Very real, very raw. Thank you for sharing more of your thoughts with my visitors and me.
Darlene Barriere Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Nov 29, 2009
Denial Hurts by: sara
Sandra, I'm so grateful I found your post. I empathize completely. It's the family's denial that hurts so much and prevents one from healing. I'll never wrap my head around how a family can throw the victim into a grave and bury them with dirt--that's exactly what they're doing to you by denying the abuse and protecting the abuser. They'd rather do that to you than face responsibility for their actions. They'd rather protect their image than do the right by you. They are simply doing what is easiest, protecting themselves, by invalidating the horrors you endured. They have no integrity. I'm sure it will never change. As far as I know the only healthy thing one can do in this situation is distance yourself, cut them completely out of your life. Don't expect healing or accountability from them. Frankly, anyone that abuses chronically or looks the other way and permits it to go on--does NOT have the emotional or mental integrity to accept responsibility. Anything but that. It's either pretend it never happened OR blame the victim. They just don't have the makeup within them to do anything else. At least that's how I've come to understand it, and I have thought much about this, grappling to understand. Cut your losses and run. Or stay, but know that you'll have to pretend nothing happened as well, or face further denigration. I will continue to read your stories. I understand how deep the feeling of injustice runs when everyone continues to invalidate the awful things that happened to you. It makes it all the more difficult to move on and recover.
Jan 19, 2010
You are one in a million by: Clare
Sandra,
You have endured so so much in your life. People say move on, forget! it is not that easy.
I will pray for you tonight and every night thereafter. you are so strong and you show true determination for not hurting your family.
I do believe you totally regret not going through with court proceedings, but it is a very traumtic experience and I have done it, gladly he got sentenced, but many do not.
I just hope you can begin to get on with your life, go to councilling, its not that bad and it really does help, but first you need to accept the help.
You are a lovely girl, you state you have a boyfriend who knows your issues and supports you, i am thankfull for that.
Please dont give up sweetie, prove you are more than him, get your revenge out by becoming someone his family aim to be...... you already are.
Dont let him ruin your life please, accept it. Put it to the back of your mind and show them all how succesful you can be, and when you are, find a very good lawyer and take him all the way....
Because there is a way, people can take out sexual abuse charges years after it has happened, but a good lawyers will get you justice.
My love really goes out to you girl.
Luv clare x
Jun 24, 2010
comment by: joanne
sandra, i read your stories. your are a bounty of strength. strength the others in your 'family' do not have or know of. you are one in a million. what you suffered through is unconscious continuous abuse. it is painful to the point of desparation. i know. i have felt the same things. what i see in you is strength, that they could not follow you in that strength follow your lead and honor you is wrong. i wish continued strength for you as i do myself. you are not alone. joanne
