Child Abuse Story From Lola

by Lola
(Australia)

My mum and dad separated when I was one, and my older sister was two. My older brother died while my mother was dying during a suicide attempt.

I'd always had a rocky relationship with my father, with me adoring the ground he walked on and he always managing me to make me hate myself just that little more. He would call me overweight constantly (though I was UNDERWEIGHT if the doctors are correct) and point out my flaws.

I won't go into too much detail, as I'm scared of being too descriptive, but after years of my father's physical and emotional abuse paired with his negligence, I was far from unscathed.

I developed an eating disorder, major depression, a tendency to SH (self-harm) and Insomnia. I was fourteen.

I have many moments in my life I remember clearly. Here are a few:

-I remember watching over my sleeping siblings as I lay awake, scared to death that if I fall asleep my father would go into one of his rages, or worse, die while we were in his care (a trailer in his dealer's backyard)

-I was at a boarding school/hospital when I confessed my ED (eating disorder)for the first time ever to my dad, and he changed the subject to how much he was missing my siblings and began asking me if I could manage to get some drugs for him from the med bank there.

-I visited him while he was 'clean' and he walked into my room at 3am and injected Heroin into his arms in front of me, while I said nothing. He then walked out like nothing happened.

- After months of treatment, I was gaining weight back slowly when he visited and ended up knocking me unconscious after I giggled at him. I was then pulled away by nurses, all the while he was screaming at me that I was a horrible daughter and look! I was 'getting fat around the edges.'

He actually ended up going to jail for armed robbery, battery, and breaking and entering, among other things.

You'd think now I was safe. I'd be fine, right? After staying awake for just over three days, I ended up ODing on over 90 prescription pills of different variety. I died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, but was declared alive again less than two minutes later.

Well, long story becoming short. I was in the ER for a week, and then a mental ward under suicide watch for just under three months (over Christmas) and am now out!

I see my therapist frequently, take a hell of a lotta meds, and get weighed a lot as well. I have no contact with my dad, stepmother, dad's friends, etc.

I don't have contact with my brothers just yet, as I'm still struggling with my ED, SH & Depression, and don't want to taint them, but I remain hopeful that soon I'll be well enough to see them.

I am nowhere near 'well' and will more than likely never be, as after everything, I still love my dad, and am still debating whether to write a letter or visit him in jail.

Peace, Happiness and Health to everybody suffering.

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