESS of whether or not you had lied. And we both know you DIDN'T lie; Juancho was the liar.
This isn't about blame, Sandra, nor is it about villainizing members of your family; that is not my intent. It's about taking what happened to you within your own family and using it as a teaching tool for others to use within their own lives. It's about all of us—children, youth and adults alike—learning a valuable lesson from the misery and betrayal you suffered. What I'm saying is that there can be purpose in the injustice you endured; a purpose that will help parents be better parents, and children to eventually become better parents themselves. That is turning pain into power.
Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.
Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
May 01, 2009
OMG by: Anonymous
Your uncle is a pervert. I'm so sorry.
May 02, 2009
I hear you! by: Bravebird
You know I am glad to hear a sister of trauma express her anger. You are soooo right to be enraged I can understand. He was a creep and he had no regard for your worth and reputation, to say the least. That is another way he hurt you. You are a truthful person, I can tell by the way you write. You deserve to be heard and believed! You are courageous and Right! They were wrong for hurting you. Thank you for sharing with me . It keeps me telling the truth and not living the lie.
