The word "normal" doesn't apply... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster
Sandra, I completely understand the need to forget. I also know that forgetting is not possible. And I can related to feelings of being overwhelmed.
You asked the not quite rhetorical question: "Is this normal?" I frequently see this question in the stories of those who were abused: Is it normal to feel a certain way, or is it normal to NOT feel at all?
"Normal" isn't a word we can use when it comes to child abuse and the repercussions of that abuse, and the way the survivor now feels about that abuse. The reason the word even comes to the forefront is because abuse victims want to believe they ARE normal, that they are NOT crazy.
I'm here to tell you, Sandra, that you are NOT crazy. The way you are coping with what happened to you is by shutting down your feelings. You do this because those feelings are too painful and overwhelming to deal with right now. This is common and understandable given what you were forced to endure. It was survival for you when you were a child; and now it has become commonplace and a "safe place" when you are threatened with becoming overwhelmed with the pain of it all.
Writing your story here can be extremely cathartic, Sandra. And the fact that you are doing so in manageable segments is a good thing. But I am concerned that you don't have the support of someone like a counsellor during these times. As you write of those painful experiences you will be transported back to that time and you will be flooded with the emotions that you felt at that time; and then you will try to shut yourself down in order to protect yourself from further emotional pain. But shutting down is no longer healthy for you. Please consider counselling to help you with this emotional pain. As I've stated before, you are so worth that kind of help.
Once again, I thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.
Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 03, 2009
Lonely Heart 4 (Sandra) Take your time, Be Brave. by: Maurice
Sandra, painful to you, continueing letting out and go the trauma of all you were put through by very cruel/sick people. the effects of having been abused are lingering on and on for you. Sadly they stay with us for longer than we want. If only, the ones who abused you could know the damage they caused when they put you through hell while using your Mam's status being from Columba so that they could do awful things to you. No No not natural or normal. Hi Sandra, Darlene's concern is that you seem to be ON YOUR OWN RELATING YOUR STORY. Please find a friend to sit with you, who will be your support, who will wipe away the tears and hug you when the need arises during your writing. Also YOU may need to talk it all through with a councellor who will put you in the right direction and bring healing to your tenderness of feelings around it all. Be Brave, be strong for yourself now. You are the most important person right now to be LOVED. Love your beautiful self, because you are. No one can take away the unique and special person each one is in GOD'S eyes. Created beautiful by him.
Apr 08, 2009
I'm sorry by: Ana Ruiz
As I read your story I can?t help but feel every emotion you ever felt and I wish there were something I could do to ease your pain. I'm sorry it took this long for me to come around and try to help you. I didn?t know how to before, but now that I'm here for you, I will not look the other way, I will stand by you and even carry you if necessary throughout your healing process. Don?t apoligize anymore! NO part of the abuse was your fault; on the other hand forgive us! Forgive me for not protecting you, not understanding you and at times even judging you. FORGIVE ME. I love you and I?m so proud of you for everything you are doing to help yourself. From now on, healing it?s the most important thing. I LOVE YOU, TE AMO, TE ADORO y TE E QUERIDO SIEMPRE don?t ever forget that! You have my unconditional support, respect and love. With all the love in the world your little sister, Ana
Apr 12, 2009
I understand by: Larissa
Sweetheart i'm thirty years this year and it has taken me so long to be able to sit here and read so many stories of abuse, i want you to know i understand so much of what you were feeling and what you were going through, my life was horriable nightmare, every morning i would wake up hopeing that i had dreamt all the abuse, but when i looked into the mirror all i saw was the brusies on the inside and out, felt shame and fear. The worse part about it all i couldnt get anyone to beleive me. I wish i could say that one day you'll remember the abuse, but it never fully goes away, however talking about and being honest about especailly with relationships helps alot.
